Talking down Oxbridge after getting rejected

[Dddsfea]

Does anyone know anyone else that does this? I know a parent who tries to talk down Oxford and Cambridge after her DC didn't get in.

Saying the students there aren't that better than anyone else and that they only worked hard in 6th form. And that they study less at university compared to those at other unis.

If it makes them/their DC feel better, who cares?

And that they study less at university compared to those at other unis

Hahahaha hahahaha

Tell that to DD at the moment. It's a pretty ludicrous workload.

They’re doing it for the sake of their child

and in many cases… they’re bang on correct anyway

Yes, that's how an awful lot of people cope with disappointment.

The studying bit sounds a bit odd.

However there will be lots of students at other unis who are as intelligent as those who got into Oxbridge.

When my DS didn't get in, I said it was Cambridge's loss but that I know he'd thrive elsewhere (as he did). I didn't attack the institution itself.

Well bully for you 😂

Do you really know people who do this?

I don't. My son didn't get into Oxford, he's now happy elsewhere but it would sound a bit daft to claim that where he is is better than Oxbridge, except for rankings in a couple of subjects that he doesn't actually study.

I can honestly say that I think that he is at a university that is a better fit for him but not that the university itself is better.

There are an awful lot of threads about Oxbridge rejection at the moment on here which is a bit odd given that the decisions come out in January.

Some of DS's professors for his subject at his uni did have a few criticism of Cambridge though. But yes I wouldn't say anything insulting about the students there.

Yes that's why I asked. Someone told me this.

I would just ignore anyone talking like that. Maybe they are doing it for the benefit of their child so they don't feel so bad, though there would be better ways of dealing with it than that.

It's true that they are many excellent studies of the same calibre who are not at Oxbridge. Oxbridge cannot take all the students who are at that level, there aren't enough places; sometimes very capable students don't shine in the same way during the interview process as others and sometimes very bright students choose another university and don't even apply.

However, the statement that they don't work as hard as students at other universities is complete and utter bollocks. Everyone knows the workload is notoriously high and the terms are shorter.

So you’ve started a thread on the basis of one conversation?

does it occur to you that this person was trying to make you and your ds feel better??

Mention Oxbridge and peoples’ eyes light up.
my DD didn’t get in either, but we focussed on her other opportunities, and I don’t know anyone who belittles it. That’s an insult to those who applied, whether successful or not.
To say that students there study less is just ridiculous, but I agree the students there aren’t ‘better’ than anyone else.

I think most people are clued up enough to know sour grapes when they hear.

"And that they study less at university compared to those at other unis."

Yes they all sit having tea parties and jam and scones, while having a boat ride down the river.

seriously, Oxbridge are an intellectual hub, other unis only wish they were oxbridge quality

Lots of parents are like this.

We got so much kickback when our DS got into grammar. Snarky comments, being blanked, no congratulations from people I would have classed as friends because their child didn't get in.

Jealousy among parents seems particularly salty.

Best to just laugh it off. Preferably to their face.

The horrible part of it is knowing that these people will actively want your child to fail.

Best to avoid these types, I feel.

I think posters are missing that the OP’s DS did not get in to Oxbridge and this person was saying this to the OP clearly just trying to reassure them / fill the awkward silence

I too remember something similar at the grammar school admission time. People saying that single sex grammars make students gay.

Oh OP 😂

My dd is applying to Oxford and I wish she wasn’t. There are other unis I’d much rather she went to . So I guess not everyone rates it as highly. Obviously I’m not conveying my feelings to her !

Although to be fair now she’s applying I do want her to get in if that’s what will make her happy.

It’s nice to get in but it’s not the be all and end all. I had better teaching at another uni I went to than for my Oxford undergrad. Honestly I would put (and feel) zero pressure for my kids to go to Oxbridge.

DS went to Durham although his school encouraged him to try for Oxbridge (he didn't apply in the end) and I was pleased as I think he would have really struggled with the workload there.
He tends to breeze by doing the minimum amount possible. Had a great time at Durham, somehow pulled out all the stops to get the necessary 2:1.

I don't understand why the parent would take the approach of talking down Oxford and Cambridge, although there is some truth in all the examples you give. Surely it's bad for the child as it doesn't help them deal with disappointment. Oxford syndrome Cambridge are prestigious institutions, and not by accident. There are lots of better things to say - 'Well done for applying', 'When you get to X you'll meet other people who applied and didn't get in', 'Of course you're going to feel disappointed'.

Wait. Why?