DS gets £150 per week but runs out of money

[Laundryandtoil]

DS is a fresher in Cardiff (we are England). He gets the minimum maintenance loan which we top up so that he can pay for his halls accommodation. We then send him £150 a week, every Monday. I thought this was ample but he rang yesterday saying all his friends were going out to lunch and he had run out of money so could I transfer an extra £20 so he could join them. I did but was a bit surprised as I thought £150 a week would be plenty?

He needs to learn to budget as other have said. Nice that he wants to help his friend but he needs to be firm. Do they live together? Dd is in a house share with three others. They have a list of household basics added to as things run out and either they take turns to provide or split the costs. They take turns to cook and use a slow cooker. 20.00 would cover a dinner at home with a bottle of wine.

This is very interesting (to me) as I thought £150 a week was about right. I saw somewhere (maybe on here) a breakdown another parent gave and went with that! It was:
£45 supermarket food
£10 toiletries and cleaning products
£15 supermarket alcohol for pres
£10 laundry
£10 buses / occasional Uber
£60 for nights out (so maybe 3 nights out a week at £20 or 2 at £30)

I thought the above sounded pretty realistic but maybe I have been too generous. I also pay for phone as it’s on family contract, car insurance and car running costs (but he has left his car at home anyway) and essential clothing.

@Laundryandtoil I would try and find out a bit more about the shopping habits. He is clearly seen as having money! We are fairly generous as parents but DDs shopped as a group with flatmates. So one bulk order and everyone chipped in their share. Took it in turns to cook. Took it in turns to buy milk. It takes a while to set up these systems and DD was catered in y1 so had a much better handle on who could afford what in y2.

The DC with no money from parents needs to tackle their parents or immediately get a job. I agree that stinks but your DS isn’t there to bail this student (or his parents!) out. It’s unreasonable. This student does need to speak to the uni very urgently.

I also never gave money weekly. I expected DDs to budget monthly. At the beginning there are extra costs and weekly is a bit like pocket money. He needs to be able to say no and budget by underspending when he’s overspent. Doing this monthly as he would at work, is a good lesson. You aren’t giving too
much but DS needs to understand he’s not Mr Bountiful. He cannot keep being so generous.

So you're paying for someone else's food, your son isn't. You're funding this.

How on earth is a student spending £10 a week on toiletries and cleaning products? Cleaning products are likely to be shared if they are in hall with a shared kitchen.

£15 for wine as gifts? I don't know any students who buy 2 bottles of wine a week for presents. It's not obligatory.

£60 for nights out? So that's for booze mainly?

£10 for buses- mine cycled or walked everywhere.

He's spoilt!

This would be spending £75 a week on booze and partying.

My kids paid their own car insurance out of money earned during their holidays. And their phones and clothes.

How will your son ever budget if you're giving him an easy time?

My son had to make do with £70 a week when a student in Cardiff. He graduated this year and is 3 stone heavier than when he started Uni so clearly he did not starve.

He's an adult with adult habits - but you're still seeing and treating him as a schoolboy needing pocket money.

Keep doing that, and he'll stay infantilised and never learn to stand on his own feet.

He'll then be a liability to his future partner.

Time to find your 'no' and tell him you'll help him learn to budget (which doesn't seem to have happened before he left home, so that needs putting right).

And suggest he look for a part time job.

He needs to grow up.

I think the £15 was for pre drinks. But £10 per week on toiletries and cleaning materials is bonkers. I'm 'maybe £20 per month and I have a house, a partner and a cleaner who uses a lot.

Does he need 3 nights out? If he does, then he has to earn it. £45 on food is OK, but could be lower if he weren't duplicating it for hisfriend.

I posted a link to the hardship fund upthread for the friend.

I never got any money off my parents I had to work for it.
Time to start parenting and give him a dose of reality or he will be moving back in with you as soon as he finishes uni.

Could you suggest to your son's friend that he looks in to whether there is a food bank nearby for an initial emergency.

Often foodbanks will also have links to 'community pantries' where you can often purchase £30 worth of food for about £5 which the friend could you longer term if his parents don't contribute and he hasn't found a job.

£75 a week (£15 on alcohol before he's even left the flat, and a further £60 when he's out) is a huge amount of money to be spending.

You have been extremely generous and it looks like the result is that he thinks your bank account is a bottomless pit.

My two each get £300 a month and seem to manage just fine.

We paid for our children's uni accommodation which was hundreds a month as their loan didn't touch it.
The used their loan for day to day living. They worked in the holidays to pay for things at uni and they worked in the 6th form so they had savings as well.

£15 for wine as gifts? I don't know any students who buy 2 bottles of wine a week for presents. It's not obligatory.

Pres = pre-drinks. What you drink at home before you go out clubbing.

Same! My parents gave me nothing!

My student loan covered accommodation and I had to get a weekend job to cover everything else.

Astonished at how much some parents baby their adult children at uni. No wonder they can't cope when they get jobs and have to live in the real world.

£15 supermarket alcohol for pres

Never heard of it but thanks.

So, basically OP is fuelling his alcohol consumption to the tune of £75 a week if that includes clubs etc (unless they pay to go in.)

He needs to enter the real world.

Not be supported by bank of mummy and daddy.

You have access to his Sainsbury's account, how accurate is this? Apart from helping out his mate, how much was spent on alcohol, toiletries etc?

So he's getting £150 per week and not even having to buy his own clothing? 😮

Tricky is t it. Depends what type of experience you want your son to have.

i did 4 years at Uni and ate out for 3 meals in those 4 years! Different times.

If he can’t live on what he’s got, he needs a job.

Online shopping in Sainsburys? Tell him to try Lidl/Aldi for a start - much cheaper.

(Have name changed)
£150 pw is insane! My dd is at Cardiff. We cover the cost of her rent (last year when she was in halls we covered the cost of rent and bills) and she uses her (minimal) maintenance loan to cover the rest. The loan allows for over £100 per week term time. (In the hols she is home and works part time at the pub). Last year she actually managed to save about £1000 which she’s put away for emergencies. Cardiff is not an expensive city; it’s certainly do-able on £150pw!

It’s so lovely that your ds is helping his friend, that’s really commendable, but in the nicest possible way, that really needs to stop.

I don’t intend to baby him - it is the first few weeks of uni FGS and I am simply trying to ease the transition! Will certainly be switching to monthly payments rather than weekly when he goes back after Xmas. And yes, £10 on toiletries and cleaning is a lot but that is shorthand and also includes prescriptions, OTC medicine, haircuts etc.

I shall mention foodbanks to my son so he can urge his flatmate to use them. Thanks

Going out for lunch?! Sorry, he’s taking the piss. Going out for lunch was not a thing when I was a student.

What prescriptions? Is it worth getting the pre-paid card if he has frequent ones?

Honestly, I think you’re about right with the £150. I had £400 per month 10-15 years ago and that covered food, nights out, heating bills, travel (my petrol, transport home etc). It was enough, I didn’t have much left over. For those thinking nights out are just alcohol, they’re not. They might include transport, entry to places, food.

I didn’t receive any money while I was on breaks from uni and living at home and was expected to work to cover anything extra like clothes, gifts for Christmas and holidays.

I did receive it monthly, not weekly, which was great because I learned to budget in the same way as if I had a job. And I knew not to ask my parents for more money than that so I always stuck with on a budget.

Im grateful my parents could do this for me so I could focus on my studies.