DS gets £150 per week but runs out of money

[Laundryandtoil]

DS is a fresher in Cardiff (we are England). He gets the minimum maintenance loan which we top up so that he can pay for his halls accommodation. We then send him £150 a week, every Monday. I thought this was ample but he rang yesterday saying all his friends were going out to lunch and he had run out of money so could I transfer an extra £20 so he could join them. I did but was a bit surprised as I thought £150 a week would be plenty?

Tbh I don’t think it’s normal to pay for £75 of alcohol for 2/3 nights out for another adult, even it if it is your own child. Most working adults don’t have £300 a month spare for booze. Also £55 is a lot for a single persons groceries and soap. It’s basically loads of money for someone whose rent, bills, phone and clothes are already covered. You obviously have lots of money though but unless you are planning on doing it forever then it really is your job to teach him to budget. Did he not get pocket money as a kid or wages when he was in 6th form? If he’s just been sent off with a stuffed wallet without ever needing to know how many beans make 5 then he is on a steeper learning curve than most.
It’s normal to work if you want to buy things. When you strip away the hyperbolic nonsense about how students don’t have a single spare minute to work (but do have time for 3 nights out a week plus a lunch - and, honestly “some courses are close to full time!” So what? Plenty of people work more than full time hours to afford more stuff), or nobody will get a graduate job unless they had an 8 hour contract at the sock shop in second year, then the actual reason for working is so your mum isn’t buying your beer when your are 20.

He doesn’t need to work. He’s got enough money. He just needs to stop subbing the other student. Of course students have nights out as freshers. It’s normal and so is a lunch out - except on frugal MN. The rest of rhe world is different.

@Gloriia You have repeatedly missed the point that he’s paid money to another student to help them out. It’s that student that needs the job! The OP’s DS has plenty for his needs. It’s more a case of being less generous to someone whose parents aren’t paying the top up,

lets not forget, learning how to politely deal with people that think you're beneath them because you're currently at work and they're currently on a day off or their break.

the thing is, when you leave home, you AREN'T living the lifestyle you were used to. you're learning to live as a separate entity to your parents. if they can help you bridge that it's great.
BUT your parents have gradually worked their way up the career and property ladder to where they are now. it's not reasonable to expect life to NOT be a step back from that level when you move out.

you can't expect the lifestyle of an established couple on the income of a single, inexperienced, unadvanced home leaver.

£150 is a massive amount! He needs to learn to budget. He’s probably drinking it away … This will stop soon when end of term assessments bite.

he has basically been adding all of another flatmates groceries to his shop - and paying for it. He says the flatmate is not getting any money at all from his parents and will pay him back when he gets a job (which he is looking for apparently)

@Laundryandtoil I don’t want to overreact, but this rings flight alarm bells for me. Over many years of teaching undergrads and being a personal tutor, I’ve seen a few situations with flatmates under stress taking advantage of other students (including one very ill student manipulating a flatmate into failing a course - it was horrendous).

First years can be quite naive and they are buoyed up by being independent and seeking to make friends and support flatmates. They sometimes don’t have good boundaries- your son is falling into this trap. Yes, he’s trying to be a good person and a friend to his flatmate, but it is not his problem.

If his flatmate really has no money (some parents are appalling) your DS could help him by getting him to go to the Students Union or Guild for a hardship grant to tide him over.

Or the whole flat could cook one meal a day together to which they all contribute and then the flatmate with no money gets one meal at least! Or your DS could offer some of the meals he’s cooking l. But not adding a whole shop!

But I am sceptical that this flatmate has no money. Your DS taking responsibility for feeding his flatmate may slow said flatmate’s sense of urgency in getting a job.

Sorry to sound so cynical but I’ve had 30 years of dealing with some quite useless immature boys who will use anyone so they don’t have to make an effort.

I think most students spend their money on having a life as a student! It’s obviously not the same as home but could be a lot more exciting. Certainly different. Few have a luxury lifestyle but enjoying nights out and having a coffee with new friends is reasonable. Lots of students drink too much to begin with. Most calm down. I guess this DS isn’t buying wagyu beef for his flatmate!