school calling me a liar

[noodels2002]

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

They legally can't do anything. Your child is not even 5! You don't have to prove anything. You need to find out who the 'grass' is and give them a piece of your mind.

Sorry for your loss

If I were you I would stop battling with the school and I would just give them the death certificate as soon as you can get it and end the drama. You've just lost a close family member and you don't need all this agro.

You might be in the right wanting to get apologies etc but why bother. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Even if you end up with an apology from the school it doesn't really mean anything. Forget the anger and indignation and get on with supporting your DH, your MIL, your kids and yourself with your morning.

Sometimes fighting for your 'rights' isn't worth it.

I agree. Fighting schools achieves nothing. I took mine to the VERY Top.
Nothing.

No one sits there and has an awakening :

"Do you know what, I've suddenly had true enlightenment. We treated Mrs Oblomov really badly. Let's change. Ourselves, our personalities and the way we do things, in future. "

Do yourself a favour and let it go.

But will they continue to harass if they are not challenged?

I believe due to your DD's excessive absence, also SS being involved with her broken arm as well as the fact you went on holiday while she was absent due a bereavement the school are concerned for your daughters wellbeing.

She has been flagged up as an 'at risk' child.

By going in all guns blazing, causing a scene and having to get escorted off the premises you have only made matters worse. Accusing the school of trespassing (posting a letter through your letterbox?)

You need to calm down, and start co-operating, you are going to have many years relationship with this school, they only have your daughters wellbeing in mind.

You should be concentrating your energies on healing from your loss.

*I believe due to your DD's excessive absence, also SS being involved with her broken arm as well as the fact you went on holiday while she was absent due a bereavement the school are concerned for your daughters wellbeing.

She has been flagged up as an 'at risk' child*

DD had chicken pox. 2 weeks is the norm and has been covered by a doctors note.
The Butlins trip was over a weekend.
SS don't think dd is at risk the only ones who think she is is the HT.

The same HT who accused another woman of arguing loudly with the op even though

1. They don't know each other

And

1. The other woman wasn't even there at the time.

But will they continue to harass if they are not challenged?

I suspect in this case the school will be LESS likely to harass if the OP 'lets it go' and just provides them with the death certificate.

Oh and the same HT who throws someone out of her office on a daily basis.

Given the HTs demeanour if the op does calm down and gives into all demands I think the HT will just make more and more ludicrous allegations. Remember this is not the first time the HT has made outlandish claims nor will it be the last if the op doesn't make a stand.

The HT throwing someone out of her office on a daily basis sounds a bit far fetched.

Seems a bit like cowering under a bully to me. It's not going away unless you front it.

But wisely.

Hotdog. Ops DD's attendance was excellent 97%, the school flagged the broken arm but as instantly dismissed with no grounds. Seems to be a lot of hot air about nothing

Yes record the meeting today for your own record. I would also ask to see your child's school record. They should have a file of all the concerns / interactions.

I would also write to the chair of governors asking for information on

1, Why you were escorted of the permisses. And not allowing you to collect your child, who has additional needs from her class and causing additional stress and upset.

1. Why SS were contacted before having a conversation with you and your child.

1. Why are demanding proof of your FIL death.

Also you want copies of there safeguarding and bully policies.

I would also contact your local authority about moving both dc to another school, due to the continued bulling by the head teacher towards you and your DC.

1. Why SS were contacted before having a conversation with you and your child.

It would have been inappropriate of the school to conduct any such enquiries. Safeguarding is about flagging up concerns and referring upwards.

Get your husband to get a copy of death cert from registry office. I got several copies of my Dad's so that I could deal with various companies that needed proof

My Mum had to provide official copies of my Dad's death certificate to Orange, M&S, Barclays, HMRC, Nationwide, Sky... it was awful. At £12.50 a copy it got expensive too. My point being that it is standard practice to request one, if it is important that it be proven....

OP, I suggest you provide one (maybe request they put it in writing first!) and then put in a raging complaint x

I believe we are getting by a very one sided story from a very angry OP, if she continues to be obstinate and uncooperative with the school this matter will continue to escalate.

HT don't go around randomly throwing sensible parents out of their office, aggressive and threatening parents yes.

hello everyone. the meeting went ahead this morning. well i say it went ahead the head would not apeak or answer any questions asked by myself husband and sh auntie. she sat there staring at us in silence . it got rediculous after ten minutes so we stood up and handed her out complaints form and SAR letter to which she shredded in front of us all on recording on phone so a complaint hU igher will need to go in also my daughter had been quizzed repeatedly yesterday by various teachers as to where she had been. my daughter as previously stated is autistic so found this distressing.

She shredded your letter in front of you?

Jesus Op she sounds awful. This needs to be investigated , a HT should not be behaving like this !

She shredded the letter? Shredded it? SHREDDED THE LETTER?

That's horrendous. Your dd doesn't sound safe. What do you intend to do? Is this an academy?

Is this for real?!

She doesn't sound like she's coping at all. That's not normal behaviour.

I would not like to be Chair of Governors at that school today.

I would be removing my dc from this school with immediately as I could not be conifdent that she is safe.

Speak to your local authority about who to speak to about the HT behaviour.

I would also speak to ofsted as from what you have written I have concerns about the safeguarding with in the school.