Leaving home and moving to uni countdown

Claymoreiron · 2025-08-18T04:09:06+00:00

Is there a thread for this? In a matter of weeks many of us will be packing our DCs off to university. I am thrilled for my DS who has worked so hard and is so excited to start university life. However, I am also dreading it in equal measure and know that emotionally this transition will be tough for me. How is everyone?

Ineedcoffeenow · 18/08/2025 07:05

Me too! DD moves on 6 September. It’s going to be so strange for her to not be at home. I know she’s a bit apprehensive about it all, but I think she’ll figure stuff out. I just hope her flatmates are nice.

@Claymoreiron where is your DS going?

Original poster

Claymoreiron · 18/08/2025 07:16

He’s going to a uni in Scotland. It’s a bit outing so don’t want to be more specific! It’s about a 3 hour train journey away.

OP posts:

Loubelou71 · 18/08/2025 07:33

I'm dreading this too. My house will seem so quiet. My son is really good company. Mine isn't going far but will be living in halls. I know it'll do him good but he's got lots to learn before he goes...he can't cook or change a bed so we've got some tough lessons ahead 😂
It's all the bits and bobs they're going to need....I could do with tips for this too

Ineedcoffeenow · 18/08/2025 10:43

DD is also going to a Scottish uni, but we’re just an hour away.

I’ve got pen and paper in the kitchen and adding stuff to the list as I remember it. It’s getting long! Everyone so far has said they need a mattress topper. Having seen the mattresses in halls. I’d agree! But it’s a 3/4 double bed which makes it trickier.

HPFA · 18/08/2025 11:42

Check whether the uni has a giveaway/sale during Freshers Week - a lot of students just abandon things like pans.

My daughter had a cleaning job over the summer for a university residence and the amount of swag she brought home from the "abandoned" box was an eye-opener.

Check from 4:10 onwards if you want to see what Aber's giveaway looks like - I doubt it's much different elsewhere.

SchoolNightWine · 18/08/2025 12:34

Loubelou71 · 18/08/2025 07:33

I'm dreading this too. My house will seem so quiet. My son is really good company. Mine isn't going far but will be living in halls. I know it'll do him good but he's got lots to learn before he goes...he can't cook or change a bed so we've got some tough lessons ahead 😂
It's all the bits and bobs they're going to need....I could do with tips for this too

Cooking and bed making lessons here this week too!

SchoolNightWine · 18/08/2025 12:36

Ineedcoffeenow · 18/08/2025 10:43

DD is also going to a Scottish uni, but we’re just an hour away.

I’ve got pen and paper in the kitchen and adding stuff to the list as I remember it. It’s getting long! Everyone so far has said they need a mattress topper. Having seen the mattresses in halls. I’d agree! But it’s a 3/4 double bed which makes it trickier.

Everyone seems to recommend buying double bedding, protectors and toppers for the 3/4 beds, as that’s what they mostly have in private accommodation for following years. I’ve just bought double everything.

mondaytosunday · 18/08/2025 12:57

My DD did this a year ago.
Shop from your kitchen - give your kid a couple old pots and pans and dinnerware and buy new for yourself!
She moves into a shared house this year and three beds are single, one three quarters, one double. So the hotel thing and use a flat sheet as the bottom sheet and just tuck it in if unsure of sizes (though fitted sheets can be cheap so not something I’d mind buying).
Halls can be either sweltering or cold - never in between it seems! Review laundry rules - lights/darks/things that shouldn’t go in the dryer.
Students might need an extra £200 for freshers week to pay for societies/gym/other fees and socialising but £50/week after that is a good figure to start out with (if non catered).
Then let them be! My DD who seemed to start off ok had a serious wobble a week in. But she took herself in hand and consciously decided to get as much from the uni as possible. She hasn’t found ‘her tribe’ and maybe won’t ever. But she attends loads of guest lectures, has joined several societies, goes to her department socials and any free concert/recital/performance on offer. She doesn’t drink at all but will join in at the pub with a soft drink - and in that note despite reports she does feel a fair bit of judgement that she doesn’t drink.
Please don’t say this will be the most amazing experience, best time of their lives, that they will make friends that will last forever - most likely none of this will be true and it only builds up an expectation that is impossible to meet. If it happens great, but I think for a lot if us it’s only looking back that we see the best bits - living it can be pretty uncertain and lonely for much of the time.

Loubelou71 · 18/08/2025 17:03

mondaytosunday · 18/08/2025 12:57

My DD did this a year ago.
Shop from your kitchen - give your kid a couple old pots and pans and dinnerware and buy new for yourself!
She moves into a shared house this year and three beds are single, one three quarters, one double. So the hotel thing and use a flat sheet as the bottom sheet and just tuck it in if unsure of sizes (though fitted sheets can be cheap so not something I’d mind buying).
Halls can be either sweltering or cold - never in between it seems! Review laundry rules - lights/darks/things that shouldn’t go in the dryer.
Students might need an extra £200 for freshers week to pay for societies/gym/other fees and socialising but £50/week after that is a good figure to start out with (if non catered).
Then let them be! My DD who seemed to start off ok had a serious wobble a week in. But she took herself in hand and consciously decided to get as much from the uni as possible. She hasn’t found ‘her tribe’ and maybe won’t ever. But she attends loads of guest lectures, has joined several societies, goes to her department socials and any free concert/recital/performance on offer. She doesn’t drink at all but will join in at the pub with a soft drink - and in that note despite reports she does feel a fair bit of judgement that she doesn’t drink.
Please don’t say this will be the most amazing experience, best time of their lives, that they will make friends that will last forever - most likely none of this will be true and it only builds up an expectation that is impossible to meet. If it happens great, but I think for a lot if us it’s only looking back that we see the best bits - living it can be pretty uncertain and lonely for much of the time.

Good idea about shopping from home. They don't need brand new just the bits from home. I'm buying new for here instead.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/08/2025 17:34

DD goes on the 13th. The house will be very quiet without her…

Mumofthreeadultboys · 18/08/2025 23:33

My son has been given Nixon house accommodation at Leicester uni and I’ve read sone bad reviews. Does anyone have any experience with this. Am I over worrying should I contact the uni? Any advice appreciated. Thanks

Dery · 18/08/2025 23:53

When elder DD started at Edinburgh a few years back, the uni or the students’ union laid on trips to IKEA on buses but they booked up even before Freshers’ Week. In fact, from memory, lot of things in Freshers’ Week had got booked up beforehand. Elder DD still had a good time and found things to do during Freshers’ Week but it may be something to have in mind for those going to Edinburgh and perhaps other unis.

Original poster

Claymoreiron · 19/08/2025 04:47

We are getting organised with the practical stuff. It’s the emotional side of things I’m struggling with.

OP posts:

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:07

Loubelou71 · 18/08/2025 07:33

I'm dreading this too. My house will seem so quiet. My son is really good company. Mine isn't going far but will be living in halls. I know it'll do him good but he's got lots to learn before he goes...he can't cook or change a bed so we've got some tough lessons ahead 😂
It's all the bits and bobs they're going to need....I could do with tips for this too

How have you managed to raise a child to adulthood who can’t cook or change a bed? You know that’s your actual job, right? Amazing.

Loubelou71 · 19/08/2025 08:24

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:07

How have you managed to raise a child to adulthood who can’t cook or change a bed? You know that’s your actual job, right? Amazing.

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Always someone nasty about. Well done 👍

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:30

Not nasty. Entirely factual. If you have raised the kind of kid who is capable of going away to university and at 18 they can’t change a damn a bed or cook a meal you have not done a good job as a mother. You haven’t raised an independant kid who is prepared for the next stage of their life.

Dery · 19/08/2025 08:39

@Delphigirl Telling someone they’ve not done a good job as a mother is clearly pretty mean and not in the spirit of this thread which is supposed to be supportive.

FWIW elder DD learnt a lot of the necessary life skills once she was away at uni. I do regret not teaching DCs better budgeting skills. There are books available for new students on that kind of topic. Didn’t know about them first time round but have just bought one for younger DD who’s off to uni this autumn.

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:44

Well you might be able to see someone laughing about sending their functionally hopeless child to uni and be supportive but I’m entitled to say “what the actual hell were you thinking”.

Metoo22222 · 19/08/2025 08:49

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:30

Not nasty. Entirely factual. If you have raised the kind of kid who is capable of going away to university and at 18 they can’t change a damn a bed or cook a meal you have not done a good job as a mother. You haven’t raised an independant kid who is prepared for the next stage of their life.

it is nasty - if a kid is bright enough for uni they are bright enough to be shown how to change a bed and cook a few meals fairly quickly. not rocket science. youtube is great for simple recipes - they can also teach themselves.

BadWoIf · 19/08/2025 08:53

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:30

Not nasty. Entirely factual. If you have raised the kind of kid who is capable of going away to university and at 18 they can’t change a damn a bed or cook a meal you have not done a good job as a mother. You haven’t raised an independant kid who is prepared for the next stage of their life.

Bit mean. Maybe the DC was concentrating on school work or instrument exams or playing a sport up to this point. HoweverLoube is teaching her DC these skills now, so it's not as if they'll be let loose on the world without knowing the difference between a tin opener and a potato peeler. After all, changing a bed isn't rocket science and doesn't take long to master.

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:57

Raising the sort of men that women have been having to put up with for years. The ones who think it is a woman’s job to cook and clean. Depressing.

Maggiethecat · 19/08/2025 09:17

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:30

Not nasty. Entirely factual. If you have raised the kind of kid who is capable of going away to university and at 18 they can’t change a damn a bed or cook a meal you have not done a good job as a mother. You haven’t raised an independant kid who is prepared for the next stage of their life.

I’d not go so far to say they’ve not done a good job as a mother but would consider it a failing.
It suggests this child has had no responsibility around the home which cannot have done anybody any good.

Maggiethecat · 19/08/2025 09:23

BadWoIf · 19/08/2025 08:53

Bit mean. Maybe the DC was concentrating on school work or instrument exams or playing a sport up to this point. HoweverLoube is teaching her DC these skills now, so it's not as if they'll be let loose on the world without knowing the difference between a tin opener and a potato peeler. After all, changing a bed isn't rocket science and doesn't take long to master.

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So busy that they can’t change a bed? Do they manage to
make it up each day or are they given a pass for that too?

pinkdelight · 19/08/2025 09:48

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:30

Not nasty. Entirely factual. If you have raised the kind of kid who is capable of going away to university and at 18 they can’t change a damn a bed or cook a meal you have not done a good job as a mother. You haven’t raised an independant kid who is prepared for the next stage of their life.

Give it a rest. There are other topics/threads you can go to and have fun telling mums how shit they are. This isn't one of them. If you've got to your age without having any sense of that, then you're in no position to be criticising anyone.

KeepPloddingOn4Ever · 19/08/2025 10:44

Delphigirl · 19/08/2025 08:57

Raising the sort of men that women have been having to put up with for years. The ones who think it is a woman’s job to cook and clean. Depressing.

Where on earth does the OP say that?! Once they've made a bed once they can do it again, and it not hard to teach yourself a few recipes. That's one of the things my child is looking forward to. Just because he's not been doing it at home doesn't mean he's never going to be able to!