Redirected from Oxford

[LeDix]

I am starting this thread in response to my DD's not receiving an offer from Oxford yesterday. She is disappointed, but hasn't taken it too badly, so that could be worse I suppose. Trouble is she gave so little thought to other universities, and her UCAS application was so specific to the course at Oxford we are a little bit worried that she might not even get other offers. Her second choice would be Durham but the course there is very very different to the one at Oxford, so we could imagine them reading her personal statement and rejecting her out of hand!

Does anyone have any idea when Durham will make offers?

I work at Durham. Durham is always really late with offers - February, March and sometimes into April. Don't panic.

Thanks. We're on tenterhooks 😆

My DD is at another university where there are a lot of Oxbridge rejects on her course - plenty of students with lots of 9s and A-stars - who are massively engaged with their subject and with university life. But there are also students who are far less interested and say little in seminars. Something that my DD has discovered is that when it comes to module choices in second and third year, the more engaged students all get their first choices and therefore their engagement continues to increase whereas the less engaged students have to make do with modules that were not their first choice (sometimes even with allocations that they hadn't put on their list!) and so their engagement wanes even further. My DD loves her subject and is in the lucky position of having her high level of engagement in first year rewarded with her first choice of modules in 2nd and 3rd year where she also finds herself with highly engaged students.

All that to say that, in reputable universities, there will be plenty of engaged students who will increasingly find themselves in the same highly desirable seminar groups as their course progresses.

My DS is a fresher at Durham this year and enjoying it. He was very focused on Edinburgh but didn't get an offer there. He didn't apply for Oxford or Cambridge (once I had asked him to reconsider three times I decided I would have to accept that decision...).
In his hill college townhouse of 12 the other 11 had all been rejected from either Oxford or Cambridge which surprised him. Sharing how far you got, and who rejected you, is apparently a big topic of conversation in freshers week at Durham!

Joining this thread as my DS was rejected from Cambridge this week.

He’s feeling really down about it. I didn’t realise quite how much he’d set his heart on it. Not entirely sure what I should say or do now - I don’t want to keep talking about it but also don’t want to ignore it/minimise it as it is a big deal. I’ve tried talking about the offers he has from other Unis a little bit but he doesn’t seem enthused by them at all. Maybe it’s too soon.

Interested to hear how all the DC redirected from Oxford are feeling a couple of weeks on? Hoping DS is just in the worst bit now and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also any tips for making them feel better!

My DS is coping pretty well. He would very much have liked to go to my old college.

However, there are lots of options for him

• he could take a gap year after A levels and apply again. This is a bit complicated for mathsy courses, in case the maths skills are thought to be in danger of going off the boil. However, people do reapply and some get in.

• he has offers from other very good universities, including one commutable from home, for which there are arguments in favour and against!

• his best mate also wasn't accepted but got an offer from one of the same universities. They are planning to go to an offer holders day together and are quite looking forward to that!

• the chances of getting a first are much higher at some of his other choices (DS looked really quite interested at that idea)

• and also it might be possible to do a masters or doctorate at Oxbridge later?

• he could rethink his course choice also (if he was that keen to go to Oxbridge, there are courses on which it would be much easier to get a place, worth considering in some cases).

• he is also really looking forward to the whole University experience Oxbridge or no Oxbridge - one of the other choices apparently has an excellent reputation for nightlife.

• and of course he is planning to go and visit his mate who did get an Oxford place for some fun weekends

I feel for him @loopylocks and you.
My DC was devastated but is feeling better two weeks on. I was devastated for them but of course didn’t show it. They have taken a gap year (applying grades I hand) as didn’t want to miss out going off travelling with their mates.
No other offers yet either. We will both feel much better with at least one offer asap.
That said, two weeks on and they are feeling much better and really looking forward to going travelling soon.

It’s so brutal @loopylocks but my DS has coped well with it and is moving on really positively - I think he just didn’t want to think about it at all at first, and sensibly threw himself into his mocks. Now they’re over, I think he’s quite enjoying the sense that his future is wide open - if he’d had an Oxford offer it would have meant the next three years were completely mapped out (plus the potential heartbreak of not getting the grades). He’s excited about doing a gap year which he wouldn’t have done if he’d got an Oxford offer and is starting to make travel plans with friends. And he’s starting to talk a bit more about his other current offers and is looking forward to offer holder days in the next couple of months.

I’ve definitely dwelt on the whole thing more than he has and a big part of me hopes he will feel like reapplying once has grades in hand, but who knows? Maybe by then he will know exactly what he wants and maybe that won’t be Oxford any more. Either way, I feel confident that he’s got a fantastic future ahead and I’ve been so proud of how he’s dealt with this setback.

I’d say give it time - it really felt like the wind had been knocked out of our sails for the first week or so, but it does gradually get easier. It’s ok to mourn the life they’d imagined/we’d imagined for them but in time it will become clear that there are so many other wonderful opportunities ahead.

I knew folk who did joint honours classics at Oxford. Huge workload. Lucky escape!

All is not lost! Our DS, not an Oxford reject, had the most fantastic time at Durham, he went on an invitational overnight taster session and absolutely loved it, so much so that he wouldn't really countenance going anywhere else.
He came away with a decent 2.1, had several job offers and is now doing well at a very good wine and spirits company.

Oxford declined dd in 2016. She received offers from: Manchester, Nottingham, Exeter and Edinburgh, accepting Edinburgh as 1st choice. Her A'Levels were astounding' dropping only 10 UMS points across the board.

She jumped in the car and said "right, I've declined the Edinburgh offer, Oxford disn't want me, Cambridge might, I'm having a gap year and reapplying.

On reapplication she was offered Durham, v quickly, UCL, Manchester, Bristol. Slightly differe t course so different uni's. Cam ridge accepted her. She had a fab time, no regrets.

Dd was rejected earlier this week, really feel for her as she has done absolutely everything she can but it wasn’t enough.she is one of the youngest in her year, turning 18 this summer.
What makes it even worse is that she hasn’t got another offer for a university she would like to go.
She is in the middle of her course work deadlines, mock exams and has buried her head in A level work and seems to take it well apart from one evening when it was all a bit overwhelming for her. Her work ethic is astounding and will do well in the long run. But it’s hard for 17/18 year olds to see that!
We just have to be there for them and give some space and time for them to get over this. Lots of cakes, hugs and long chats for the last few days.
I absolutely hate this system of applying to only 5 universities and only one of Oxbridge, having to apply before you know your entrance exam mark - everything would have worked in the past but with so many applicants for popular courses, it’s absolutely brutal and I know so many children really suffering from mental health issues esp anxiety.
I understand that this process work for university but is this the right thing for our young people ? I don’t know.

Mine was interviewed and pooled at Cambridge but not fished out
She went to Durham. Now doing a phd. I think she’s largely forgotten she applied to Cambridge for undergrad tbh despite feeling v disappointed at the time. I reminded her recently about her tears ( and strop) and she laughed and eye rolled. At the time she was a blimming nightmare for about a week!
Good luck to your YP.

I agree @ProfessorLayton1 I think the system needs an overhaul. The time and emotional energy it’s taken up this year when DS has been under intense pressure at school has been crazy.

Our aim this year has been to make sure that she is happy and she knows whatever happens, that we face it as family unit and will absolutely stand by whatever choice she makes. I have seen so many of our friends’ children suffer from self doubt, anxiety etc., when they were at A level, I don’t want that for my daughter. We did not treat Oxbridge as something special and it was one of her choices.
Our children have done so well, they have bright future wherever they end up.

I love this attitude! You are so right.

ps. I really hope your DD gets an offer she wants soon. My DS has four great offers but the trouble is they’ve all been relegated in his mind while attention was placed on the Oxbridge process. When he’s feeling better hoping he can look at them afresh and with renewed excitement.

TBH the UCAS system is absolutely fantastic compared to university application systems in many comparable countries. The problem is the world being so very competitive.

Hi can I join as DD2 just rejected from Cambridge and am finding the oxbridge thread with all the positives a little hard.
We've been in such a rollercoaster as her no was after being pooled and interviewed again so she feels like 2 colleges didn't feel she was good enough. She has however seemed to have moved on and is embracing her 2nd choice (KCL so London very different to Cam). I was fine and tbh for us London is very much easier to get to. But now a few days on I'm feeling more sad and disappointed for her (not in her). This has been her dream for so long i can't help but feel sad for her. I know she will be fine and I need to get over it. But she's been through so much to get here I feel so bad for her.

Hello and welcome to the thread.
I understand how you feel, I feel the same for my DC. However, it is what it is and there are so many amazingly talented young people worldwide competing for so few places. Getting through to interview is such an achievement.
Where else has your DC applied?

Welcome @BurnoutGP, KCL is such a good university and your Dd will have a fab time. What degree is she doing ? No problem if you don’t want to divulge this information. Dd 1 went to a London university and had absolutely fabulous time. She is working in London now and has a ready made network of friends who she has known since she was 18 and has literally gone through the young adulthood stage of their life together and all her friends have stayed back in London. There is a lot of advantages for your Dd if she goes to KCL and she should be absolutely proud in what she has achieved.

Thanks both. It's a relatively small subject (theology) and I know we were so lucky that she already had 4 other good offers so at least she has really good options (kings, Edinburgh, Cardiff, bristol)

Cambridge interviews far more than Oxford but then has a higher reject % I would assume, after interview.

There are far too many applicants placing all their hopes on poor odds of getting in. It has to be seen as a bonus, not what is your absolute and only good option. Many universities are very good and who, to be blunt, is judging where a theology degree comes from? Not many employers I suspect. No dc should be so fixated on one outcome and parents need to try and get this across to dc.

Gosh give me a second. It's been 3 days after months of preparation No one is fixated or absolute here. Have never for a second put any pressure or expectation on DD. It's all from her and am absolutely not telling her I'm disappointed. The disappointment is for her not in her. I am beyond proud of her. At 18 you are allowed to have hopes and dreams and as a parent I am here to encourage that. She's doing great and moving on with her other choices.
No need to be dissing the subject either 🙄

I think you need to realise that many private schools have low quality teachers who wouldn’t last ten minutes in a state school. This is especially true of STEM teachers in private girls’ schools.

What the private schools do have is an entrance test. The young people who do fabulously from these schools - and some do that’s for sure - are often exceptionally bright.

Credit is due to them not the school. Don’t diminish them.