Did you/ should you accompany your child to university open days?

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Back in the dark ages, I went on my own or with a friend to various universities. I don’t think I even considered asking my parents to come although they were involved in my life and education.

Now I’m in the position of starting open days with DS and I don’t see why this should change but maybe I’m wrong? He’s bright and capable and we live in a big city so practically there are good transport links. Perhaps if he fancied St Andrews I might have to reconsider although I could explore the town instead.

But obviously if he chooses wrongly, it’s an expensive mistake so I’d welcome opinions.

Also study abroad? He’s doing a MFL for a level so perhaps we could look at this? Where to start 🤯?

I think be led by him. It’s sometimes useful to have another person there vs a sign of overparenting. As you say it’s an expensive decision so be open to attending if he wants you to.

Dc went on their own or with friends.

I did go to Cambridge because I had no understanding / experience of the admission process .

I've accompanied my DD to all of hers (not least because I have to drive her there!) but from all the talks we went to, there were very few students there on their own, most we with at least one parent, sometimes 2.

For me, I asked the questions she wouldn't have thought to, or looked at practical things, whereas she was more just getting a feeling for the place.

But I guess if you're looking at places closer to where you live, that side of things aren't as important to check out, as presumably he'll know the area a bit anyway.

Not sure about studying abroad - do you mean for the whole time, or a year out? You could look at Erasmus, as I think I read the other day we're rejoining.

I took DS to open days but did not stay with him as he went around the campus/departments. It was quite helpful to discuss his impressions afterwards on the way home. TBH it was most useful for him in ruling out possibilities! In the end he got his first choice but his insurance was a university we didn't actually visit.

For the first, I went on the train with her to the entrance of the uni and then met her at the end of the day. After that, she went alone.

Ok, I seem to have added a random gif to my post - no idea how to remove it 😂

I went to most with my sons. Most students were with a parent. The one my eldest ended up going to he went on his own though, as it was a last minute decision and I had to work. If my sons had wanted to go with friends that would have been fine, except that didn't happen as either they weren't interested in the same places, or they went with their own parents anyway. I think it would be quite lonely going alone unless nearby (ours were mostly far away).

No, eldest was looking at unis in covid times and so the open days were all online.
Youngest went to 2 open days and went with college, and didn't want to attend any more.

DH took her to the first couple she looked at, which were a long train ride away and one requiring an overnight stay.

Then she visited another with a school friend, and one on her own. I think she felt more confident about what to look at, questions to ask etc by then.

I’m visiting one more with her next week, because it’s my old uni and I fancy a trip down memory lane 😆

We went with our girls, one or both of us. Can’t remember which but one actually had a talk for parents.

DS was very clear that his friends and school expected that they practise some independence by doing open days/offer days alone. I went with him to the appropriate city, delivered him to the uni and left him to it. Met him afterwards and went home. He did say that most other people were with one or two parents and he was in a minority though.

However, we also ended up at a 'clearing' open day this August and he asked me to stay with him for that one. His brain was full and needed another adult to remember things he might not.

Yes. Though they went off on tours and things alone. They were all so far away they required a few days away.

We've had three kids doing open days over the past few years, and DH or I has been to nearly all of them. In our case, nearly everywhere has required an overnight stay due to travel time.

We have three kids 18 months apart in age, and we have really valued the one-on-one time going to open days has given us with each of them, and enjoyed seeing the different places together. (I recognise we're fortunate that we've been able to see it that way because we can afford to finance the trips.)

I think it's been useful having us there to bounce things off/chat it through/give a second opinion etc, though to be honest I think there would be different but equal benefits to them going alone. As with many things, it's what works best for your child/your family.

I went on my own but these days nearly all students are with a parent. I think it's partly because the parents are likely to be providing much more financial support than back in our day, so they want to have some involvement!

Needs to be lead by him. Mu default wouldnt be to do what my paremts did.

I went with dd and dh went with ds. Most have parents with them these days.

It’s a nice day out and nice for them to have someone with them to chat about it with. Not sure that being accompanied by a parent or not speaks to any sense of independence. Of your 16/17 year old can’t manage public transport and using a maps app on their phone you have bigger problems tbh.

If someone were making this scale of financial investment in any other area of life they'd probably want to take someone with them, it's good to have someone to talk to about it, and who might notice different things and give a different perspective.

I doubt it needs to be a parent per se, but it's a big decision for anyone to make solo, let alone a young person.

I know it plays to a "helicopter parent" stereotyping but you wouldn't send an 18yo on their own to commit that much money to any other thing.

I liked going with dd to look at the unis, why wouldn’t you go to support your child?

OH or I went with dd1 to around 4 in total but my colleagues couldn't believe we were going with her. When I suggested she go on her own she acted as if we were about to disown her!

Because they might not want you there. How is supportive to do the opposite of what they want?

Parents going along is not "new".
When I was looking 25 years ago, there were parents talks, tours of accomodation etc going on.

We went with DD. It also made it easier in terms of getting there (although understanding how to get to a university on public transport is also a good thing to find out!) as driving was almost always substantially quicker and it just removed a pressure from the day. Where it was too far for a day trip, there are very few options for an under 18 to stay overnight on their own.

I think the main difference with when I went to university is the magnitude of the decision. University is a signifant cost; likely the most expensive thing they will ever buy unless they buy a house (less and less likely for current teens) and in many cases parents also provide substantial finance assistance. I'm not making a significant financial outlay in my child without so much as an inkling of where they are going.

OP has not suggested that her DC does not want her there. And it's perfectly possible to go a university open day and not spend the whole time with your child (some universities actually have "student only" sessions if your child prefers to go round on their own/with friends.

I’m in my 40s and my mum or dad came to all of them, same for my friends and dh too. Know quite a few looking at units at the moment and at least one parent is going with them. Think it seems pretty normal to me.

Either DP or I went to the open days with DD and some involved an overnight stay. I would agree that the majority of young people had a parent or two with them.

On one occasion we went as a family to the city and made weekend of it - DD and I went to the uni open day and talks, whilst DP and DS spent time exploring the city. At the end of the afternoon we all felt that that was "the one" ....and sure enough it was! Obviously it was ultimately DD's decision but we all liked the feel of the city and uni.