Husband unwilling to support son financially through university

[Lozza70]

Sorry quite long so good if you get through!

DS1 is quite academic and is about to enter Y13. He did well in GCSE’s with seven 9’s, three 7’s, distinction in further maths and an A in HPQ. He wants to persue vet med and is currently predicted A*.

The issue I have is that DH has stated he does not want to support him in university. He would get minimum maintenance loan so we would need to top up and if he is successful in going into vet med I know there would be little time for a part time job, though I know it is possible. I could support in topping up though I have recently been made redundant so would need to dip into savings.

Neither DH or I went to university and started work at 18 with both of us working our way up to senior positions. I think this is one of the things tainting my husbands view on this matter. Plus the decision from DS1 to get into vet med when up to last year he always talked of another career which he could access from 18 with an apprenticeship approach. DH thinks our son is not really committed and this is just a fad but he has done loads of work experience and is still sure this is what he wants to do. I have asked if he did another path at uni would he support but he is of the same view. Generally DH is not ‘tight’ with money spent on the family so this has come as a surprise.

I suppose I’m disappointed as I think we
should be proud DS1 has the ability to access uni and we should support that. Has anyone had a similar experience and how did it work out?

It would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn’t stay with a man refusing to support our child.

If you left him and you’re on a low income your son would get full loan.

I think the Vet. Med. course was due to close completely at Cambridge due to several issues including poor teaching . But then they got a very last minute reprieve.

Incidentally there's no Vet. Med. course at Oxford.

I dint get it. Doesn't Your H want better for your child than he had himself? You both worked up from the bottom without university degrees so your child should therefore struggle from a similar position. Is this a jealousy or ego thing? Do you have enough money to provide support? Is he worried about finances? Most people would want to do everything to give there kids the gest head start.

When I was at uni I had friends who's parents finances them totally. They also took all the student loan possible and put it in savings. At the end if the degree they used the student loan money for a deposit on a flat.

Cambridge course - If you read becoming a vet section sounds like there are still some issues re accreditation to be decided.

https://www.undergraduate.study.cam.ac.uk/courses/veterinary-medicine-vetmb

The fact that the OP’s son won’t get the maintenance loan means his parents are earning well above the average.

That's not the case unfortunately.

A HH income of a bit over £62k means minimum loan. If both parents work FT (and with uni-age DC that's fairly likely) that's 2 x £32k salaries. Hardly big bucks. The median salary in the UK for all employees (inc part time actually) is £32,890. So you can be on a deeply average salary and your DC gets the min loan.

The course did receive full accreditation from the European Association of Establishments of Veterinary Education - see 22 June 2026.
www.vet.cam.ac.uk/news/cambridge-vet-school-celebrates-full-eaeve-accreditation-success

@Imdunfer You obviously are not a vet then or indeed any professional that requires a degree. You are not a teen of today and this teen wants to be a vet and they must get a degree.

The numerous responses on here say it is difficult to get on the vet med course, not that it is a "doomed to failure" career path. A vet is a highly successful career path. Someone who can afford it and announces he will not support his son through university when that son is on for top A-Level results before he has even tried to get on said course is an utter wankstain, and you can't reason with someone with that attitude.

Yet.

Neither does this generation. Fortunately most of the current crop of parents are a measure better than your dad so they don't have to have that conversation or end up all bitter and twisted about younger people.

No he won't. Supporting kids thru Uni is a 'choice' and the reason why a lot can"t go.

A full loan doesn't cover the rent if they're in Halls.

I’d be hard pressed to forgive this of my dh and probably never could. A laughing emoji wouldn’t even feature, when it would come to my dcs future.

So even though your son wants a career where it is impossible to work your way up without formal training he still won’t support him? You can’t apply for grants as this takes away from people who can’t afford to financially support as opposed to your H who doesn’t want to.

Good luck to your DS.

You need to find another job and be prepared to help DS.
Or:
Can he find a live in job with animals as soon
as he finishes school?
A dairy, zoo or animal shelter?
He gains experience with animals to gauge whether that is a good fit, and he can estrange himself from your family, and be financially independent.

Then DS applies to a vet school as a mature independent student.
DS gains his qualification with loans.

It’s a horrible thing to do to your son if you have the means to support him. My dad did the same to me back when it was grants rather than loans. I ended up waiting 3 years and going as a mature student but in the meantime threw my A levels away as I was so demotivated and upset.

i currently have 2 at uni and making up the difference between the min and max loan.

i have never really forgiven my dad but it was just another in a line of questionable behaviour. And that’s the kindest thing I can say about it.

Exactly. It wouldn't matter what he wants to do at uni. He should support regardless. You could lose your son over this, are you happy with that outcome?

I think estranged probably means children who grew up in foster care not a selfish dad

Well exactly. I always an uncle of mine decades ago, talking of the sacrifices they’d made, so my cousins could be sent abroad (we are immigrants) to university. There will always be money for your education whatever it takes.

The point isn't about the end game and whether he'll get a job out of it . It can be about a love of learning and learning critical thinking.

No, no chip here, I got a great apprenticeship instead of university and it suited me much better than more academia would have done. Why do people who don't want to hear the truth and alternative points of view always turn to personal attack?

I don't want any young person to miss out on a career they have set their heart on, but it really is unusual, in my experience, to get to 18 before you start taking about wanting to be a vet, so I get that part of the father's hesitation.

I also get him being too selfish to fund 5 or 6 years, but it does raise questions about how much he actually loves his son, or what his other issues may be, if he can afford it but won't.

Given the son’s academic record and aspiration, plus household income, no court would deny the request.

https://jobs.army.mod.uk/roles/royal-army-veterinary-corps/veterinary-officer/

He could train via Army & get paid to do this. Not for everyone but might be worth looking into.

Alternatively your son will need to take a gap year & save up to go.

Estranged means no contact with both parents for a year for the general UCAS definition, that could be living with a relative or a friend or anywhere not at home. In care is normally a different category. I know Oxford has a much more generous definition and I believe gives £3500 a year to students saying they are estranged (DD believes some are not really estranged at Oxford and I definitely wouldn't advise doing that as its fraud and taking away from those in genuine need) but not sure if other universities offer that as Oxford doesn't offer vet med. Cambridge looks like it may just be UCAS criteria but Oxbridge are very supportive of people with special circumstances. So to get the year it may mean going later for him but would hopefully mean there would still be a way to go if his Dad continues to be selfish and Mum cannot find another solution. Oxbridge at least the accommodation is relatively cheap at c £5k a year.

https://www.ucas.com/applying/applying-to-university/students-with-individual-needs/estranged-students