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[LeDix]

I am starting this thread in response to my DD's not receiving an offer from Oxford yesterday. She is disappointed, but hasn't taken it too badly, so that could be worse I suppose. Trouble is she gave so little thought to other universities, and her UCAS application was so specific to the course at Oxford we are a little bit worried that she might not even get other offers. Her second choice would be Durham but the course there is very very different to the one at Oxford, so we could imagine them reading her personal statement and rejecting her out of hand!

I wouldn’t worry too much! If she’s got the grades/ predicted grades to be applying to Oxford (Amazing btw) then other universities will 1000% value that. She’s clearly got aspirations and work ethic and I’m sure it will work out for her. This happened to my sister when applying but for Cambridge (her personal statement was also very tailored) and she didn’t get it, but was accepted to Durham and has just graduated with a first class law degree and loved her time there.

Being realistic, an awful lot people who apply to Oxford or Cambridge will have Durham as one of their other options. I expect the Admissions staff will be able to spot the fact as soon as they read the personal statement and see how it us scewed. But like the poster above says, Durham will still assess the application on merit. There is a good chance of getting an offer.

My DS was v disappointed last year but then started to feel it was their loss and worked v hard at his A levels to prove them wrong! He ended up with all _A stars an accelerated Masters and an academic scholarship at a different university on the same course. He has a much better work life balance and more diverse social opportunities compared to friends who did go to Oxbridge

I believe Durham will accept a personal statement in addition to the one used in the ucas application.

My dc was very flat after their rejection but rallied quickly and turned their attention elsewhere. I was so disappointed for them at the time. 11 Grade 9 Gcse’s and 4 A star predictions (which they achieved, state school). Dc was always the quiet, studious one and had a small friendship group, almost all of whom received offers despite dc being the one they tapped for info or to assist with their own work. One of the interviews just didn’t go their way - tech problems on the colleges part which then threw dc (which I felt was unfair as they weren’t given a second chance - they were unlucky).

Dc was also the least advantaged/privileged of the people we knew who had offers, with no academic or parental links with Oxbridge so maybe the ‘social capital’ wasn’t there (interesting reading about this on the Trinity Hall thread). Who knows.

The disappointment for me at the time was that I could just see that the small, nurturing environment could have served dc well as they’d never had that academically and also that dc was prepared to work hard as they were invested in the subject. It was also cheaper than a lot of other places with good financial support (scholarships etc).

Dc’s friends are having a varied time. One is doing very well with lots of opportunities and is having fun socially but that person was always super clever at their subject and doesn’t make an effort but is naturally gifted which is being recognised. The others are finding it more challenging and, for one, it has started to affect their mental health as they realise they will be lucky to get a 2:2 when they would have easily got a first at another, perhaps less academic place.

Dc went to another very well regarded university and is flying academically (predicted a first) and enjoying themselves socially so it all worked out well. I think they feel they dodged a bullet when they recount most of their friends experiences at Oxbridge. The option to apply for postgrad is coming up but dc isn’t sure as they want to get out into the world of work too.

So, it will all feel a bit raw for them and you at the moment but it all fades away and they enjoy where they end up. As clever people, they’ll do just as well in life and have some great opportunities also.

Thanks, your messages are really interesting and helpful!

Thanks for starting this thread. My son had a no yesterday which felt like a real shock despite knowing all along how small his chances were! I feel like we’ve both got some recalibrating to do but he’s already being very positive and feels that he can now plan to take a gap year next year. Whether he’ll go to one of his other offer unis on a deferral or reapply in the autumn I don’t know but I guess that’s a rather nice position to be in! I suppose if it had been a yes yesterday that would have been his next few years mapped out - with the pressure of having to make the grades.

It’s so reassuring hearing how others have handled it. Sending solidarity to everyone who’s in the same boat this week.

Hello, joining this thread. Thank you for starting it.
My DC was also rejected yesterday. They were applying grades in hand because they wanted a gap year to work for 8 months and then travel with their mates.
They were so disappointed as have perfect results (12 grade 9s and 5 A star A Levels) plus lots of super-curricular but it is what it is.
They have no other offers at the moment but know that these Unis offer after the release of the second TMUA and ESAT results, so mid Feb I think.
Lots of great information on here already and super lovely to hear how well other posters DC have done elsewhere.

DD passed Oxford tests, had an interview but got no further despite getting the grades She went to Durhum and had a blast. Got a 1st and is now doing very well. Don’t look back, only forward.

PS Durham offers late.

Dd was rejected 6 years ago, went to another well respected university and has had a wonderful time with a very good work/ life balance.
I was disappointed at that time as I could not understand how someone like her was rejected. I am so glad that she went elsewhere, having seen some of our friends’ children really struggle and they did not have a good time at all! Appreciate for some, it’s a brilliant place and they thrive.
All the children who have had rejections yesterday have done so well to have come this far, sometimes it’s just boils down to the number of applicants and your luck on that day! Good luck to all the children

Same happened to me aged 18- I’d been so concerned by Oxford my other 4 choices were much “easier” unis. In light of missing out on Oxford, actually none of them appealed! I also realised in the interview that the Oxford course wasn’t best suited to my interests.

Took a gap year, didn’t do anything fancy but had a ball working full time waitressing, saving some for uni but also went on some fab holidays with friends. Re-applied with LSE as my “stretch” choice and 4 other unis I was genuinely interested in. With grades behind me, I was much more confident in my choices. Ended up with 3 great offers and had nearly decided on my favourite when I got an LSE offer at the 11th hour.

The degree was hard for unrelated personal circumstances but it is absolutely the thing I am most proud of and the course was a much better fit for my interests. No one in my family went to uni, my college sent most people to the local ex poly, let alone Russell Group. I didn’t let the Oxford rejection deter me, instead I refocussed on something better for me (if not more competitive) and I succeeded, with very very little help. Have a fab career in investment banking (definitely the LSE degree that got me that!) now but I still look back with great fondness to the teen me who followed her dreams with 0 hesitation, even in the face of rejection.

Best of luck to your DD!!!

I've no experience of Oxford or Durham @LeDix but I wouldn't worry too much about the personal statement. I'm sure this is a fairly common scenario. My DS is currently doing a degree that is only offered at 3 Universities in the UK so his remaining two applications were to a totally different course. (Well, related, but not closely). His personal statement was obviously heavily weighted towards the course he actually wanted to do and I had similar worries to you. I was concerned that as he was applying for a rather niche thing with not many places he might not get in and then the admissions tutors at the other courses would wonder why he'd even applied to them. But at the same time, as he wanted to maximise his chances of getting his preferred course obviously it made sense for him to sell himself as well as possible in his personal statement.
As it happens I needn't have worried as he got offers from all 5. His PS obviously didn't put the other courses off him. I have heard that lots of Universities don't actually bother that much about the PS and that some don't even read it. But even if they do, it can't be that unusual that an applicant focuses their PS towards a specific course but still has the potential to be an excellent student elsewhere. If a young person is applying for Oxbridge they almost certainly have a lot to offer and I would imagine admissions tutors can see beyond the emphasis in the PS.
For what it's worth, I was rejected by Cambridge many years ago. I can't deny it hurt a lot at the time, but, like many others have experienced, I went to another good University, had a great time and have had a very happy and successful professional and personal life as a result. It's not nice to be rejected for anything and the feeling that you're not good enough or unwanted is deeply unpleasant. But over time I moved away from thinking that I wasn't good enough to the view that that course in that place just wasn't the right fit for me. I hope your DC feels better soon and goes on to great success elsewhere.

Thanks @LeDixfor starting this, found my people again! No offer for DS last Tuesday but he’s handled it so well and is positive and looking forward to all his other options, so impressed with him. I was definitely over invested, so taking his lead and looking forward to continuing the exciting journey on this thread.

So many positive stories ❤️

My DD messed up an A level so lost her place! That felt awful at the time since she actually had a place! However here we are 15 years later and everything is fine. She has the career she wanted anyway and is doing very well at that. I’m not sure Oxford would have been right for her now. She’s always been a very busy person and academics wasn’t always what she loved most. It was a means to an end.

Thank you for sharing. That must have terrible at the time, but again all worked out and seems it was for the best.

Thanks for sharing these positive stories, they really do help!

DS was feeling really fine at first but was very upset last night. Almost a relief as I think he often buries his feelings in an unhealthy way but very heartbreaking as his mum. I still feel a bit of disbelief about it all - and realise it’s a massive lesson to me to not be so over-invested!

My hope now is that by the autumn he’ll have had a fun summer, a fantastic gap year to look forward to, a strong set of achieved grades and will either be super excited about one of his current offers - or perhaps feel like he wants to try again with UCAS, for Oxford again maybe but perhaps also for other unis we didn’t have time to consider this time round.

Don't worry, Durham is full of those who didn't get into Oxford and Cambridge, the staff can't be put off by focused statements.

Durham is known as "Doxbridge" because so many students go there after being turned down by Oxbridge. It's why they give late offers. They expect it.

This was me 18 years ago!
I got into Exeter which I absolutely loved and had a better time than I ever would have done at Oxford. Came out with a First and now have a Master's and run a business.

Absolutely don't worry. My daughter has applied for medicine to 3 universities and Chemistry at 2 others. I think she sent a separate letter for the Chemistry courses. She sat her A Levels last year but didn't want to do the UCAT in the summer of her Y12 so her application is in for this year's cohort. She's got two medical school interviews and 2 confirmed places for Chemistry. Her school somewhat glossed over her as she wasn't the absolute top tier grammar student - think after school detentions and wearing her skirt too short and academically being a bit lost in Y12. She was also a very harsh critic of herself in the run up to the exams but worked really hard for both the UCAT and A Levels. In the end it was a chat she had with the Head of Sixth Form at the school where I'm a teacher that convinced her that she had a chance and to go for medicine. She's now working and saving money and her interpersonal skills are so much better with encountering the weird and wonderful general public! I actually think the gap year, which wasn't part of her original plan and came about to a wobbly Y12 has been so good for her. Opportunity comes in many forms doesn't it.

I wish your DD the best of luck!

My DD also didn’t get an offer for Cambridge. She had the (3 x A*) grades already. She felt they had already decided no by the interview, which was not at all as expected (no challenging her answers, no pushing for more depth, just bland questions). She was devastated even though it was a fairly last minute decision to apply. She’s at Durham now.
I actually do think she would have thrived there. She finds her co hort at Durham not very engaged with the course and rarely seem to do the pre reading. She’s certainly not having a ‘blast’ there, but she’s an anti social girl and would probably be dissatisfied at many places. Anyway it is what it is. Who knows why this applicant is chosen and that one isn’t - I don’t think the colleges themselves could articulate why.
But fortunately for all Oxbridge are not the only two universities out there. And most successful people didn’t go to either. As long as students take full advantage of whichever uni they go to (so many guest lectures, so many societies and opportunities to get involved), study hard, are proactive (get that LinkedIn profile up and running) they will excel!

One thing my DS and I have agreed - which is completely backed up by the experiences shared here - is that one day in the future he’ll wish he could go back and tell January 2026 him that everything is going to be ok.