Did you/ should you accompany your child to university open days?

[RiskAssessments]

Back in the dark ages, I went on my own or with a friend to various universities. I don’t think I even considered asking my parents to come although they were involved in my life and education.

Now I’m in the position of starting open days with DS and I don’t see why this should change but maybe I’m wrong? He’s bright and capable and we live in a big city so practically there are good transport links. Perhaps if he fancied St Andrews I might have to reconsider although I could explore the town instead.

But obviously if he chooses wrongly, it’s an expensive mistake so I’d welcome opinions.

Also study abroad? He’s doing a MFL for a level so perhaps we could look at this? Where to start 🤯?

I am probably in the camp of going with DC but don’t expect to go into talks if the prospective students cannot get into the room because it’s overcrowded with parents. You can act as a sounding board but not hog Q&As in the talks. Some parents are over-invested.

Plus @RiskAssessments is your dc studying MFLs at university? If so, there are a few things worth thinking about to help filter choices. As many MFL grads are having to compete with other humanities grads for jobs, I’d look at what alumni are doing and think about how to use the transferable skills the course gives. There aren’t so many employers looking for translating skills for example.

Therefore I’d not particularly look at courses which don’t have a high academic content. The more academic ones will have a requirement to read literature and expect higher level analytical skills and essay writing.

The year abroad can be at partner universities, so check the quality of these. Are they world class or so so? It’s a good way to add further academic skills and broaden learning. The year abroad is invaluable for independence. The university exchanges tend to allow dc to make friends with other students too.

As MFL courses are contracting, aim high. However make sure dc gets work experience, understands that graduate work is competitive and takes a course employers value, especially if aiming for a competitive career. Don’t go for easier courses - accept the challenge. Try and decide on a career asap and hone employability skills for that career. Few people are getting work just based on their MFL degree now. It’s part of the package which must be broader and more targeted than just the degree.

I went with a friend back in the 1980s. I seem to recollect that a lot of the ‘look see’ events were on a Wednesday afternoon so didn’t see any parents accompanying their children.
imo if the child wants a parent to go, that’s fine and equally fine if they want to go with a friend. There’s an enormous amount of information online that can be helpful in narrowing down choices which seems more sensible than visiting ten unis.
My DCs attended zero open days. Both had very fixed ideas re where they wanted to go and that was that!

University open days for the general public aren’t particularly new. I remember attending some with my parents in the 1960s. Open days specifically for prospective students are.

As I said, they didn’t exist when I was at school, and that was well within living memory.

In my country parents are expected to attend.

There were no open days available to me when I was applying in the early 80s but interviews were the norm and there was generally the chance to have a bit of a look round on interview day. I went to all of my interviews on my own apart from one where my sister tagged along to go Christmas shopping. I don't recall seeing any parents and there was certainly nothing put on for parents to do.
But times are different now. DH and/or I accompanied all our DC to Open Days as it seems to be the norm now. They were all at weekends, all had specific talks for parents and I'd say that the vast majority of young people had one or more parents with them. I'm sure my DC would have been able to manage on their own - they didn't need us there are such - but they were happy to have us along and we made a weekend out of each one, had a good look around the area, visited places of interest and ate out, so they were nice family trips.
I think we did have our uses too. There were several occasions when DC commented that they wouldn't have thought of asking a particular question, or that they might have missed a potential downside to the course because of being very taken with the sports facilities etc. And when it came to deciding where they wanted to apply I think it helped that we had also seen places. They all made their own decisions but they did discuss and ask our opinions. It's a big decision and potentially an expensive mistake if you get it wrong so I don't think there's anything wrong with young people wanting other people's input. Most Universities will put on a good show at open days as obviously they want to attract students, especially given the current financial status of many. I do think that DH and I looked at things a bit more objectively and critically than our DC and that proved useful in future discussions. I wouldn't have insisted on going if any of my DC had actively not wanted me to but I was very happy to be involved when they did.

Back in the dark ages here too (well, early 90s), I went to all 5 of mine on my own and I think that was standard at the time. The furthest was Edinburgh by overnight National Express coach, arriving around 6.30 am. I then went to the open day and spent the second night at the local youth hostel. Had some time to explore the city on my own and then returned by coach. I would have been 17/18. I think my generation (GenX) were so much more independent.
In contrast, I accompanied DD to hers and we only visited her first choice which is where she went.

I went to them all w DD, and there were very few young people there without a parent. She was still only 16 when we did the ones at the end of Year 12, and although she was good at exploring the different course options, I was the one thinking about the practicalities of getting to and from campus, looking at accommodation options etc.

I went with DD1 and we had a lovely time 😄. I don't think she minded me going with her (I wouldn't have gone if she'd said not to)
She went to one Offer Holder day with a friend but they missed the talk, went round the shops and ended up in Spoons. Hmmm. Tbf she mainly wanted to see if she still liked the 'vibe' of the city so felt these were the important aspects of the visit.

DD2 has told me she doesn't want me to go with her and I'll respect that but am pretty confident she'll change her mind...

At least one parent went with both our children and there were specific talks for the parents/carers about the accommodation and cost of that accommodation as it is a rare student who gets a full loan. That means the parent/carer is paying several thousand a year for their room and then food, travel, course materials, laundry, Amazon, phone, Netflix, gym etc.

We went to see the cities or campuses and Ds is a summer born so only 16 at the time. We went in October half term year 12 so could not stay in a hotel overnight by himself. This was recommended on here to visit when there are lots of students around.

At the open days there were very few students there without parents. Considering this is an investment in their future and costs them and us a lot of money they wanted us with them to talk it through whilst we were there. When my youngest was going they went with Dh and my eldest to open days as they were at uni. I stayed home as there were overlaps on where they both applied.

I went along (as did younger sibling), as it was almost always easier to drive. Once there, we left Dd to the talks and mooched round the grounds or checked out the campus catering and retail facilities.
We did go along to look at the accommodation, mainly just to be nosey.

Dd would have happily gone with friends, but they were all interested in different universities. I think it’s more fun to go with someone, even if it’s your mum.

Surely it’s completely up to your DS?

I didn't go with my son. He went to some with friends and some alone. I did go with my daughter (or her dad went), because she wanted us to. I took her and a friend to a couple of them.

The whole family have been to two uni visits with DD purely because they were miles away and we made a trip of it. It was nice to be able to discuss the pros and cons of each and help DD with her decision making (not that she has decided yet). I think at their age they are quite young and not really capable of seeing the bigger picture - ie this is a very expensive investment and your life for the next 3/4 years. I want to make sure she's doing the right thing. I am very involved in all aspects of their education but would encourage her to see some without me if she wants.

when I went to uni I was left to my own devices, went to open days on my own or with friends and made all decisions myself. I happened to choose well and was v happy, but honestly it was down to pure luck and I don't think it was wise to do it that way as it could have gone so wrong too. They were different times though and parents tended to be more hands off.

there's no right or wrong though so do what's best for you and your YP

I went with DS. He also went with college. Most people went with parents so far as I could tell.

My parents who were relatively hands off with my education (because I was uber independent by 18) came with me to all the open days.

It wasn’t babying (I haven’t spent a single night back home since I left to go to uni, lived abroad and have worked continuously since 16) - but I was the first of my family to go to university and so they also needed to learn about the student finance aspects and how they needed to be involved in that - and it was helpful to have adults to chat the experience through with.

Once I’d picked they literally came along to drop me off and didn’t visit again, so I can’t stress enough how much they were not helicopter parents.

(this was 20 years ago).

A few years ago now but yes I went with DD to all open days (or DH did). She is ND and was a bit anxious so it was a good plan.

With DS we went to look round a few unis (Covid so no actual events) when I went with him mostly for logistical reasons.

I don't know how easy it is to get to (for example) Warwick uni without a car? We had to park and ride tho (uni organised) so maybe they run shuttle buses from Coventry.

Funnily enough DD had a clearing offer holder day at the uni she eventually went to and I was unable to go as had to work (and she was panicking about going alone); was somewhat amazed and delighted when DS2 (16yo at time) stepped up and said he'd go with her. She reported afterwards that he was brilliant. I've never forgotten that.

Thanks all. A range of opinions but leaning towards more parental involvement. I think I will encourage DS to go by himself/ with a friend to his “home” university as it’s a short train ride away and see what he wants me to do for further away unis. I will also use this as a test to see if he’s able to ask appropriate questions etc. and remember the talks. We can easily return if he wants to attend that one.

At the time, I somewhat pitied on those students who had parents tagging along in the 90s but as a parent I totally understand why they did. However I do think it’s good for them to get that independence.

@RiskAssessments Unfortunately at busy
open days asking appropriate questions is a matter of luck. Parents can hog the info stands and the Q&A sessions, it’s not often possible to ask what you want without being very determined and pushing to the front. Some dc also find it difficult to ark anything in a crowded lecture room so they just listen. Often someone asks what they want to know anyway or it’s online. Listening always has its merits but open days don’t deal in detail tailored to an individual. It’s more about getting a feel for the uni, layout and whether dc want to live there. Going with an open mind helps but we didn’t waste time going to the local uni - it was simply a non starter and our time was valuable.

One of mine wanted me totally involved and we went to seven open days. The other didn’t want me involved at all but I felt I’d seen enough universities by then anyway.

@Orangejuiceisgood Isn’t the object of going that your dc sees the uni and can chat to you about its virtues or concerns about it? It’s not a visit for you. Plus they aren’t all the same. London ones will be different to Bangor for example. I think only the very invested need to go to 7. Shortlisting is an art and my dc went to 3 each but they were taking very different degrees. The school
limited time out too and they weren’t all on Saturdays. They can visit others on offer days but just going to the front runners makes sense for each dc.

I am in my 30s and my Mum came with me to uni open days and pretty much all my friends went with their parents. We were independent- all had jobs and had been away without parents but it was just normal to go with a parent. My Mum did not try to influence my decision or ask questions on my behalf at the open days. She was just a sounding board and companion.

That pity is/was completely misplaced. The social norm is for parents to attend. This isn't because kids can't be independent, but because it's beneficial to compare notes and discuss afterwards. It's also a great chance to support a child appropriately - the parent shouldn't take the lead in asking questions etc.

They are all going to get independence when they go to uni. There is absolutely no evidence that parents who attend open days have less independent adult children. Having appropriately supportive parents makes people more confident.

Some people do go with friends and that can be fine too, but it isn't 'better' in any way.

I’ve got 4dc with the youngest in y13 so have been to a lot of these. The plain truth is the vast, vast majority of other students are with parents so the 80s/90s vibe of meeting applicants from elsewhere and palling around for the day just isn’t there anymore. It’s basically quite boring on your own and if you go on your own there is a good chance you will spend the whole day on your own. One of my dc does nursing and this was the exception but overwhelming due to the number of mature and local applicants for nursing courses. I have a “covid” dc who didn’t go to any but did go to 2 “offer holder days” alone. The others all went to a few with friends but most with me. 2 dc went to one each alone as no pals wanted to go and I was working. Neither liked those unis and I think the dullness of the day did have an impact. There is some value in being able to discuss things with a person who has actually been too.
There seems to be a thought that going to these days are practically essential for some sort of gaining independence activity but most kids are more than capable of taking a train or bus journey to another town and wandering around a university campus by about 12 years old so I don’t really know why 17 year olds should be doing this alone any more than 40 year olds. It’s not trekking the Himalayas.

My parent went with me. My sibling hasn’t with their child and I honestly find it very odd

My unaccompanied children reported back that they were definitely in the minority; maybe one in twenty. They said academic staff and student helpers were great at encouraging them to engage at the subject info stands or on lab tours - so, in that sense, as a solo visitor, you can get more attention.

I would agree with an academic poster upthread that overly assertive parents and/or large family groups (eg both parents and siblings in tow) can negatively affect the dynamic, particularly for solo visitors, but, again, my children reported that academics and student helpers worked hard to ameliorate such situations and helped prevent the Open Days becoming a parent-centric experience.

Based on my children's feedback, the subject talks appear largely to rehash info available on the uni website and the accommodation tours had a show home vibe (best of the best); again, careful reading of website gave better indication of accommodation costs, likely variation, lottery of choice etc. So they focused on the informal chats with academics and students in subject areas of interest and then made sure they got a sense about practical things like distance of accommodation from the subject faculty in first and subsequent years, location of sports facilities, access to city centre etc.