Fledglings 2026 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[ComingInByAnsible]

A thread for parents of Year 13 leavers as they go on to universities, apprenticeships and other new adventures.

DS is off to Warwick to study PPE.

This post has actually made me so sad and teary. Bless your daughter. It's a situation I can imagine mine in. What a horrible thing thinking you're not invited. I hope that wasn't the case and she feels included soon.

This empty nest syndrome is pretty hellish. I'm struggling. Any tips?

Hugs and solidarity from me - I was okay at drop off because it was good to get him there and all sorted but these things always hit me a bit later and tonight at bedtime I had a big cry. Happy for him but there are big feelings around time and change and even tho it’s all natural, it still hurts doesn’t it.

I read up a bit; about letting yourself feel it without guilt but not feeding it too much - staying away from the social media and tracking etc which can make you more anxious. I’m not actually tracking him thankfully but still understand the shift from supervising present parent to this consultant from a distant role. It’s tough when we’ve loved and worried for them so long to feel not needed, and no matter how normal that is, it is gonna take time to adjust.

I bought a couple of books, not about this, just good books because art can be healing, and I’m going to let myself feel things for now but also know this week will be busy with work which will help. Will distract myself with that and friends and exercise and let time do its thing. So I guess in a way the advice is the same we give our kids, to not react in haste, to get on and do things and give it time.

Sure some folk with more experience and insight will post but just letting you know I feel your hellishness and hope you get thru it okay. It’ll make us stronger and wiser I guess. Take care and plan some nice things for you.

Hi all,

It is good to see all your updates and just shows how differently our YP adjust to these changes as well as us. @Onthesofawithmydog I said exactly the same as you to a work friend last week about feeling 'left out'. It sounds really silly but for the first couple of days DD didn't really update on what she was doing and she usually tells me every tiny detail of her life so it felt odd. The only way I could describe it was feeling left out but I also didn't want to contact her either as wanted her to settle in and mix with everyone.

DH and I waited only a couple of days and she started calling us again, usually whilst she was getting ready, making food and just facetime chatted updating us. This has now carried on most of the week so I feel we know a lot more about how she is settling in, who her new friends are and what she is doing in her lectures and what is coming up too.

@manywanderings I can't really give advice for you feeling sad but it is these tiny snippets of info from DD when she calls that keep me from missing her too much. I just keep telling myself if she is too busy to call me it is probably because she is having fun and being with new friends which I really want her to do. I have another much older DD (who lives close by) and she has made an effort to be with me more this past week which has helped too. It is a tough time but I am keeping busy at work and home which helps a bit.

My nest isn't empty but I'm still finding dc1 not being here hard. I'm trying to be kind to myself, distract where I can and tell myself it must get easier as so many of my friends and family have been through it and seem to adjust.

We had a call from DS last night and he seems to have had a good start. He likes his flatmates and they’ve been out exploring the campus and the area together, he’s also met a few other people. Such a huge relief, I didn’t realise until that call how tense I’d been over how he’s doing.

@Tomrrowandtomorrowandtommorrow and @Onthesofawithmydog, I also have a year 12 still at home. We actually took her to a uni open day yesterday (like yours, @Onthesofawithmydog, she’s planning an early application - medicine), which was a helpful distraction for all of us, but also felt like we were starting a process for her leaving too before we’d had a chance to process this for DS.

@manywanderings, 💐 and hugs to you. How far is your DS’ uni from you - are you able to plan a visit to him perhaps before Christmas? We’ll be passing Warwick in a couple of weeks time (on the way from taking DD to another uni open day) and have agreed that we’d take DS out for dinner and bring him a few things that he has already decided he is missing! So that already gives us something to look forward to.

Mine message last night asking how effective the meningitis vaccine was as he was feeling really ill. Thanks heavens for video calls to check in - freshers flu instead. And a discussion on what to do if he feels worse

Most unis have reading weeks where I think it is common for students to come home, I think? Unfortunately DD's reading week does not match up with October half term or her friends' reading weeks!

Reading weeks tend to be subject specific rather than university, and much less common for STEM subjects. The idea is also that the time is used for reading ie independent work. There is a misapprehension by some that it is equivalent to a half term…

Had a family facetime yesterday evening. My daughter is doing fine. Flatmates are good though one 'grinds her gears' a little. Course is good though she feels she hasn't bonded with anyone yet but I'm sure that will come and two of her flatmates are doing the same subject as her! She's been chucked out of a club for acting up after someone groped her friend...and also had a rather unsettling incident when a friend of a friend tried to pour a drink in her mouth but this time one of her flatmates had her back. She needs to learn how to manage clubbing in a big city. In our county town everyone knows everyone and all the bouncers know her name!

She's determined to do some sport and has signed up to quite a few things like dodgeball which was two hours of bedlam I hear but good fun. I think once her course kicks in she'll have a shock as it's well known for being full on! We've had a few photos of home cooked from scratch meals which was lovely but she's kept communicating to a minimum.

One thing that is bothering her is a girl from her year who was a bit of a 'social climber checking how cool everyone is before talking to her' is on the same course and in a flat on her floor. Said girl is being a bit socially unkind arranging for the whole floor of flats to go out but not including my daughter's flat at all. I'm not sure it was deliberate but my daughter is and told me she'll just tell her 'f*## off' if she tries to walk with her in lectures. That being said her texts to her father when it had just happened were far more upset. I'm pleased that she had a year out working as I'm not sure she'd have coped with this when she was just eighteen!

Reading this back makes me smile but shake my head a little. She's a force of nature and I wish her university town good luck!

That's a good idea. I know we need to let him find his feet and make friends first. I think I'm from the era where - parents don't turn up and wait for holidays! But I suppose we might find in a week or so he is wanting something like that. I'm not anxious about him (yet!) as I know he's wanting to make it work socially and seems to be enjoying himself so far. Text last night saying he was out with housemates - and it's probably a whirlwind.

Lovely to hear all the updates and hugs to all those who are struggling.

We too had a video call over the weekend which was lovely. The dog heard his voice and ran upstairs to his bedroom to look for him. She was very confused when he wasn’t there!

He seems to be getting on well with his flatmates and had been out every night including a couple of Dental Society events. He starts his course today and I think from what he told us Monday is very full on - his flatmate in the room next door is studying history and I think could pretty much fit all his contact hours into DS schedule for today! No reading week for him but we have just booked a cottage for us, younger DD and dog for the first weekend of half-term. We will go and pick him up and drop him back on Sunday night which will be nice just to catch up.

@Justonemorecoffeepleaseyour post made me smile too. You’ve obviously raised a confident young woman who is happy to advocate for herself and others.

We’re not empty nesters here yet - 2 down and 2 to go. When DC1 went a few years ago we didn’t really miss them - more just worried about them. They had a tough 1st year and I was in daily contact. They also came home regularly (just a few hours away) for dentist appointments, or weekend visits.

Just dropped DC2 off this weekend and it’s a very different story. Much further away so def won’t see them until Christmas, but also not in the slightest bit worried about them. They are so ready and I can’t wait to see them thrive. BUT - they are a much bigger presence in the house and are very close to younger two DC, and they will miss them terribly so I’m much more conscious of that. DH is struggling. I am doing the mum thing of just switching to the other two who are in exam years and now need more of my focus now that DC2 is away.

My dd is still home, really unwell with freshers flu, we spent Saturday night in A&e as they were worried about meningitis. Had lots of tests done and they said it’s a bad case of flu.

Really not a great start to uni bless her, she is missing lectures and a tennis try out this week.

Hugs to those who are struggling with missing their fledging, weirdly I wasn’t too worried when I dropped dd off. She’s 20yo so a bit older and definitely ready for it. This last year she’s also been travelling and working a lot so I have got used to her not being at home very much.

Bad freshers flu for mine too. He sent a message yesterday asking how effective the meningitis vaccine was, felt much better after video calling him. We discussed what to do if he feels worse.

Did any of your DC who have freshers flu, get the flu jab? Just wondering how much protection it actually offers. We paid for DC2 to get it last week so it’ll be interesting to see how healthy they remain

No but I would recommend everyone gets the flu jab having seen how ill dd is.

Best of luck! Any advice for studies. ???

I was under the impression freshers flu is generally just a cold type virus rather than true influenza virus

Yes I don't think it's actually flu ( although I think I'll pay for DS to have the flu jab. DS came home this weekend because he overdid it on Freshers week and apparently now 'knows too many people and was tired of talking' so came to London where no one talks to you!

I was under the same impression, hence wondering whether the vaccine was worth it. To be honest we just figured for the sake of £20 it was worth it for a bit of extra protection, but will be interesting to see whether they stay healthy when others around them undoubtedly get sick in the next few weeks

Dd has definitely had proper flu, temp of 42, can’t get out of bed, was delirious etc. We had Covid a few weeks ago which was a walk in the park in comparison.

Sorry for all the poorly DC but am so glad theyve all had the meningitis jab! Thats always a big worry.
My DD came home for the weekend (less than 2hrs by train) I was really worried she wouldn't go back but it really seemed to help settle/ground her and relaise she can if she needs to. So went back ok on sunday.
Lectures start today so am hoping a bit of routine and structure will help! Though humanities degree so only 8 contact hours a week. Bonkers for almost 10k!!
Her flatmates seem lovely except for one who's father had been staying for over a week now and the boy hasn't spoke to them at all. All very weird and I am not mad on a grown arse man staying in their flat!

That does sound odd - is it actually allowed? It took quite a bit of nagging to get son to get the men b jab - but both doses done before he left. One of his friends didn't get it all which I find strange.