Father not telling me about abroad trip

[Singleparent13]

some much needed advice please. I am a single parent to a 13 year old. Father lives about a 6 hour drive away and has our son once a month for the weekend and about half the holidays. The next trip is for the end of July and my son has just said his dad is taking him abroad. He’s never done this before. He’s not told me, or asked me. There’s a long line of lack of communication and disrespect, which o try to let go of. Am I wrong to feel this is disrespectful? It’s causing me anxiety as I don’t know what’s going on. I have no issue with him taking our son on holiday. My son has expressed that he’s unsure if he wants to go as doesn’t want to be in a different country to me, and says he’s scared of flying. I am happy to reassure him and make him understand it’s a positive experience. But all I can think is why the hell hasn’t his dad spoken to me about it, and why’s he left to so late, it makes me feel insecure about what else he wouldn’t tell me etc. Am I being unreasonable to feel annoyed /frustrated? Another issue is my sons passport has run out.

So the week he’s booked… was actually agreed contact?

He can’t apply for one without the old one or a birth certificate as far as I’m aware. Also he’s asked my son if he has a passport to which he told him yes!

One of my friends was having a similar issue with her ex and she wouldn't give him the dcs passports so he reported them as lost and ordered new ones.

Not that this sounds like that! I think he just thinks your ds has got a passport and hasn't thought about the running out possibility.

Ah, so your son has told him that he’s got a passport. Is your ex likely to be nasty to your son when he finds out that it’s expired? Perhaps your son could mention it now.

I’m making negative assumptions about your ex, but I wouldn’t want your son to get flack from his Dad, some “adults” don’t really behave like adults.

It would be horrible if the kid didn't get the holiday because of this.

What a holiday he didn’t want to go on?

The £40 a week… through CMS?

He can’t apply for one without the old one or a birth certificate as far as I’m aware. Also he’s asked my son if he has a passport to which he told him yes!

Also, anyone can get anyone's birth certificate.

But again, I don't think this sounds likely.

If you aren’t concerned about safety then I’d be excited for your son (well, I’d fake excitement).

This is a chance for him to have an abroad holiday with his dad. Be encouraging and excited for him to try new things.

Thank you so much for validating my frustration. Years of minimising bullshit behaviour, and trying to let go and move on, things like this pull me back into feeling frustrated. I would just have liked to time to reassure my son that it will all be good and get him used to the idea too.

I suspect your son may not hurt your feelings hence him not being particularly enthused in front of you

Yes, I agree. The point is the complete lack of communication and clarity about it, which feels like his chaos. Why not just give me a heads up.

The OP says she thinks her ds just wanted some reassurance from her. I don't think she's thinks he doesn't actually want to go.

It sounds the opposite of “co” parenting all around.

personally op i would be plastering on a excited smile for my son.

and I would drop ex a very brief message “FYI ds passport expired”

I wonder if he could find out that the passport is expired through some other means? And then apply. I don’t know

Exactly

and he won’t want to hurt his mum’s feelings

You don’t want your son to get really excited and then find out he can’t go

so, the passport. I would send curt message advising ex that out of date.

No it’s not co parenting, that would be great b it is not at all possible

But you have admitted you wouldn’t do the same if vice versa

But if you don’t give him a heads up, your son will be so disappointed

Yes completely right, just wants some reassurance which I’m more than happy to give, a holiday is a positive think. Lack of clarity and chaos however isn’t.

The father can get a passport. Not sure if DM needs to be involved.

As it seems your son has told his dad he has a passport I would text or email him today to tell him it's expired. He can renew online today (you'll need to take a photo and email it to him) if you give him the passport number etc. might need a few messages for info but worth it for the sake of your son who will be in trouble with his dad otherwise (his dad thinks he has a valid passport). Obviously dad should pay for the passport but he can't if he doesn't realise

Yes but he lives with me and has never lived with his dad (we split before birth) I am the prime carer, so I wouldn’t tell his dad whenever we go away or anything and wouldn’t need to check passport because I have it. I’d tell him we were going maybe a couple of weeks in advance if going abroad. Maybe that’s wrong of me and I need to look into that. Going abroad with me isn’t a big step for my son.

So how come his passport has expired andYou can’t afford to renew if you go abroad a lot?

But over the summer holidays… it’s one week on and one week off. So the summer holidays are hated equally, which means during summer holidays you aren’t the RP

She never said they went abroad a lot