school calling me a liar

[noodels2002]

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

Why would she call someone who is banned from the premises in for a meeting just to stare at them?

HT don't go around randomly throwing sensible parents out of their office, aggressive and threatening parents yes.

Not had direct knowledge of this but do know a school locally where the HT would do similar. In the end she had a nervous breakdown and retired from teaching.

As a school governor I wonder if the governing body is working as a critcal friend and questioning how the HT is running the school or whether they are just going along with her.

I can't see a proper governing body allowing the HT to run the school like this. I don't think the OP will get anywhere with HT.

As school governors we are no longer expected to be "critical friends" - we're now expected to be accountable for the school and that includes the Head's behaviour.

If this was true and it was my school we would have to suspend the Head while we investigated. We would also be wanting to make sure we are meeting our duty of care to her health because she sounds ill - but that would be dealt with separately from the capability/disciplinary issue.

If this is true it's a completely nightmare foe the governing body.

Complete nightmare for.

Dyac.

MovingOnUp I can only imagine it being a complete nightmare. Only imagine because I find it hard to contemplate a HT behaving in this way. If this is fact then surely other members of staff would be concerned.

i have just been on the phone with the lea in my area who have advised me to send all evidence in and they are going to conduct a thorough investigation as not the first complaint they have heard regarding this HT and ludicrous behaviour. i also informed them about her shredding our complaints letter and SAR in front of us and told me to send a copy of both to the lady i was speaking to via email and she will send to governing bodies. Also been given help in transfering dd to a new school to start in september. i feel so relieved that this nightmare is over.

It does seem most irregular

That all sounds fantastic. Wow I'm glad your complaint is being taken seriously!

Your council must be the most speedy and the best in the whole country!

I'd still be trying to get through to the right person at mine, then have to call back because it's lunch time.

also to empire of the clouds you dont have to believe what i say thats your right. but you also dont have to keep coming back to this post and commenting such either. my family and i are going through a very difficult time already and this HT is making it unbearable. I dont need to justify my actions or make up allegations against her i have better things to do with my time. I simply came to ask for help in dealing with the matter. to which others on this post have been very helpful and aided me very well. i dont want any conflict with anyone especially dd HT but sometimes people cause obsicles to which we have to try and overcome. i honestly think this HT needs help or guidance in both her proffessional and personal life and im not one to judge that. i just want to send my dd to a school i am completly behind snd know she will be safe and thrive acedemically. but unfortunately it didnt seem to be this school.

Sounds very promising. Hope you can keep it all together noodels.

It sounds as though they won't let you on school grounds. Are you going to continue sending your dd to school? Or pull her out?

Noodles you must understand why some posters have jumped to that conclusion. A HT putting a letter of complaint through a shredder in front of people whilst being recorded is a very odd situation indeed.
It's so unprofessional that of course eyebrows where raised. When you spoke to the LEA did they not respond in a similar fashion. I'm not saying it didn't happen btw it's just mighty odd.

Wow. I hope this gets sorted soon.

Excellent news re the transfer!!
Hope the new school will be much more suitable for your dd.
Is your sis also changing school or is her dc staying in that school?

I got a very kind listening ear from the LEA when we had trouble with bullying issues with an entire class and a very difficult head. No one jumped to accuse me of being oversensitive.

There was little they could actually do, but they were very helpful with what they did and said that the only answer was for me to move my child to another school. They said that there would be no problem even if the other school was full. The heads of the other schools said the same - even if we had to go through the process of appeal, it would be a formality. Everyone knew what was going on.

It is one of my biggest regrets that I did not take their advice and move my DS, instead of trying to work with the school. Things got better, but they were never quite good enough.

@noodels2002 - you may well find that the HT refuses to allow you to record the meeting on your phone, so be prepared for that - I would advise that, if she refuses to allow the recording, just agree calmly and say that you will make written notes instead.

Then, if something important is said (ie. the Head asks for particular evidence or makes a statement about you having lied about something), just say, "So, for my notes, you are saying X, is that right?" and write it down.

Don't try to keep a written record of everything that is said, but do write down the key points. You could ask the aunt who is going with you to take the notes for you, so you can focus on the discussion.

You might also want to write a brief list of the points you would like to cover in the meeting - together with a brief note of what's happened so far, the time line etc, and a note of what you would like to get out of the meeting - ie. an apology, a list of the evidence the HT needs, more details about their 'evidence' that you have lied.

And if you think that things are starting to get heated, ask for a moment 'to consult your notes', and use that time to take a breath or two, and allow things to calm down, then return to the discussion.

Sdtg
The meeting has already happened!

Good God. This is bizzare!!
HT Shredding documents? In front of OP, Dh and sister? 3 witnesses.

Blimey!!

Ohhh stoopid SDTG!

The LEA took action after numerous complaints at my SILs school and the school had to have input from professionals to resolve on going issues and reestablish new policies.

I wonder if she was infact disablist and trying to make you leave the school. Head teachers can be bullies too.