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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

school calling me a liar

316 replies

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 13:56

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/06/2017 18:21

...she didn't think it was necessary to supervise 210 mixed age children outside at lunchtime

Sorry, off topic, but what? Standard safeguarding practice advises on ratio of outside staff to children. I help out with this at my children's school and if I can't make it one day they get in a right tizz about having to cover. Your ht is indeed a complete turnip.

nauticant · 05/06/2017 18:22

I'd provide a copy of the death certificate only in response to it being requested in writing by the school. It is such an unreasonable request in these circumstances that their request would be evidence that they're acting disproportionately.

BoffinMum · 05/06/2017 18:22

I did throw a slight fit when that happened. Should have pulled the kids out there and then but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I must have been an equal turnip.

BoffinMum · 05/06/2017 18:23

I also didn't realise he had broken anything for several days and thought he was making a fuss about nothing, but that's a different story ... I felt very bad when we finally took him for an X-ray.

Empireoftheclouds · 05/06/2017 18:25

The Op's DD isn't legally obliged to attend school but the fact that she does means the school have to safeguard her. If there are red flags they can't just ignore them.

This is what I have been trying to say (just not quite as well)

BoffinMum · 05/06/2017 18:34

Obviously we only have one side of the story here but I remain unconvinced of a safeguarding need given SS washed their hands of it.

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 05/06/2017 18:36

Boffin I wouldn't have just "thrown a fit" I would have contacted the police, DfE, the council and quite literally sued the living shit out of them. I am not a litigious person but I think they failed your child and all of those other 209 children spectacularly that day and it begs the question how many other times were children aged 4-11 left unattended? When did this happen?

Oblomov17 · 05/06/2017 18:37

I agree with posters, that some teachers consider themselves Gods.
I too was told by Head and Senco that I was 'liar' and when presented with evidence from consultant, school refused to back down : SS in a report suggested School had been 'victimising' and County Council said 'we don't apologise.

Posters need to recognise that not all Schools are meek and mild. Some are over cautious, some do frightening things.

Ever been over to the SN section? Some Schools blatantly lie, some hide evidence, some behave disgracefully. You aren't all so naieve to think this doesnt go on, are you?

Empireoftheclouds · 05/06/2017 18:50

You aren't all so naieve to think this doesnt go on, are you?. No but I am clever enough to realise that sometimes compliance is the way forward.

It doesn't matter what the head says or what she thinks, the concern for welfare is present. OP can help herself by giving school the information they are requesting rather than being awkward to the point of no longer being allowed on school premises.

I'm not agreeing that school are handling his well, not in the slightest, but for me resolution would come in the form of obtaining what school want. Any issues with school can then be dealt with as a separate issue.

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 19:00

but the social servicea wasnt involved any longer the 24 hours

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 05/06/2017 19:01

Most education staff in schools are bloody amazing people who give so much for the children in their care.

However - some are truely nasty and bullying. And unless you've been on the receiving end of that it's easy to think the parent is in the wrong.
I often say if someone was telling me my story about ds time at the academy I'd think they were exaggerating for effect or a shit stirrer.

Unfortunately though you can't fight or win against these HT. So they continue to get away with it whilst using a charmer offence and image and great words to convince most parents they are gods gift.

It's scary.

SouthWestmom · 05/06/2017 19:05

Op, what's the timeline?

SS involvement and five days off

Chicken pox two weeks

FIL dying - a week?

Butlins (booked Jan - didnyou previously ask and get a no?) - two days

What are the attendance periods in between and where does MIL live? Is it daw away so you travelled?

bruffin · 05/06/2017 19:05

I wonder if the school assumed you were on holiday with your sister

fleshmarketclose · 05/06/2017 19:12

You really need to get everything in writing instead of meetings and heated arguments.There is nothing worries a school more than having documentary evidence of their unreasonable behaviour.
I have experienced a phone call with a HT that went as follows
"I have provided you with the evidence that the TA has lied and asked you in email what you intend to do about it so please respond by email"
HT "Will you come in for a meeting so that we can discuss this?"
"No please respond to my email first and then I can consider whether a meeting is needed"
HT "The TA denies that she has lied" (even though it was written in dd's liaison book and emailed to a teacher)
"OK I'll wait for you to action the subject access request then to get the emails as well"
HT "What response would you like?"
" Remove the TA from dd's support immediately and confirm by email that this is your response and I will withdraw the SAR"
The TA was removed immediately and confirmed in writing.
No angst, no argument, no heated voices. Try not to get into discussions that aren't witnessed, if unfortunately you do email immediately with what was discussed and what your understanding of the discussion was. This gives the school the opportunity to put right any misunderstandings in writing and if they accept your version then they are fundamentally having the meeting documented anyway.
Tomorrow you can record the meeting if it is for your own records so I would do that so that you have proof that you were neither aggressive or abusive.

LuluJakey1 · 05/06/2017 19:14

I am astonished by this OP. What is she going to do? You do not have to provide her proof of your father in law's death. You have told her and that should be enough. I speak as someone who was a Deputy Head and managed attendance in a school not that long ago.
Do not provide her with evidence but do write a letter of complaint to the Chair of Governors and copy the Head in- state it is a formal complaint- and express your concerns.

However, if you were shouting or raising your voice, swore or were aggressive or threatening in any way you won't have a leg to stand on. Only you know if that is the case. It sounds very odd for a Head to have someone escorted from the site who she was having a reasonable conversation with. If you did none of those things, I would include that removal in your complaint. She will have recorded it in writing.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 05/06/2017 19:21

"noodels2002 (18:20:32)
lizs my eldest ( 4yr old with autism) youngest 3 (due to start nursery september) and dh aunties child was all absent that week. hers was authorised nothing said. my daughter not. and all this aftermath."

So one grandchild was authorised for time off and other child in same school not? Not good.

Iamastonished · 05/06/2017 19:24

Tomorrow's meeting should be interesting. Do let us know how it goes.

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 19:24

correct thesnorkmaidenreturns

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 05/06/2017 19:28

As an aside - if you want to obtain a copy of your FiL's death certificate without upsetting your MiL, you should be able to contact the registration office where his death was registered and pay for a copy to be sent to you.

CotswoldStrife · 05/06/2017 19:28

From the OP Butlins was booked in january

So had you already asked for the Friday off? Because yes, it would look very suspicious if you asked for one day and then took the entire week beforehand off as well - surely you can see that?

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 19:31

no didnt ask for the day off as disnt need to as couldnt check in accomodation til after 4pm was going straight from school at 3pm x

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/06/2017 19:32

So it is all relatively local.

Isthereanyusernamesleft · 05/06/2017 19:40

I think most are missing the point.

The kid isn't 5 yet, the school have no legal standing.

If I was op, I'd tell the school to stick the evidence up their ass & remove my kid from their school.

Empireoftheclouds · 05/06/2017 19:49

I think most are missing the point. The kid isn't 5 yet, the school have no legal standing.

That is not the point that is being missed! The child IS in school so school have a responsibility with regards to safeguarding.

If I was op, I'd tell the school to stick the evidence up their ass & remove my kid from their school.

That kind of attitude really isn't going to help the OP, all that will happen is she will end up with MORE involvement.

Oblomov17 · 05/06/2017 19:56

I agree, with pp, try to limit verbal discussions.

take a note taker to meetings. Introduce her.... my friend is here to take minutes.... that will unsettle them.

Then, Write an email : 'Just to clarify .... at meeting you said "quote them verbatim" .... and it was agreed .... to proceed.....

Then you have a paper-trail. Very important.