DS gets £150 per week but runs out of money

[Laundryandtoil]

DS is a fresher in Cardiff (we are England). He gets the minimum maintenance loan which we top up so that he can pay for his halls accommodation. We then send him £150 a week, every Monday. I thought this was ample but he rang yesterday saying all his friends were going out to lunch and he had run out of money so could I transfer an extra £20 so he could join them. I did but was a bit surprised as I thought £150 a week would be plenty?

Ds is at an expensive Uni City. (Accommodation is already paid). He gets £50 a week from us and draws down £50 a week from his saving from working. He finds that is plenty to live on.

I think that the lesson here is that he simply cannot afford to fund his friend, however well intentioned he is. He won't get this money back so I think he ought to direct friend towards applying to the hardship funds, which many unis do have for those who they deem to be in the most need. The friend could probably get direction and help by approaching their own personal tutor and being honest about their situation. It isn't something your DS either could or should take on.

£150 per week is generally a good enough amount and very doable for a student if approached carefully. My DD got a slightly below maximum loan which we topped up with £200 per month, plus I paid for her phone and the occasional ad hoc expense if really needed. It was tight, but she just about managed. We were all just doing everything we could, though I will admit that it was far from financially comfortable for any of us.

Under the circumstances of your DS, I'd give him the money this time but would make very clear that it is a one-off and his budgeting skills must improve significantly and he must stop subbing his friend.

As a young lad on his own I would guess that if he is self-catering he could largely shop for around £35 - £40 per week? Certainly for under £50 most weeks. The rest is for other spends, including going out. It can be done if he is mostly careful.

That’s a generous weekly allowance! Surely he needs to learn that if he can’t afford to go out for lunch then he doesn’t go out for lunch! Otherwise he’ll never learn to budget properly.

Likewise with bailing out a friend. It’s lovely that he wants to do that but he needs to make sure he can cover his own essentials first, rather than expecting you to pick up the tab.

If that £150pw is just food & socialising, that is considerably more than most of DC's friends get including one in London. Unless you are happy bankrolling him I'd say he needs to rein in his food shopping (£90pw is family shop territory - and what is a student doing shopping in Sainsburys!) stop eating out in expensive restaurants and learn to budget. Or get a job and pay for these things himself as I honestly don't think you're doing him any favours by bailing him out all the time.

Whilst I appreciate neither you nor DS want his friend to go hungry, it really isn't his or your responsibility and honestly, is he going to go hungry or can he just not afford the beers & nice extras your son can. It could be your son is flashing the cash a bit too liberally & being very generous with your money or if he is genuinely struggling to pay for food he needs to get a job & go and see student welfare.

150 a week is bonkers, he can easily make a few cheap meals to keep his mate going but should rein in his shopping big time and should not be responsible for getting his mate a week's food.

This is time to learn how to budget and realise that money is finite.

As others have said why isn't he working? Students only seem to be in uni a couple of hours a day for 2 or 3 days there is plenty of time for work.

One of hours earns 550 quid a month doing 12hrs a week in a supermarket. Tell him to get looking, it's crazy that you're giving him spending money.

The expectation is that where students are only eligible for the minimum maintenance loan based on parental income, the parents are expected to make it up to the maximum amount.

Whilst it is a generous amount and more than my kids get, I do find I have to top up. It's especially difficult if you are in a sports team and meetings are held at the uni bar, DD in particular doesn't want to buy a meal, but then the others offer to pay and it's awkward.
Plus it's always a shock how many ways unis find to stiff them for money. Washers that don't spin properly, so the dryers need extra money to dry. No washing allowed to dry in room. Printing charged per page, buses (DC has a disability so needs them more). Sports kits and other sports items being compulsory (soo much expense there), books, food being stolen, travel back home, field trips, society fees, halls not allowing food deliveries, but nearest shops are expensive. Being fined for various things, being charged for things like batteries for their hall doors. It's just bloody endless.

On £150 per week if his mate is struggling he should easily be able to help his mate out as well but it will have to be cheap but nutritious basic meals such as pasta bolognese, sausages, chilli, and things than can be bulked out with lentils and frozen veg.

His mate is unlikley to be eligible for any hardship funds as that is usually for those from low income families, care leavers or those who are completely estranged from their families.

£150 is bloody ridiculous!
Ds gets half that and has a great social life and eats well etc

£20 for lunch? Jesus, they're students, not earning their own wage. What's wrong with a sandwich made at home or a meal deal if they don't have time?!

Do you think many working people have approx £650 a month to spend on themselves after all bills?

Maybe think of the £20 as a treat for freshers but I would make clear to him that the £150 is already very generous and you won't be sending more, if he wants extra money he can get a job.

I think you should teach DS about voucher codes, cashback sites, Sainsbury’s Nectar card, Wowcher etc. and selling sites like Ebay and FBMP. Then he can show what you can get to his friends.

Dd introduced her friends to Wowcher, Quidco etc and they have had many a day out/meal out on vouchers and much reduced costs.

As well as getting a job and earning money he also needs to be making sure he is getting what he buys for the least amount possible when he spends money.

It’s a good habit to get into. Especially on things like cashback sites where it might only be 40p or £1 cashback but after a time it all adds up (Dd has had back not an insignificant amount over the last 5 years)

Glad he is helping out a friend and I am sure that friend will pay him back as soon as he finds a job

Agree, very fortunate.
How much of the £600 a month! Is going on evenings out, takeaways, alcohol.
OP, he needs to learn to budget, you already pay for his accommodation.If you keep topping his allowance up, it might just become a regular thing.

This is where online shopping doesn't help. He needs to become an in person yellow sticker ninja.

That's a whole lot more than ds1 gets at Nottingham.

He can't afford to feed his friend and this needs to stop.

And you're being more than generous with £150 a week! We give our son £100 a week (rent/bills are covered by maintenance loan) and he has a part time job which essentially doubles his weekly money.

He's being ridiculous.

That's over £20 a day. He can easily buy food and have some entertainment on that or get a job now or holiday jobs at the end of term to pay for his social life.

Oh come on. Adding all his flatmates groceries? What a donkey!

Have you actually pointed out to him that £150 per week is somewhere north of £600 per month? So over £7,200 per year if you are giving it every month and not taking a break from it in the uni holidays.

Put in those terms, perhaps he will begin to understand how much he is getting and how fortunate he actually is. It might help to make him think about why he needs to budget better because your resources are finite and not a bottomless pit. There is no magic money tree out in the garden.

I wonder if he is shopping according to what you had in your fridge and cupboards at home and hence what he thinks is a normal shop. He can't do that, he needs a student shop. Totally different. I'd really like to know what he's buying.

You are very generous OP. I paid for two £50 Ocado shops each month for my DD. I included some nice healthy food as well as some treats in her shop. She was at uni only a few years ago. She had 3 jobs to pay for her social life and any other food. She still got a first so working didn't stop her doing well.

Is there any reason you’re giving him the money weekly? It may be easier for him to budget if he gets it monthly - can then do a huge food shop at the start of the month to make sure he won’t run out of the essentials.

Plus most jobs these days pay monthly so he’ll need to learn at some point.

This aspect of parental income determining loan amounts is so unfair on the child if the parents do not in fact contribute financially even though the child is receiving less than they would have done otherwise. I say child but at 18+ they are adults really. There should be a way of accessing maximum loans if the parents do not contribute without having to prove estrangement (though I accept this is unlikely to be offered as it’s open to abuse).

OP’s son has done a kind thing, though obviously not sustainable.

Echoing many pp here...£150 is mine and DH's weekly budget for food/petrol/fun stuff, and we manage! You need to speak to him properly about budgeting and maybe reduce your contribution from next term (by which time he should have a job!). Budgeting is such an important lesson to learn.

Agree.