Fledglings 2026 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[ComingInByAnsible]

A thread for parents of Year 13 leavers as they go on to universities, apprenticeships and other new adventures.

DS is off to Warwick to study PPE.

We are back from taking DS to Warwick. Very impressed with how well the arrivals process was organised. DS’ accommodation is lovely and bright with plenty of storage. With glorious sunshine, lots of food and music stalls, bunting and freshers milling around, the campus did really feel like a holiday camp like someone said upthread.

We helped DS set up his room, said hello to a few flatmates, took him to lunch, and then said our goodbyes. All four of us came to Warwick as DD wanted to be DS’ room design consultant. She was the most upset at the end letting go. We should see him in just a couple of weeks as we’ll be passing the area, but it’s hard to avoid the feeling that something has just changed forever.

Yay! Well done to you! We had a similar sounding day in Durham today. We've already had some "I'm worried" texts but are still feeling hopeful because she's managing to take part in the fresher's stuff.

I was fine on the drive home (concentrating on the road helped!) but as soon as I turned into our street I burst into tears. Where's my lovely family team?! It's going to take some adjustment...

I’ve just had to go and pick my dd up, think a week of partying has caught up with her and she has a chest infection 🤦‍♀️

oh no! Hoping for a speedy recovery.

We just dropped son off today. I've been like a rabbit in the headlights the last two days and couldn't sleep last night - suddenly his whole childhood was flashing through my mind keeping me awake.

But we got everything in the car, including the PC and a monitor.

Students with boards saying welcome as we arrived. It was a mix of weird excitement and terror all round I think. He just wanted to get there and get on with it and I think was trying to avoid being emotional but also just wanting to get on with things.

I didn't want to come home! We stopped off somewhere on the way home and I was dreading coming back to the house and feel like I've lost something.

It felt like we'd thrown him out or lost him on the beach as a child (not that we ever did but imagined it's what it would have felt like).

I'm trying to be rational now. We had a phone call while we were on the way back and he said he'd unpacked his stuff and met 2 or 3 people and couldn't remember their names and I think something was organised for them all this evening.

I think he was ready for this, despite being a bit nervous, but I'm not really! I know it'll be good for him but as you say @ComingInByAnsible it feels like something won't ever be the same. We said you can come home whenever you want - we'll see - maybe it won't be till Christmas.

I know he was happy with the tin of essentials I put together and all the other bits and pieces. I feel like I need a cry but I'm still headless chicken.

Edit - right now I feel like I need some retail therapy!

Yes yes yes. It's such a mess of feelings, eh?

Huge hugs to @manywanderings @ComingInByAnsible @Tomrrowandtomorrowandtommorrow and anyone else who dropped off their dc this weekend. I am a week in and although I felt totally fine on drop off day I’m definitely feeling the grief more now. She is living her best life and I think has been out until the early hours 5 nights out of 7 in the past week. 😆 she’s now got a horrid cold and feeling terrible and continuing to go out although missed a huge freshers party last night as she finally realised she was too ill. She’s made tons of friends and joined societies and I’m watching her instagram numbers go up and up, so it’s fab. But I think I’m just suddenly feeling quite left out of her life and useless all of a sudden. She hasn’t been the most communicative this week and I’m sure there are bits that she would rather not tell me, and of course that’s fine as it’s all part of growing up. But I guess I’m the one left feeling like she’s off starting this brand new life and doesn’t need me any more and that just leaves me feeling a bit empty. I would say for those who have dropped this weekend, try and keep yourself busy and arrange things to do. Buy yourself treats, go for coffee and try and limit checking their location. I’m trying desperately to wean myself off but it’s hard- I think on the days she is not so communicative it’s my way of feeling the connection still which sounds crazy. Really hope all your kids are doing well and enjoying uni life which is of course the main thing. Xx

Thanks @Onthesofawithmydog! We had a flurry of texts at midnight saying what a fun night she'd had with her flatmates and how the girl next door is 'cool' and thinks she is too! So we breathed out a bit.

I totally get what you're saying about the tracking. We're going to have to wean ourselves off it eventually, but maybe not yet.

The thing that upsets me is the feeling that we've lost our little family team. Her little sister is still at home in y12 so that also now feels like we're on 2 yrs notice for her leaving. So fantastic and so sad.

Yes my youngest is in year 12 so know what you mean about countdown to her going too. We have uni open days next month as she will have to do an early application this time next year. I just want time to slow down!

@NicolaMarlowsMerlin Thank you so much for asking. Still seems quite anxious ahead of her first day of classes tomorrow but I’m hoping as she gets into the swing of things she should settle. She’s definitely missing our dogs which I don’t think is helping matters

DS2 seems to be doing much better now, and we're going to see him in a couple of weeks, but I still feel a bit...adrift, I think.

When ds1 went to uni I was very upset for a few days, then readjusted, and anyway had a much younger ds2 still at home.

This time, the house is so quiet, the shopping trolley feels pathetic and I feel a bit like I'm marking time till he comes home! Admittedly there are a couple of unrelated issues that I have no control over which are adding uncertainty to the mix, which doesn't help.

Still. I'm sure everything will fell more settled as time goes by.

Mine isn’t really going out, hasn’t gelled with his flatmates who are all drinkers whilst he’s not. Have suggested he joint up to societies, he’s talked about it but hasn't yet although he did go and talk to people at the
freshers fair yesterday. I can encourage but can’t do much more and that’s really hard.

Yes I find that so hard. I want to sort things for them and this really is the point where I can’t. Already struggling w DS (yr 13) who needs a bit of a kick to get working whereas DD (who has just started at Uni) never has. At some point he just has to make his own decision about whether he’s working or not.

@WaxMeltsMeltingI'm sorry to hear how much he's struggling. I know for sure that things aren't going to be plain sailing for ours either. Yesterday was fuelled by adrenaline mostly.

I hope he meets his people on his course. I know that as parents we need them to find their own support bubble with their peers and them struggling to do that makes it all feel much much harder. Let us know how it's going with him.

We are two weeks in now, socities have been joined,course properly gets going this week. A school friend has been crashing on the, very small amount of, floor this weekend as they are in the area for an event

@Onthesofawithmydog think of it less as not being needed for now and more of a great jon done of preparing them for this next important step!

We dropped off yesterday at Warwick and somehow managed to hold it together. Think we slightly overstayed our welcome helping him unpack and he seemed a bit annoyed with us towards the end! Managed to get a big hug from him and when we got back to the car I nearly cried but DH kept talking non stop so in the end I didn't shed any tears at all surprisingly. When we got home and looked at his empty bedroom we both felt a bit emotional though. Thankfully he seemed really happy when he texted us later, saying he'd been hanging out with his flatmates and was going to a fresher's party later on.

@Onthesofawithmydog also wondering if I'll feel the 'grief' later in the week as not feeling too bad yet. Hope you are doing ok. I've booked two girly trips in October to keep myself busy and will go up and visit DC over half term. Might well post again here later in floods of tears though!

@Tomrrowandtomorrowandtommorrow I will also be weaning myself off tracking him. Giving myself a week before I stop! It is so reassuring knowing where he is though

It is difficult for introverts to meet other introverts, not least because many will be putting on false-fronts as extroverts for the first few weeks - potentially including flatmates who might not actually like going out drinking.

@Biggreenleaf my DS doesn't drink and has told me so far other than buying entry tickets he hasn't spent any money!

I think he has made the most friends through day time activities like rounders, in the common room playing darts etc. when everyone is sober and are more themselves.