Fledglings 2026 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[ComingInByAnsible]

A thread for parents of Year 13 leavers as they go on to universities, apprenticeships and other new adventures.

DS is off to Warwick to study PPE.

I’ve had friends go back to uni in their 40s and 50s so…. (Though they didn’t take it as far as living in halls!)

@manywanderings this sounds exactly like my dd. In freshers week I hardly heard from her, well she did messsge but just very brief messages with no detail. She called me on my birthday but could only speak for 5 mins, then had to go. I had this feeling she was partying hard and wanting to keep it from us! But I’d say over the past 5 days she’s suddenly messaging a lot more and I’ve had two hour long video calls. On Friday she even considered coming home for the weekend. I wasn’t sure what brought it on, I think perhaps it was because two flatmates had gone home with illness and her best friend (so far) had also gone home for a family event. So it possibly made her feel that pang for home. We have a text conversation every day, and now I’m wondering if I need to ease off, but it’s definitely her initiating it and extending it. So hard to know what to do for the best and how much to stand back!

Hi all

Hope everyone’s DC - and they - are getting on alright. Hugs to those who need it. There’s a lot to get used to isn’t there.

DS is mainly getting on well, but thinks his drink was spiked in a club last week, which has caused some anxiety. His friends were fabulous about it and that means a great deal when they’ve only known each other a few weeks. His course has started well and other things seem good - so hopefully that will continue.

I’m going down to visit at the end of next week. He’s expecting me to buy him multiple Nando’s! 😄

I think mine was burnt out between assignments , crits and going out all hours . She’s finding out her limits with classes 10-5 4 times a week, a pending essay and a weekly assignment , plus laundry , cooking etc she’s realising she can’t be out all the time. Tonight she’s giving her societies a miss to catch up . It’s a learning curve at the end of the day ! Plus Crits can feel hard in the beginning. When you still don’t know peers and tutors well.
still she sounds positive and getting on with things.

@RockyKeen what are crits? Not a term my DS has mentioned.

In arts/design subjects, "crits" are "critiques" where the tutor looks in detail at work that the student has created, often in front of the rest of the class.

This is pretty much how ds2 has been as well. He has more ups than downs, which is good, but sometimes feels that he isn't liked very much and misses having long conversations with people.

I keep telling him these things take time, and he's making really concerted efforts to meet people and it will happen eventually, and maybe try different societies and clubs and so on... but he has always been someone who's in his own head a lot, so it's hard for him. Add to that a touch of freshers' flu and he's feeling a bit miserable today.

But tomorrow is another day, and it is getting better gradually for him, I think.

It’s when the lecturer and students critique your work. Todays was a weekly task and it was harsh and negative and it’s left her a bit deflated as she really did try. I just told her this is how you learn , take on board what’s been said . So she hasn’t gone out tonight to her society just to make sure her next piece of work is better. She’s slowly figuring out what’s expected of her . Tomorrow will be another day !

Day by day . It’s a lot of changes all at once ! As long as they’re putting themselves out there . Not every day will be a good day but every day will have something good about it .

I hope everyone is getting on OK! I was just wondering if those who have been through the uni experience with an older child could advise... when exactly do you need to look for a second year house? DD says there is chatter about it already!

Sorry to be vague, but it entirely depends on the uni and town! In some places, househunting happens soon; in others, it's fine to leave it until well into the New Year. I don't really know why, it's just worked out that way...

Probably better to ask on a specific group for your YPs uni. There are various ones on Facebook (which I've resisted joining myself so far).
Accommodation is very plentiful at my son's uni city, you can even stay in halls if you want to.

@MamOfTwo So DC is at Warwick and found it really easy to find a house share with friends for 2nd year. For 3rd year they decided to share a flat in private halls with friends and had a couple of students they didn’t know but got on well with in the flat. So either way works out fine.

DD who’s just started uni is already having to think about house shares so will move in with friends she’s made or her current student halls flatmates and / or a mix of both. They just need to figure out the place place to move to which I think they have a rough idea of. She’s only been there just over 2 weeks but has settled in really well so far, thankfully.

Private halls next year have the advantage over private accommodation of not needing guarantors - where you can often be acting as a guarantor for flatmates too! It is one reason why international students often rely on them.

I would be careful about committing now to share with people you have only just met this term. There is still a degree of overly keenness in friendships and hanging onto people simply because you know them. They might become best friends for life, but it might also be as everyone settles down and figures out what they actually like that they drift apart or decide they really aren’t keen on each other after all.

The renters reform act earlier this year will have a big impact on looking for accommodation too as students in private accommodation will no longer be on fixed term contracts (only purposely built student accommodation can now be fixed term). This means landlords no longer know a flat will be available for rent until the current students give notice. This has been the case in Scotland for a while which means most people now look after Easter or even in the summer (more risky but then you don’t need to pay rent over the summer).

DS is busy and happy at Southampton - it's a full-on course and he's learning to cook and look after himself, but he loves it and is definitely not homesick! After a very uncertain start I am so pleased for him.

@Biggreenleaf DS is in a Unite building and I am guarantor, so I guess some private halls do want guarantors. Weirdly, they only asked for proof of DS's student finance and my income after I'd already signed as guarantor. I considered ignoring them as I'd already agreed to be liable for £7.3k, but was polite about it

I am hoping DS chooses another private hall over a house-share in 2nd year, tbh. It's so much more straightforward having all bills included in rent, building maintenance and 24/7 security, and not running the risk of being liable for someone else's rent and bills if they don't pay.

I think international students avoid the need for guarantors in private halls by paying up front.

@Biggreenleaf That is an excellent point about the impact of the Renters' Reform Act. This cohort will be the first to be affected by it!

As for guarantors, I know that some students (home and international) use a company as their guarantor, for a monthly "insurance" payment.

DD (now graduated) was at uni in a city where the private halls were in short supply, very luxurious, and ruinously expensive. As it is, she paid a very high rent for a shoebox room in an HMO, but at least it came in within budget (we topped up to Full Loan).

I'm glad that DS is somewhere that provides on-site accommodation for his full course (even if he takes the optional integrated Master's), although he does have to empty his room at the end of every term. He's settled in quickly and is aiming to get involved in one music society, one sports society, and one "other" society, but the jury is still out on which!

Just checking in. How are all your DC getting on.

I am hearing very little about the course and lots about sport. DS goes to Loughborough and they work really hard at generating a sense of belonging and team spirit in your hall. It is also living up to it's reputation as sporty. Luckily you don't have to be good or have played before.

Today my DS has represented his hall in a fresher's cup in dodgeball and mixed netball. Then went for a session on the athletics track and is then doing badminton training this evening with people from his block. I know he also did volleyball, tennis and squash tasters last week!! Sounds exhausting!

That does sound exhausting, @AuntyBulgaria! Lots of fun, though.

DD’s honeymoon phase with the French uni system seems to be over. The pace is absolutely brutal. She is in lectures or seminars for up to 9 hours per day, 6 days per week. The only reason she doesn’t have lectures next Saturday is…because she has exams instead! Four Saturdays of midterm exams, broken up (luckily) by a reading week during which she will come home and catch her breath.

DD is home for the weekend as this is the only break she can have before Christmas. Learning is full on and daunting and her account of her first Anatomy session definitely left me feeling queasy! Flatmates are good and she’s thrown herself into various sporting societies which is fab.

Unfortunately she’s been ill after a chest infection right before leaving and now the dreaded Freshers’ Flu but it hasn’t held her back too much. She hasn’t missed home too much but told me she hates having to cook and clear up every day. Welcome to the adult world I replied. 🤣 A pile of washing has come home with her but I expected that. Going to the cinema with her tomorrow which will be lovely.

Lovely to hear people’s updates.

Happy to report that week two felt much quicker and less fraught than the first. She's also succumbed to fresher's flu and is struggling with being away from home and feeling ill. But the course has started and she's loving it.

@Justonemorecoffeeplease we had a 'i understand why you and dad hate thinking about dinner every day now!' from DD which made me laugh!

We're off to visit her in Durham next Saturday. Can't wait!

DD is still loving her course. 10-5 everyday in a workshop... Her idea of heaven. She's decided not to come home till Christmas. Has just said maybe nice tea towels would be a good Christmas present........

DS2 is currently down with a bout of freshers' flu but seems to be coping quite well with it. He's still wishing he could have longer conversations with people, but says he gets on 'civilly' with pretty much everyone, and seems to be going out socially, so I think he's getting there. Also trying out many different sports, the favourites of which so far are lacrosse and kayaking!

We're going to visit on Friday, making a little weekend break of it to do things we fancy while he's in lectures/ going out/playing sport. Can't wait!