Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

school calling me a liar

316 replies

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 13:56

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 05/06/2017 19:56

The thing is legally they don't have to attend until they are 5 but once enrolled need to follow the rules of the school. Withdrawing would mean the local authority has offered a place she has refused

Maudlinmaud · 05/06/2017 20:05

It doesn't sound like the school have safe guarding concerns, a referral was made and SS didn't think support was appropriate. The op hasn't said anything or hinted at any other concerns.
The school wants evidence for the absence. A death cert? I've been teaching 15 years and never witnessed this. I stand by my earlier post saying the school is being heavy handed if the op is being factual.

Oblomov17 · 05/06/2017 20:07

Oh and Bear, those irritating skinny bitches, or people who lose weight by cutting down on one roast potato... or who lose 1/2 a stone by cutting back on the beer....they are a pain-in-the-arse, aren't they?

Come the revolution. They have to die......

Oblomov17 · 05/06/2017 20:07

Sorry. Wrong thread!! Blush

29Palms · 05/06/2017 20:13

I'll just add my two penn'orth re the chicken pox.
When I had it as a child I was very ill and was off school for THREE weeks.
I don't remember much about it, but it was mentioned periodically by my mother.

BluePeppers · 05/06/2017 22:04

Ive been dealing with a HT who was behaving in a similar way.

I took my dcs out fo the school.
Serioulsy, much easier than trying to have the last word, involving the governors etc...

When a HT is so set in finding fault in someone (or supporting an especially crap teacher etc...), there is no point 'fighting' so to speak. That HT will mae the OP's life a nightmare judging by what has hapened in less than ONE year, let alone the 7+ years it will take for her dd and her other children to get through Primary school.

Original poster
noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 22:53

thsnk you for everyone who has posted today some very helpful ideas. and i really do appreciate everyones input. i will let you k ow the outcome of tomorrows meeting. i am thinking about recording it on my phone and letting them know thats what i am doing that way nothing can be refuted. I havent done anything wrong other then having my say to which the ht didnt want to answer my wuestions and escorted me off site very ott in my opinion but then made it worse with the afterschool pick up again ott and causing deliberate distress to my dd. I have contacted my local CAB and been advised as others have said to keep a paper trail and any evidence gathered at tomorrows meetimg. the head doesnt have to tell me who gave said evidence but they feel she does need to tell me what evidence she has as it will be needed in order for me to establish what prompted the letter and suspicion in the first place. otherwise there is no case to answer and i will also take order of service in order for them to photocopy until i can get a death certificate for them to see. I will also be taking my official complaint and requesting SAR as previous posters have stated. many thanks again as off to bed now will update all tomorrow.

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 05/06/2017 23:05

Good luck for tomorrow

Wolfiefan · 05/06/2017 23:08

Good luck for tomorrow. I'm sorry you're facing added stress at such a horrid time.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 23:13

Sadly some heads are defensive and unprofessional. We've had 6 over the years and two of them were complete bell ends. You say she's confrontational with other parents and after a bereavement called you a liar and would only accept a death certificate as evidence. Utterly ridiculous!!! She's not a law unto herself. I would complain to the governors and LEA about her insensitivity.

Infected chicken pox is very serious. Also they clearly over reacted by involving social services as the case was instantly dismissed. It doesn't sound like they are particularly experienced in safeguarding and people skills are clearly rubbish.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 23:20

Don't get the official death certificate. It's is not routine procedure to provide this. Tell her you will only provide her with the order of service and she can like it or lump it.

I wonder if the head has it in for you a bit? Other parents too?

Starsandwishes · 05/06/2017 23:25

Sound a bit like my child's school.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 23:31

By pursuing and only accepting the death certificate, she is highlighting just how insensitive and hard hearted she is at such a critical time.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 05/06/2017 23:55

op , what a nightmare. Just FYI, one of my now 5 year olds twins (April birthday) had an attendence of 88% . He had a bad chest and cold before Christmas which triggered his reflux massively and he was off from about a tuesday til the next Thursday. He had a d&v bug. Also triggered reflux big time so off maybe 5 days. He had a chest infection in the February. This all brought his at tendency right down. I asked for one day absence for family holiday (a Friday before easter) and it was authorised as despite low attendence he was not of compulsory school age. Touch wood, we have a better year health wise next year. They may also be more understanding as he was sick a lot in school anyway (as I said, we've had a huge improvement in last 2 months with diet change). HT's don't need to behave like that. Ours has her faults, and can be very set in her opinions, but she does seem mostly fair.

I'd go with the letter and involving governor's but if at all possible move your DD.

bruffin · 06/06/2017 06:21

Was tour sister on holiday the same time you were off for the funral?

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/06/2017 06:48

Her sister was at the funeral with the op

LIZS · 06/06/2017 06:54

No I think fil's sister was at the funeral. It all does seem a bit coincidental that so many family members attend and have issues with same school.

Alexandra87 · 06/06/2017 07:12

Your daughter is not yet 5 therefore has no legal requirement to be in School.

Empireoftheclouds · 06/06/2017 08:10

Your daughter is not yet 5 therefore has no legal requirement to be in School.. This is becoming really tiresome. The child IS in school therefore school have a duty of care. They are obliged to safeguard her as they would any child over 5. There are concerns, they have to be considered.

bruffin · 06/06/2017 08:11

Ops sister had a holiday approved but its not clear when. Ops dh aunties children were off for the funeral and approved, i think Confused
I wondered if HT is confused and thinks op was on holiday with her sister, which is her "proof"

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/06/2017 08:13

The HT seems to be making a career out of mistaken identities

Ceto · 06/06/2017 08:38

If you're having a meeting at the school, for goodness sake drop the complaint about them hand-delivering a letter. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to do, it's not trespass or intimidation. What difference does it make to you if a letter is delivered by a postman or a passing staff member?

Ceto · 06/06/2017 08:42

No I think fil's sister was at the funeral. It all does seem a bit coincidental that so many family members attend and have issues with same school.

The sister doesn't have issues, does she? She's the one who apparently was given permission to take her children out.

Maudlinmaud · 06/06/2017 08:43

Good luck today.
I hope I'm wrong but I have a feeling this situation may escalate. I hope you can keep a cool head.

AStickInTime · 06/06/2017 09:01

You should take someone with you to any meeting, ask them to record it and give you a copy of the minutes of the meeting.

I wouldn't even attend, personally. I would want all communication to be in writing. You need a documentation trail for your own safety.

I would be writing to tell them your child isn't legally required to be at school until aged 5, that you perceive their anonymous reports to be malicious and badly managed, that they have been unfounded to date, and that if they want a death certificate it is a public document that you are not prepared to upset your mIL for, they can easily obtain one themselves.

I would also say that you found it humiliating to be escorted off the premises when all you had done was ask for their proof. And they their understanding and management of collecting your daughter afterwards was appallingly thoughtless and damaging her you both. This covers you against their likely documentation that "mum had to be escorted" making you look the villain.