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[LeDix]

I am starting this thread in response to my DD's not receiving an offer from Oxford yesterday. She is disappointed, but hasn't taken it too badly, so that could be worse I suppose. Trouble is she gave so little thought to other universities, and her UCAS application was so specific to the course at Oxford we are a little bit worried that she might not even get other offers. Her second choice would be Durham but the course there is very very different to the one at Oxford, so we could imagine them reading her personal statement and rejecting her out of hand!

@Potimarron DD was lucky in that she had a career in mind. She did everything she could to pursue that career. Oxford might have been a slight advantage but it wasn’t going to enhance many good things she was able to offer other than possibly a faster university pace. However dd did a lot at university and in the holidays and is great with people. I would suggest thinking about a career and the best way to get it. Students have a bit more time elsewhere to tailor their cv and that’s useful,

@OhDear111 Sadly that’s a bit trickier with my DS who is all about academic study and less clear on what career he wants - he wants to study English and needs a university with opportunities to write and engage with student theatre and others who are equally engaged, not a course that offers a clear career path - which is why Oxford felt so perfect 😕

@LeDix One of the things she was most looking forward to about Oxford was working with other students who are as focussed and obsessive about the subject as she is!

This exactly 😕

My Dd is an Oxford ‘reject’ from last yr and is now at Durham - she is engaged and working hard, and it sounds like a lot of them are. While I’m sure there are a few slackers, the majority seem to want to work hard (from what she says) We were in your situation last yr but it’s been fine now and I think a blessing, Durham is a fantastic town, lots of character and plenty of opportunities to work hard and be surrounded by other clever kids but with less pressure than Oxbridge. I think it’s a great happy medium.

The engagement of students seems very random.

My DD is at Aber which obviously is unlikely to match Oxbridge for fanatical students.

But on her joint Honours one subject she's benefited from having lone tutorials as other students haven't bothered to turn up, the other subject some of her friends on the course were Whats Apping about some interesting news on Christmas Day!

I work at Durham University, OP.
What course has she applied for? Some are massively over-subscribed and then an Oxford-tailored statement might be an issue.
Other courses struggle to fill their places and so an off-kilter statement won't make a difference at all.

In reply to @mondaytosunday 's comment: "She finds her co-hort at Durham not very engaged with the course and rarely seem to do the pre reading "

I find Durham students fit into one of two camps with almost no middle ground:

There are those that are massively engaged to an incredible level. They read everything and then more. They go to research seminars. They speak in class. They think deeply.
Then there are those that phone it in. They don't read. They don't do anything remotely extra. They don't speak in class. They plug preparatory questions into AI and just read that out in class if absolutely necessary.

There isn't really a middle ground. It's very odd.

@mondaytosunday do you mind me asking which subject your daughter applied for? Did it have any additional tests? I'm surprised they weren't biting her 3xA star hand off given that the majority of students there don't in fact have such good grades (certain STEM subjects excepted).

@Potimarron Yes it can feel like the gold standard but if writing is his thing, there’s plenty of opportunity at other universities. It’s also highly competitive to get writing for some university publications at Oxford but less so elsewhere. Student theatre is also available elsewhere. A friend of DDs at Cambridge never did get accepted into Footlights.

University is a time to try out new things and even start things! Therefore look for what is available regarding his other choices. There’s bound to be something! Go to offer days and hone in on detail. A neighbour’s DS is a political journalist - Pschology degree from Leeds. So avenues exist if you find them.

Durham seems popular. Where else have your DC applied?

Oh yes, we’ll absolutely do that - he’s approaching it all positively and with an open and curious mind. Just hard to shake off that ‘gold standard’ as you so aptly put it, especially as the application process was so intense. But the disappointment is still very raw. I’m sure it will feel different as the next few weeks/months go by and other opportunities present themselves.

Both my children had interviews for Cambridge colleges, but did not get offered places. Both did well at other universities. Both from comprehensive education till Yr 11 and then college for A levels, A* results. Both selected for Sutton Trust weeks. The only successful applicants they know all had a parent who attended the college they applied for at Cambridge or Oxford. Pretty cynical here about the whole process.

they realise they will be lucky to get a 2:2 when they would have easily got a first at another, perhaps less academic place

Yep DBro was in that situation 20 years ago as well! He also wanted to socialise and do multiple extracurricular sports etc and most people just can’t during term time if they want to keep up.

I knew I wanted to party, so went to uni in London (medical school so no difference in prestige).

She should be fine. Classics isn't over-subscribed. As long as she's on track for the grades, she'll get an offer.

I think you get a mix of students everywhere. My DS's best friend from school went to Durham and I'm sure he is extremely focused and engaged with his course. (Possibly hyperfocused in fact.) One of my friend's DD is at Cambridge and was recently moaning about someone she is paired with on a project not pulling their weight. As I mentioned upthread, my DS is studying a fairly niche subject with only 3, quite small courses in the country. He expected everyone else on his course to have a similar passion and ambition to himself. Some do, some don't. There are some of his peers he finds very frustrating, others that are very similar to himself, and some that got a bit carried away with other aspects of student life in first year and have since settled down - I think that is probably quite common.
There's a danger of idealising something you haven't got. When she finds imperfections in her eventual destination (as she will, because nowhere is perfect) it will be tempting to think "that wouldn't have happened at Oxford" but you can't actually know that. People are imperfect wherever they are. There will of course be things that Oxford has to offer that are unique, but I'd put money on there also being things that are better elsewhere. The advice I was given as a young person and have passed on to my children is to look forward at what will be, not backwards at what might have been.

Thanks

There's a danger of idealising something you haven't got. When she finds imperfections in her eventual destination (as she will, because nowhere is perfect) it will be tempting to think "that wouldn't have happened at Oxford" but you can't actually know that. People are imperfect wherever they are

very true!

@Potimarron I think it’s healthier not to get too invested in Oxbridge. Take the other choices very seriously and now it really matters what they offer. They will all have excellent options for him to progress his interests.

I now don’t think DD would have wanted to be around intense people for 3/4 years. She liked doing things not related to studying and it broadened her cv. There’s merit in being a rounded person.

DS's flatmate graduated in classics from Durham this summer. Now at Cambridge studying for a masters. As one door closes...

I’ve also got a dc rejected from Oxford for classics waiting for Durham. Although I actually don’t think that will be their pick. I’ve seen some offers - not sure why it takes so long!

@NorthEastFartHead do you mean this year or always ?

I’ve known several people reapply and get in on a second attempt. Just putting that out there.

I'm a lurker and really to invested in this thread. I grew up in Oxford and still live in one of surrounding towns and went to Oxford Brookes.
My DD does not have the grades for Oxford, she went to a state school and has an unconditional offer from Durham.
I'm taking the train in to Oxford tomorrow to meet my family for lunch. I love the city as it is apart of my childhood but outside the university/'s it blows my mind because it's such a small city and also so expensive. Even getting to the train station from one side of Oxford to another is hard work.

We definitely don't have curry mile like Manchester does.

We luve within 30 mins of Oxford and love the city. I posted upthread that DD didn’t quite make it and went to Durhum and loved it. She never really had her heart on Oxford but was encouraged by a teacher as she had the grade potential and did get them. She looks back on it as a great experience staying in Keeble College overnight etc
Love O ford vut it’s small and the traffic is crazy. Having said that Durhum is also tiny and expensive for the North East. But it’s more of a party uni and DD as well as being clever was a party girl. She is 25 now and has no regrets apart from Covid as she was there 2019-2022. Have to say their Freshers organisation was amazing . She was at Collingwood.

I love this.