Fledglings 2026 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[ComingInByAnsible]

A thread for parents of Year 13 leavers as they go on to universities, apprenticeships and other new adventures.

DS is off to Warwick to study PPE.

Ugh don't tell me that's still going around!

‘Flu season’ hasn’t really started so I wonder if freshers flu is the same and if so whether it might be last year’s strain rather than the one in this year’s jab?

Few examples on this thread of non-flatmates (parents etc) staying in the flats. This is usually not acceptable and I'd encourage you to advise your children to get their accommodation providers involved. Sooner it's sorted the better.

Obviously - romantic liaisons in Freshers' Week are another matter.

It's dinner/evenings that get me - we usually all eat together at night and have a catch up. So can't just sit around in the evenings - need to find a new project.

Really glad that your dd is feeling a bit better @BurnoutGP
@ComingInByAnsible you hit the nail on the head about your year 12- def feels like we haven’t even had chance to mourn the first departure and we have to start on the second 😞 she wants to do vetmed so LOTS to start thinking about. Can’t wait till year 13 like my eldest did.

@manywanderings perhaps we all need to think of a list of tips to help us through.. for me I had a great day on Saturday as I went for a run, walked the dog and then a swim in the sea, followed by watching tv in the eve, so keeping active and busy was good. However I’ve now come down with something so having to rest which leads to.. you guess it.. tracking dd on find my iPhone. I’m trying to also set myself a challenge to reduce screen time. But failing! Yes a new hobby might have to be the way fwd!

My dd has a severe needle phobia so hasn’t had the men B vaccine 🙁 looking at getting her some cbt to see if that helps.

I’ve asked her if she needs to email the uni to tell them she’s off sick and she’s not sure, anyone know what they’re meant to do?

University aren’t normally concerned about sickness other than where it impacts compulsory attendance, but they should let their academic tutor know for this reason. Universities are not acting in loco parentis - they don’t have a duty of care for adult students who are ill generally.

That sounds wonderful swimming in the sea. I am sure that would help! I'm not particularly mobile so no sports here. And it's difficult to get the adrenaline out. Managed to have a cry last night, and tonight, just OH and I arguing in a restaurant over a pudding - very embarrassing. It's difficult as he isn't missing him for some reason and I still feel like I've lost an arm or something. So at least we had a night out but it wasn't very relaxing! I don't track him - we never did do that anyway - well only a teeny bit when he was first driving and that app is deleted now. It was a deal that we wouldn't and he was always good about keeping in contact.

But I did manage to completely relax earlier by window shopping for clothes online. Now I just have to resist buying them as I don't need them.

So, this is weird, an empty nest after 32 years of having little, and not so little ones at home!
We dropped our youngest son at Warwick last Thursday, he was happy, his flat is nice and the sun was shining. He knew of one school friend who was joining the same university but has since discovered there are seven from his year so he’s had friends to team up with. He’s also fortunate that there’s another lad in his flat doing the same course and two others in the same faculty.
Having previously felt bereft when my eldest son left home at sixteen I was worried about how I’d cope but so far, so good. I’ve thrown myself into decorating his bedroom and bathroom. We’ve booked tickets to a couple of rugby matches and are having a weekend away later on in the term. Food shopping for two feels very strange and every time I go to the fridge there’s nothing missing. No tell tale plates and cups from late night snacks by the kitchen sink in the morning either!

mine has been ok until this week ( her third week ) lift has been broken for 3 days (12 th floor ) , she’s been sick for 8 days , misses her close friends who all seem to be having a brilliant time at other unis ( most of them are with another friend ).
she made friends on her course , joined a couple of societies , is close to one flatmate and gets on with the others but they’re not ‘her’ friends . She has adhd and can’t keep track of time so getting in cooking and laundry etc in is hard for her to manage because she’s so disorganised. She’s visiting friends this weekend so the will be a welcome break feom
having to be switched on all the time. I’ve explained it takes time to get used to new friends when your another friends have been your friends for years ! She says she’s ok just has her moments of loneliness .

Ds started lectures yesterday and I think it was a bit of a shock after a gap year! I think he misses home as he is not used to being in a city but seems busy and is enjoying his sport. He is looking forward to some field trips before Christmas. House seems quiet but food bill gone down!

Trying to think of positives today. Son's university gets long holidays - a month at Christmas and a month at Easter and over 3 months in summer.

I’m going to visit dd next week when she has a day with no lectures. We will meet halfway by train. Have a few bits to give her, I will take her to lunch and we will have a good few hours together. She’s still not feeling great but that isn’t stopping her going out most evenings. For those who’s young person is struggling, it’s early days and as routine sets in I hope it gets better.

I didn't expect to feel such a sense of loss. At all. I don't mean to be dramatic but it did feel like my world has shrunk a bit now.

Huge hugs. Me too. I really didn't expect it to feel like a loss. I still struggle in the evenings with the empty chair in the living room as we used to have TV dinners in there. Tried eating in the kitchen but that didn't help either as still an empty chair! That's the bit that really gets me. We plan to have a week-end away for a change of scene as I usually find a change of scene helps with raw memories. Had texts today and was able to help with something so that helped but then the waves come back! Maybe start planning Christmas? They'll be home again then.

I was thinking the same thing. She has 5 weeks at Christmas.

You're right. Christmas will be amazing, I hope.

It was my first day at work since dropping her off today and I just couldn't concentrate. I need to maybe allow myself to mourn a bit this week and honour the shift in dynamics then give myself a slap.

I am the same. Work from home and I just can’t concentrate. Addicted to stalking her instagram for clues as to what she’s up to and was tracking her all evening and watching her on the bus coming home at 2am. 😫🤦‍♀️ anyway I then decided to give myself a slap and I deleted find my iPhone. Realised at 2am that this wasn’t healthy for anyone and it had to stop. So I’m going cold turkey and may delete instagram for a bit too. Well then she called me while she was cooking dinner and we spoke for 45 mins so I am officially fully in the loop now and don’t feel quite the need to plot her every movement!

I texted my dc to ask how their first week back went on Saturday … and got a six word reply today, 72 hours later. Feeling envious of the 45 minute chats! (All is well)

@Girliefriendlikespuppies, so sorry to read that your DD got so poorly, sounds horrible. Hope she’s on her way to recovery now. Normally no one cares about short absences at uni, but for longer absences it’s worth letting her personal tutor know, especially if Bournemouth monitor attendance (I don’t know if they do, some unis use monitoring points), and if her illness means she might need coursework extensions or extenuating circumstances further down the line. There should be a wellbeing team too who might wish to be made aware. Her department might also have some policies - the point is that all unis are different in terms of how they deal with longer absences and so it’s worth checking this. Hope she feels better soon.

@ComingInByAnsible thank you, she is feeling better and last night was saying she wants to go back today. I’d rather she stay home for a few more days but will play it by ear.

I think because it’s such early days dd isn’t even sure who her tutor is yet! It’s really tricky to know how involved I should get, she is 20yo so one of the older ones starting uni. I am sure she will have had communication regarding who her tutor is but dd reckons not 🫤

@WaxMeltsMelting How is you DC? Mine also doesn't drink, but he still went out last week. (I don't really know the details.) Mine joined some societies (as long as they don't clash with his dinner. Priorities and all.) One society offered him snacks, he signed up on the spot 🤣
Apparently the library and the library cafe are really good if you want to meet people. I think DS goes there to eat, not so much to study.

I only hear from DS when he can't perform a basic household chore TBH. Apparently his housemates are just as clueless. Impossible!

she is 20yo so one of the older ones starting uni.

She will be decades off being one of the older ones! Yes there will be a load of 18 year olds but there are always a significant number of mature students, and international students are often a few years older too. Though mature students older than 25 or so are less likely to want to stay in halls.

DD messaged. Apparently she's definitely picked the right course and is loving it! Such a relief!!

That’s great, @hels71, just what you want to hear! Hope you and your DH are fully recovered now.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies, glad to read your DD is getting better, it’s a good sign that she’s keen to go back!

@Wehaditsogood, love the society snack bribery - it worked back in my day and it still works now! 😁 I know what you mean about chore communications, we had a very burnt on pan to help sort remotely the other day!

@Biggreenleaf and @Onthesofawithmydog, no 45 minute chats for us (yet), but we do manage to wrangle 10 minutes every couple of days. It really helps to see him and hear his voice and know that he is having a good time, tbh, makes a big difference with the sadness (as does the excessive work stress, but that’s another matter). Hugs and solidarity to you, @manywanderings and @Tomrrowandtomorrowandtommorrow, and everyone else missing your YP.