Leaving home and moving to uni countdown

[Claymoreiron]

Is there a thread for this? In a matter of weeks many of us will be packing our DCs off to university. I am thrilled for my DS who has worked so hard and is so excited to start university life. However, I am also dreading it in equal measure and know that emotionally this transition will be tough for me.

How is everyone?

"Please don’t say this will be the most amazing experience, best time of their lives, that they will make friends that will last forever - most likely none of this will be true and it only builds up an expectation that is impossible to meet. If it happens great, but I think for a lot if us it’s only looking back that we see the best bits - living it can be pretty uncertain and lonely for much of the time."

@mondaytosunday I think this is excellent advice, I think those of us who went to uni in the 80s / 90s can be particularly guilty of this (DH and I certainly were) and it is definitely worth parents taking heed of this because so many students today have such a very different experience and there are so many different pressures and challenges that simply weren't there 30 years ago. My eldest DC definitely enjoyed his uni but certainly didn't have the "amazing/time of life/friendships forever" experience.

To all parents getting their DC ready to head off - thinking of you all - I don't have a DC heading off this year but I know it will come around all too quickly for DC2 and it only feels like yesterday that we were getting DS1 ready to go and his three years went in the blink of an eye!

And on a practical note - for those panicking about fitting it all in the car - can highly recommend these to shrink down duvets, mattress toppers, bedding etc!

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07QGQXS31?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1&th=1

I have got two leaving at the same time, they won't be far from each other but will be about 4-6 hours travel from home (depending on train/ coaches).

I asked them each if they'd be up for a weekly phone call and they were like "no of course not, we'll call you randomly when it suits us". I did point out that I might be busy and doing things other than sitting around waiting for them to call.

And they both looked at me like they didn't believe me!

😐

The HPV schedule changed - so 1 will give your DS adequate cover. Only 1 is offered now

My DS off to Cambridge - doesn’t start until October and it’s fairly close to where we live so aware I have it easier than most!

Still slightly dreading him being away though - he’s a lovely steady presence in our house. I do think it’s helpful that he has two younger siblings to keep me occupied , plus he’s been away quite a bit this summer travelling and at gf’s house 😂 - so helps as an easing in. Thanks for starting this thread xx

How's everyone? I keep thinking there must be more we need to do before uni starts but I can't think what!

1 week to go here and it’s passwords and paperwork I need to sort/write out/photocopy. Oh and wash the new towels - I keep forgetting to do that!

Thank you for this idea. My daughter starts at Surrey Uni next week. She was there last year on a Foundation and is taking far less this time, so I’ve suggested she see if there’s a sale.

The one essential was her air fryer, but needs a double this year!

One week to go here. Eldest off to Nottingham Trent. I thought I’d be ok as they had a gap year and were away travelling for a lot of it, but definitely feeling a bit wobbly today. My other child has a lot of additional needs and can be quite challenging- I’ll miss having interesting conversations with the older one.

Fortnight to go. Am distracting myself with work but, if I'm honest, I am dreading it so much. I absolutely know that it's the right thing and that everything will be okay, but my son is a lovely young man who is funny and clever and such a joy to be with, and I'm going to miss him terribly. I had a bit of a cry last night after we said goodnight. I'm hiding all my sadness about it quite well thus far, I think!

Last year when we left her for the Foundation year, was hard. Being able to see where she was on location sharing helped enormously.

Unfortunately dd was in halls away from the main campus and the others on her floor - 6 rooms, were all Chinese, so she didn’t really have anyone in the evenings and if she went to the campus it was an Uber or night bus back, which worried me.

Her Play Station was a lifesaver as at least she had gamer friends to chat to.

This year she’s in the main campus near the coffee shop and student bar, just a stroll away. I’m hoping it will be more of the Uni. experience.

she worked away for the summer too, so I feel
shes more set up ti be away.

Dropped DD off at halls today. Managed to not cry when I said goodbye, but have had a bit of a cry when we got back. It feels very odd that her room is empty. It’s not as bad as for some people—she is only 1.5 hours away and she’ll be back late October. But, still, it’s very strange.

Dd is home tomorrow after months of being abroad. Will be back for a week and then moves out. So in a way I don’t feel that I’ll be sad when dropping her off as I feel I’ve acclimatised already. At least she’ll be in the same country now. I bought her an ice cube tray in Primark today 😁

I've got ds going to Uni of Nottingham in two weeks. He's no 2 and his sister is also in Nottingham so I'm happy he'll have her around if he has any issues. He's just had a gap year where he did some independent travelling and he's always been very streetwise and confident, so I'm not worried about him socially. He can cook, do washing etc. I am worried about his admin skills; he has ADHD and really struggles with organisation. His gap year has definitely helped, but I'm still concerned he'll miss deadlines.

We haven't bought anything yet! He's currently in Spain, so I'm waiting till he's back...

I was thinking about this thread today. I think what's helping me is not thinking of it as them "leaving home and moving to uni". I'm just thinking of it as them going to uni because they will still have their bedroom here, most of their musical instruments, clothes, books etc. I definitely don't feel like they're leaving home, so I'm not feeling very sad. They will be back for at least part of reading week anyway.

I’ll be pleasantly surprised if Dd comes back for Xmas never mind a reading week 😁.

Yes, DD1 just properly left home to start a graduate job. It felt different to when she left for University, as she still seemed to be at home so much, in summer, Christmas, easter and she still had her bedroom as it was.

When dd2 went she said we weren't to visit, and don't expect her home, probably not even for Christmas... She came home I think 3 times that term and me or dh went to her, at her invitation, twice.

Thank you for this! DS is going to be four hours away and I'm really trying to reframe it in my mind.

hello all! Moving date is so soon now!

Can anyone suggest large, foldable reusable bags for moving day? Those that can be folded away when not needed but good enough to use multiple times and big enough for large items like duvets, pillows,etc?
Someone in Mumsnet posted a link in a uni thread, but I cannot find it! I thought it was in this thread.

@HappynLife https://amzn.eu/d/86PRR08

Really useful and can help used as laundry bags while at uni.

Yes - not long til Christmas!

perfect! Those are the ones. Thank you @mondaytosunday

DS had a false start last year as he had to come home after a serious health issue. His health condition is now managed and he's had a good gap year. He starts back next weekend. I'm managing my anxiety, fighting flashbacks, knowing I will find the dropoff triggering, not knowing what he will be triggered by.

I do apologise if this isn't what this thread is really about but I'm struggling and need some MN solidarity vibes

Even though he had a false start before, doesn’t mean he will again. He’s obviously taken the brave decision to have another go, and bear in mind this time he will know exactly what to expect and it will all be familiar to him with how it all works, so that’s a huge difference.

It’s really hard as a parent to watch a vulnerable child go into the unknown, and give that whole aura of “everything is fine“. My daughter has a number of health issues and is on the spectrum which really affects her organisation and planning so totally get your concerns. My daughter would be mortified to use it, but is there student support there or a number that they can ring or speak to someone, it may be worth making sure that this is accessible to him, sometimes it’s easier for them to speak to someone else.

I was very tempted last year, to speak to the disability/diversity team and ask if there was somebody designated on her course or within her faculty that she could have regular contact with, but then felt that perhaps it wasn’t for me to instigate that, so I left it! She was okay, although they didn’t really find her feet until January. She’s now going back having done a foundation and she’s actually quite excited.

All we can do is be there and let them know that hone is still here. I think it’s also good to say that it may be hard for the first few weeks, not everyone throws themselves into Freshers and that’s ok.

Agree with @Paddlinglikehell

We had someone who started and was so homesick they dropped out in the first two weeks.
Next year they came back and had no issues at all.