Leaving home and moving to uni countdown

[Claymoreiron]

Is there a thread for this? In a matter of weeks many of us will be packing our DCs off to university. I am thrilled for my DS who has worked so hard and is so excited to start university life. However, I am also dreading it in equal measure and know that emotionally this transition will be tough for me.

How is everyone?

Expensive trip to homesense and tk maxx today. Some towels, tupperware, reed diffuser, industrial size bottles of shampoo and hair conditioner, a laptop backpack which she says she doesn’t love but it might “do”. Might go back, who knows.

I’m feeling a bit sick today too, strange how it hits you and crazy as DD was away last year on a foundation year at the same uni.

I think it’s because last year, her halls were fab, in a new block, lots of space and a large, very new kitchen. This year she can go into halls again and been allocated a room in a very old block, so likely much smaller everything. She has Coeliac disease and is wheat anaphylactic, so I’m worried about cross contamination in the shared kitchen, she has got her own fridge in her room for things like butter that others may be tempted to use, hopefully her other room mates are understanding, last year the rooms in her floor were pretty empty, so not many used the kitchen, she was also a bit isolated because of that.

I suppose there’s pros and cons in being on the main campus and not, at least she won’t have to get Ubers or the night bus home after events.

So the gp has told Dd she definitely needs to register with a new gp. They are giving her two months of prescription meds so she has some breathing space to get sorted.

I have done the most unfair thing in the world for a nearly starting university student. I have <gasp> booked a dental appointment.
This is ridiculous because he had one 5 months ago.

I am such a mean mother.

However, I think we are nearly at the point of got most things. I need to ask him about a couple of things. I've suggested he packs tomorrow night and then we can shop on Thursday night and pick up stuff he's forgotten.

Very much older halls generally have bigger rooms. Their kitchens are more variable but if sufficiently old it might have been revamped more recently. Probably a shared bathroom so take a dressing gown and flip flops.

She may want to keep more of her kitchen stuff in her room in case it gets borrowed.

I’m so happy to find this thread! My DS is leaving next week for uni two hours away. Weirdly, I think I’ve been in denial for a while because I kind of thought he wouldn’t go- he wasn’t sure until fairly recently. I’m so happy that he got the results to go to his first choice but I’m struggling.
He has type 1 diabetes and he’s struggled with it since his diagnosis aged 13. He’s had issues with food because of it and has an eating disorder as a result. He’s had horrible experiences where he’s ended up in resus with complications and I know I have PTSD because I thought I was losing him.
I identify with the other parents on here who have kids with health issues, it’s so worrying. He has a lot of support in place and safety plans etc. He’s also going with a good friend and has friends there already. But I’m still terrified.
He had a wobble today where he was upset about packing. He’s so exciting but it’s getting real now!! I am sooo positive to his face but really I want to suggest he just stay!! 🫣😂

This week is going to be hard. Urgh.

That is an amazing room. So maybe not any bigger. Most modern rooms are tiny though.

Paddling like hell
I reported this post as I suspect you didn’t mean to share the first photo. You might want to report it too,

Thank you I have! I can’t seem to delete it!

We don't own an air fryer and I've been looking at the offers on various websites. Very cheap Haden brand on Asda/George and £60 Cookworks (Argos own brand). Anyone got any advice?

Re extra expenses - DS halls have halogen hobs on which pans which don't have stainless steel bottoms won't work. So, the pans I kept from my late parents hse are out of the bag and off to the charity shop. Oh well, the plates, pasta bowls, mugs are fine so at least that was free.

You are confusing induction and halogen. It is induction hobs that need ferrous based pans.

Oh yes it was induction I meant to type. Apols.

I own a cheap cookworks airfryer myself in my caravan. Works fine, is very small basket though but yeah ok for one person. I'm not getting dd an airfryer, figured out she will have an oven and a baking tray is less washing up than an AF basket.

I got a cheap basic air fryer from Argos, she used it almost everyday last year. I think she felt happier as less risk and cross contamination of people using her pans.

This year she wanted a double drawer one, as she was cooking her chicken breasts and had to wait to do chips etc. the oven apparently was horrendous! My Mum is buying one for her moving in, it has a grill too, thst was from Costco.

We do use one a lot at home, pizzas, cookies, roast potatoes (microwave 3 mins first). She’s thrilled as apparently the one Grandmas bought will cook a whole chicken!! 🙄

She got a Nutri bullet for her birthday, makes smoothies almost daily and apparently you can do slush cocktails! 😂. She has a fridge in her room so will keep it in her room fill with fruit, whizz and go.

Sounds great 😀 some good ideas here. So, can one not put chips and meat in together in a single drawer?

Can I ask are people planning on having a conversation with their dc about budgeting?

dd is a bit older at 24yo but this is the first time she will have lived away from home and had to budget. In all honestly she is a bit of a spoilt princess and I hold my hands up to not saying no enough. But she also has a tendency to kick off if I do try and say no and scream and shout at me and I try to avoid conflict so back down. The few times I haven't backed down she runs to dh who says yes and then I get the silent treatment for ages.

Anyway we will be paying 1k a month for her accommodation. She will get her student loan and I am hoping she realises she needs to work out a weekly budget and stick to that. Because with the extra 1k a month we are shelling out we won't be in a position to bail her out unless we raid our savings.

Yesterday I had to pay £150 for a hairdresser appt for her (she texted me mid appt so I couldn't say no) - I don't pay anywhere near that for my own hair. And then asked for £33 for a puppy yoga class which I said no to! I pointed out I am having a very expensive month this month buying her stuff for the flat/will do a massive shop for her at the weekend. Nor would I pay £33 for a bloody yoga class for myself.

I worry if I don't talk to her about budgeting she will be ringing me mid Nov having run out of money. If I do mention it I know there will be fireworks and I will be shouted at. She's accused me and dh before of being really tight with money which isn't true. My friends can't believe how much we give her/buy for her financially.

Cheers - the one they are currently selling is 5L at £60. The little ones on Asda website are 2.5L and cheaper, but do look tiny.

Yes, think mine is a 2.5 ltr one so a 5ltr one would be better for sure.

DS has weekly budget plan and will meal plan. He likes omelettes, pasta and rice dishes and is good at buying economically. His main going out expenses are movie related. He's not big on clubbing, so beyond freshers week I think he will not be spending in that area. He has an online job that makes not a lot but suited him whilst he got treatment for health condition during gap year. He might get a cinema job but probs not straightaway

I hate to say it, but quite some time before they turn 24, and before they left for uni. Though the reality of it only hit as they went - they requested money for a specific activity and we pointed out that came out of the funds they had. It wasn’t an unreasonable spend, and could be met from their budget, but they just weren’t thinking about it like that.

i think starting uni and freshers week is hard it ‘front-loads’ quite a lot of costs. And parties of freshers week can set up expectations beyond what would reasonable every week.

Maybe when I drop her off I will tentatively say as I'm leaving that I hope she's worked out a weekly budget and then run for the door! 😄

Yes, I suspect dd will be thinking she can keep ringing up with requests for money for x and y.

When she asked about the £33 for the yoga class I said that she knows I'm going to give her £100 for the first week before her loan comes in and that if she wanted to spend £33 of that on a yoga class it was up to her. I suspect she probably won't do the yoga class!

I have to say that’s probably more than we would do, but we do tax and insure her car.

DD is 20 last year at Uni we paid for her accommodation (£8,500) and she kept her maintenance loan - minimum amount - so around £110 a week. It was easier as that goes into her account direct.

She has a trust fund we set up for ‘education’ years ago when she was born, so that pays for books, extra dance lessons etc. otherwise we would pay those.

As she has a car, we give her an extra £100 a month for fuel, hone is 4/5 hours away, so she tends to use that for running around locally and getting to matches for her sport.

Apart from that, she has to budget, but I think that’s enough, if she’s out partying then it comes out her own money. Family send her the odd £40 or so now and again.

However. She spent all summer working away and saved around £1,500 and works for a company occasionally at weekends near Uni and that can give her £100 or more.

edited to say DD uses Monzo for her budgeting as she can keep different costs separate, making it easier to see what’s going where.

We pay rent and she lives on min loan which is just under £100 a week year round. I think this is generous.
£12,000 a year rent is a huge outlay.
I’d be clear to her that that’s the deal and she needs to budget accordingly. Maybe find a list of likely expenses/article about student budgets and forward that with a we will pay rent you’ll need to budget your loan.
I wouldn’t get into habit of her ringing and you paying.