Did you/ should you accompany your child to university open days?

[RiskAssessments]

Back in the dark ages, I went on my own or with a friend to various universities. I don’t think I even considered asking my parents to come although they were involved in my life and education.

Now I’m in the position of starting open days with DS and I don’t see why this should change but maybe I’m wrong? He’s bright and capable and we live in a big city so practically there are good transport links. Perhaps if he fancied St Andrews I might have to reconsider although I could explore the town instead.

But obviously if he chooses wrongly, it’s an expensive mistake so I’d welcome opinions.

Also study abroad? He’s doing a MFL for a level so perhaps we could look at this? Where to start 🤯?

I accompanied my daughter. It was nice to spend some time together (two younger ND siblings who take up a lot more time and attention) and to discuss the pros and cons of each place. If she’d wanted to go with friends or alone that would have been fine, but she didn’t. Pretty much everyone seemed to have parents with them. Times have changed - I certainly didn’t take parents with me, but then, I generally went to interviews rather than open days, and parents weren’t generally anywhere near as involved in their child’s education back then (the 80s) - or at least, not those of myself and my friends.

This is the approach I adopted, though, as others say, it is best to be guided by the child; they are all different. Solo visits, especially if with 16-17 rail card, do allow limited budgets to be eked out further.

One of mine did actually fly to and from one of theirs for the day as cheaper and quicker (domestic flights do allow unaccompanied 16+ with basic ID). So it is an option not to be discounted but, again, depends on the child's appetite to do so.

In some cases, day trips by public transport means very long days and some early sessions are missed but my children found informal chats with academics and students doing their course the most helpful.

A key consideration is to plan well ahead and attend some Open Days in Y12 as well as Y13, as such days are often clustered around a small number of weekends and there can be clashes in terms of target university. If your child works weekend shifts, they will need to book holiday or organise shift swaps in advance.

I'm a lecturer and when I moved to my current uni (campus) 20 years ago there were lots of parents - more with than without - at open days. At my previous uni (in a city with lots of students living at home) it was the opposite. So it's not new but it's also not always been universal.

Dh accompanied both dds to their open days but we did a few online for dc1 as it was covid times and then Dh went to her number 1 choice with her (I had covid).
Dc2 had her heart set on one specific uni and Dh again went with her (I was away). He said most kids were there with parents from what he noticed but neither of us went to uni and had no real experience of the process of any of it so although he found some of it incredibly boring (subject discussions 😂) he said they were both very useful days. Plus both times he took his dd out for a swanky lunch which they enjoyed.
It cost (and is still costing us) a bomb every month, at least we have a vague idea now why/how! We also wanted them to be really sure or as sure as they could be before going that it was definitely what they wanted.

My parents didn't come to mine but as a student I led open day tours around the campus ( it was a campus university) and there were lots of parents on the tours. This was 35 years ago.

I took mine but left him to it while I went round with my younger child to the sorts of departments he was likely to be interested in. I'm glad I did as it opened younger child's eyes to what was available and sure enough he chose one of the more niche subjects that we went to an intro lecture about. It would have looked as though I was accompanying a child to his open day though.

I visited with my ds because they all started at 9.30am, the ones he was interested in were all 200 miles away, and the logistics meant it was a lot easier to travel by car.

Once there, he went to look at labs and facilities and meet course leads, while I sat through the finance and accomodation sessions. Then we both visited a halls of tresidence and we were back on the road by a sensible hour. No need to stay overnight.

Do whatever works for you.

We took our two to some open days but not all this was 20 years ago.Where they were straightforward to do by public transport we let them crack on. Back in the days of dinosaurs when I was a student I led campus tours. Open days were not a thing but most people got interviewed before being offered a place.I do remember staff voicing the opinion that if you needed parents on interview day you probably weren't ready for University.

I went with DD to hers - wouldn't have occurred to us not to

You don't mention what he's thinking of studying Uni. If it's a MFL ( or even if not a fluency in a foreign language has so many advantages ) eg he needs to seriously consider some residence in the said country eg a long summer holiday, or a language course run by their Consulate or Embassy or/and work in that country in some form. People used to spend the summer harvesting grapes eg.

The most important thing is not to be with another English speaker. I appreciate that it is much easier if you go with a friend but it negates the whole point of a 'bain linguistique'. When I had to choose where to go for a year as part of my MFL degree I chose a small town where I knew there would be no other English students. (Initial loneliness would have meant I inevitably would have latched onto them. )

Of course then Universities expected their students to be much more resilient/ independent than they do now maybe. So the sum total of the help we had ( on another previous occasion aged 19/20) in choosing a University to study in was - register with a University, register with the police, find yourself a place to live, come back at the end of the term with your certificate saying you enrolled.

(Living in a country while the natives go on prolonged general strikes is also an education of a kind btw.)

I’ve gone with my kids to some and others they went alone.

For one of them, DS asked me to go with him for a second opinion.

it’s a big decision I guess… so if parents can help why not

I went with both my DC on the open days. We live a distance from the Universities, they were thinking of applying for. I wanted/needed to get a feel for the towns/cities and the actual campuses. In the end, eldest DC went to a uni we hadn't visited and youngest DC decided against further education and went into paid employment.

I did accompany my DS and found the majority of kids were accompanied by parents.

But yes back in the day I went with my pals.

I went with both of mine and this was 10/12 years ago.
There were very few who didn't have a parent with them.

You look at different things and come away able to compare impressions. You will be paying a lot of money for this over three years or more. At 17/18 they were grateful for my input.

From the academic side, over the years I have done scores of open days. Probably into three figures.

Open days are relatively new. They didn’t exist when I left school. Initially prospective students attending on their own was most common, but parents have been accompanying their children since day one. It is the norm now and has been for a long time.

I don’t have a problem with it, unless they bring both parents, grandad, grandma, and all their siblings and cousins (it has happened). Often prospective students can be a little shy and unwilling to engage. Parents can break the ice. They also ask pertinent questions that may not occur to prospective students.

That said, I have also had a couple of parents who were absolute pains in the arse.

I did. DD didn't have anyone to go with as none of her friends were interedted in the same universities.
Also, poor publuc transport, train strikes and overnight stays meant that I drove to most open days.

I went to some with friends and some with my parents, mostly because I needed driving to them given the locations I was looking at. It was helpful and actually since it was my dad who took me to a few I have quite nice memories as I didn’t often spend that much time with him 1:1.

I honestly can't imagine not going, unless my daughter doesn't want me to. She's only 2, so it's a while away!

My parents came to all mine, and it was the same for all my friends.

Depends on the child really. DS1 I transported him and his friend there and waited in the car for them. DD is more anxious so I walked her in and found the map and instructions were pretty rubbish so I ended up walking to the block where the talks were and ended up sat in the lecture theatre with her at one place, the next Uni I sat outside with a coffee and left her to it.

@Orangejuiceisgood well yes but surely most kids would want their parents with them. It’s a big decision with a lot of money at stake.

At the uni open days I can’t remember seeing any kids there on their own, it was all parents with their teens.

It’s a nice thing to do with them 🤷‍♀️ my dd would have been really upset if I’d suggested she go on her own. One of the unis was a long way away which required a two night stay in a hotel.

University open days are relatively new? In the life of universities maybe but the first one was not really in living memory. Maybe you are an academic at one of the famously exclusionary ones where you would expect people to have visited friends and family there already?

I went with DD to a couple where public transport was tricky from one to the other. Otherwise she has gone on her own but says she was the only one or one of a couple on their own. I can see advantages to both but I think YP really ought to take responsibility for arranging it themselves. I was the first in my family to go to uni though so maybe having your parents take you is one of the things that helps you feel entitled to attend and is therefore worth doing, I don't know.

Mine went on their own. It was bad enough paying for their train fares let alone mine as well. It is good
for them to learn some independence.

I went to some and not others, depending upon the dates and if any of her pals were also going.

Yes, one of us went with our son. Made a day of it in most cases. Useful to hear what the lecturers had to say about the courses, gave an insight and points to discuss afterwards. I don't think it's an issue as long as you aren't influencing their decision.

We accompanied as it was useful to have a car for many of them, the DCs were more than happy for us to do so.

There is a vast difference between being led by them in terms of choices and accompanying them on the basis of being a sounding board and mapping out the agenda of which schools to see, what courses etc.etc.