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Higher education

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DS gets £150 per week but runs out of money

258 replies

Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 14:40

DS is a fresher in Cardiff (we are England). He gets the minimum maintenance loan which we top up so that he can pay for his halls accommodation. We then send him £150 a week, every Monday. I thought this was ample but he rang yesterday saying all his friends were going out to lunch and he had run out of money so could I transfer an extra £20 so he could join them. I did but was a bit surprised as I thought £150 a week would be plenty?

OP posts:
murasaki · 28/10/2024 17:12

Has he got a pre pay annual prescription card. If he has a lot they can be well worth it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/10/2024 17:13

Will certainly be switching to monthly payments rather than weekly when he goes back after Xmas

It's a worthwhile idea in itself and a good learning experience, but what will you do if he blows through the lot - or if his flatmate does it for him - in the first week?

With all the part time jobs around in the run-up to Christmas I'd strongly suggest he works between now and then, if only to avoid the above

ClaireduLuney · 28/10/2024 17:13

Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 17:08

I don’t intend to baby him - it is the first few weeks of uni FGS and I am simply trying to ease the transition! Will certainly be switching to monthly payments rather than weekly when he goes back after Xmas. And yes, £10 on toiletries and cleaning is a lot but that is shorthand and also includes prescriptions, OTC medicine, haircuts etc.

I shall mention foodbanks to my son so he can urge his flatmate to use them. Thanks

It would be better to sit down and teach him to budget.

You've not said anything about him getting a job.

I think you're being far too generous. Take out the food (only £45) and he's spending more on his social life than most adults who are working and have a mortgage.

murasaki · 28/10/2024 17:14

I also wonder if he has a hefty deliveroo/just eat habit that you don't know about.

Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 17:16

IceCreamCookies · 28/10/2024 16:55

I never got any money off my parents I had to work for it.
Time to start parenting and give him a dose of reality or he will be moving back in with you as soon as he finishes uni.

Edited

I think you will find a hell of a lot of students have to move back in with parents when they graduate. My son plans to do law conversion so he certainly will be!

OP posts:
Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 17:18

murasaki · 28/10/2024 17:14

I also wonder if he has a hefty deliveroo/just eat habit that you don't know about.

This is possible to be fair. Will enquire….

OP posts:
SnoopysHoose · 28/10/2024 17:21

He also needs to realise his income doesn't stretch to Sainsbury's , time to head to Lidl/Aldi

Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 17:23

SnoopysHoose · 28/10/2024 17:21

He also needs to realise his income doesn't stretch to Sainsbury's , time to head to Lidl/Aldi

Sainsbury’s with a nectar card is pretty good value IMHO.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 28/10/2024 17:30

Personally, I suspect he learned a lesson ... don't manage your money, spend it then just ask for more!

lechatnoir · 28/10/2024 17:32

No op it really isn't. That's absolutely fine if you can afford it you asked if it was a lot and the answer/sufficient and the answer is a resounding yes especially in Cardiff which is definitely one of the cheaper u I city's. most student will not be spending £80/90pw on food in Sainsbury's or going out for lunches.

Mumof2girls2121 · 28/10/2024 17:35

What a kind son you have, I’d be really proud that he had been nice enough not to let someone starve. Sometimes privilege has ignorance, take a minute and be a proud parent that you raised someone nice.

Mirabai · 28/10/2024 17:36

Mumof2girls2121 · 28/10/2024 17:35

What a kind son you have, I’d be really proud that he had been nice enough not to let someone starve. Sometimes privilege has ignorance, take a minute and be a proud parent that you raised someone nice.

It’s not her son’s kindness is it, it’s OP’s - her money not his.

murasaki · 28/10/2024 17:37

Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 17:23

Sainsbury’s with a nectar card is pretty good value IMHO.

It is, but I'd want to see his shopping list if I were you and giving him the extra 20. And having words about cheaper food.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 28/10/2024 17:37

Laundryandtoil · 28/10/2024 17:23

Sainsbury’s with a nectar card is pretty good value IMHO.

We used to time it to get the reduced offers. And there were good reductions.

The breakdown you based it on seems reasonable.

DancingNotDrowning · 28/10/2024 17:39

These threads are always a bit polarising OP. In the same way that there are posters who spend £40-£400 per week on food some students will spend more or less on food, either paid for by parents or through a job.

I took the the view that I wouldn’t want to live on super noodles and white carbs so I don’t expect my DC to. Others choose differently.

IMO it takes them a little while to get the hang of budgets but they get there.

MellersSmellers · 28/10/2024 17:48

On the face of it £150 pw for all non-accommodation expenses sounds OK to me, but if he's looking to buy a round at the pub and eat out every week I can imagine it will soon go! I suggest you have a chat with him to better understand whether there were any one-off expenses or if you can expect to get more/frequent requests for top-ups! if no extras, he has two choices - budget and live within his means or get a P/T job.

Startinganew32 · 28/10/2024 17:50

That’s loads. Back in the day I had £50 a week and managed to do it, although obviously things are a bit pricier now. I accepted that there would be no going for lunch though - it was pretty tight.

familyissues12345 · 28/10/2024 18:05

£150 is loads! What does that cover?

AelinAG · 28/10/2024 18:21

He needs to be going to Aldi/Poundland rather than sainsburies!! £150 is definitely on the very generous side, based on all the students I work with.

If his flatmate is struggling he needs to speak to the Money Advice team, get an over draft, apply for hardship fund, bursaries, scholarships etc, but your son should not be subbing him.

DinosaurOfFire · 28/10/2024 18:21

Just in case you weren't aware, if he is registered with a GP at his uni address, his prescriptions will be free, Wales has universal fee prescriptions. It could be worth him registering there if he has regular prescription items, rather than getting them issued at his home GP.

murasaki · 28/10/2024 18:23

DinosaurOfFire · 28/10/2024 18:21

Just in case you weren't aware, if he is registered with a GP at his uni address, his prescriptions will be free, Wales has universal fee prescriptions. It could be worth him registering there if he has regular prescription items, rather than getting them issued at his home GP.

Oh that's very useful to know.

wibdib · 28/10/2024 18:24

Also get your son and his friend to check out apps like Too Good to Go, Olio, Karma and similar services that are a way to buy late date/ready to eat food from shops, restaurants and hotels cheaply. Think of it a bit like formalised/app-based yellow sticker shopping!

My ds is in his second year at uni and finds them useful - sometimes they have things he doesn't like but he can give it to flatmates or friends on his course, and sometimes trade it for things he does like from them if they like it. Some of them you can book ahead of time so you can plan a bit better (eg a local one here is a hotel that you can pick up hot breakfast items that have obviously been left on their breakfast buffet - means the hotel can put more things out so it looks good to the guests, they get a little money and don't have to throw as much away.

I also encourage him to go to the supermarket and markets to get food in person - going around with a basket in hand, knowing he has to carry it home, make sure that he has some stuff in for breakfast and packed lunches, and managing food around training and matches home and away - are all an important part of developing lifeskills. And I say that as someone who has trained her ds to be a great supermarket shopper already - but he is used to me doing the cooking more. I know I can give him a list to get things for me that I want to use - and he will be great at getting it and at spotting that xxx is on nectar prices and he knows we are getting low on it or he would like it for his packed lunch tomorrow and that his favourite pizzas are on offer in Sainsbury's this week but Morrisons next week, so he is already a good way there. He just needs to practice the planning and cooking side of things now, I help and support with ideas and recipes when I'm asked and pointing to things like the Batch Lady's cooking for student series, but at the same time, now is the time he will learn most from having to do as much as possible himself. He's not big on partying or clubbing - he doesn't drink (seems to be a lot more common than when I was at uni!) plus he's quite shy, so only tends to go out for occasional meals and socials with his teammates, often before or after a big match or tournament. And as I would love him to get more confident and sociable, I'm only too happy for him to spend some of his money on going out - as for him that's a really important skill he needs to learn too.

Talk to him, keep on top of him keeping records of what he's spending each week and month - and practising budgeting. Make sure he is keeping track of what he is spending on the friend - if he is genuinely going to pay your son back, it's much easier to have a list of it on the go and update after each purchase - and to make sure the friend knows what it is too - so that he can't turn around and say I can't afford to pay you back any of it or say that it's too much or he never agreed but thought your son was being friendly or generous... Might be difficult or awkward but again - another life lesson for both of them! And it will be good for them to compare what they are both spending - is he wanting the same to eat as your son or is he happily eating cheaper stuff, drinking water rather than coke or beer etc? Also worth getting them to look at the Batch Lady on instagram/facbook/etc and how she manages to meal prep - starting small but working it out and planning what they like, what they want will help them both, especially if they are able to freeze some stuff as they go, doubly so if they are able to pick up cheap grub that is close to its use by date but fine to be frozen to extend its life.

Msmoonpie · 28/10/2024 18:25

I would do it as a one off but after that tell him tough shit.

He needs to learn to budget.

IKEAJesus · 28/10/2024 18:26

Mirabai · 28/10/2024 17:36

It’s not her son’s kindness is it, it’s OP’s - her money not his.

Once she’s given it to him it’s his.

There are lots of worse things he could have chosen to spend his money on than food for a friend.

flotsomandjetsome · 28/10/2024 18:37

As others have said - he's getting much more than most.

DC is in an expensive city and after rent is paid by maintenance loan (higher level) we give £85 pw.

We pay phone contract and gym membership was their birthday gift, but that weekly amount is plenty. It covers everything and if they overspend they use savings from holiday job. It's a very high contact hours stem course so a term time job isn't really doable on top of sports commitments.