My son failed his university degree

[SHMumindespair]

I feel at a loss. Could I have done more? I was supposed and looking forward to a university graduation when my son sends a message that he will.jot tet a degree. He filed too many times. 4vyears. £70000 debt and no degree. Future ruined. I am.just at a loss and just crying, feeling a mix of anger, disappointment, responsibility.... I could go on but feel like a failure myself as a mother.

Nobody died…..it should be a wake up call to him …..he will find another road to travel ….if he doesn’t end up a high earner he may never have to pay the 70k off…..support him by all means…..but he needs to find his own way

It's 70 k

I may be in the same place in 4 weeks, I know DS has tried his best but health and disability have got on the way. I trust things happen for a reason, it may be because at this time he may be better at home healing than away starting something alone when he is unwell.

There was something that changed me last year, I was complaining about the same things you are complaining about when my friend’s son, same age as my son, was killed. It certainly made me understand that, as long as DS is here, life will be full of opportunities, this educational hurdle may be just the thing that takes him to something better in the future, life is not over yet.

Fees £9250 pa
Student living allowance -up to £9978, up to about £13k in London

So yes, could easily be £70,000 if not more.

OP, I’m an academic. He needs to get in touch with his personal tutor/level leader to determine his options, and he needs to do that asap. He should at least be entitled to a Diploma of HE, or he may be entitled to retake next year…regardless, he needs to tackle it now rather than waiting 6 months. Do you have access to his results letter? That will explain any next steps?

Nothing is ruined. I have a relation who decided not to take his final exams and has no degree and his annual salary is more than twice what I have ever earned annually in my life. Well into six figures. Failing your degree is not failing your life.

He has failed, not you.

It is really, really important for people to learn that they can and will fail, rather than always be bailed out. The question now is what is he going to do about it. Support him, but make it clear that he is the one who needs to make a plan and do the work.

\Student debt isn't paid back the same way as normal debt. It will be deducted from his salary when he earns over a certain amount - rather like a tax.

Are you in the US, OP? I’m guessing that you might be given he has so much debt.

If so, the advice that he may never need to pay it off is incorrect, as he will need to start repaying it soon. Make sure that he doesn’t ignore it and gets on the lowest payment plan that he can.

You can’t force young adults to study, OP. If he was having problems, he should’ve asked for help sooner.

I would put the 70K out of your mind for now. Nobody's looking for that money.

Unless they’re in the US, @MyNameIsFine , it’s a completely different system.

I hope they’re in the UK. 🤞

This is a UK site. Don't they go to 'school' in the US not university?

@MyNameIsFine I was just wondering because the debt is so large, it’s more typical of student debt in the US. Plus American undergraduate degrees are always four years rather than three (I know some British ones are also four years though).

Anyway, I was just trying to be helpful!

70k sounds about right or the 4 years OPS sone has done…..9k + for tuition and then the loan for living expenses …..would come to around 70k im guessing?

Has OP come back to the thread?
Posters have offered advice, suggestions, resources, reframing the situation.
It is unlikely that this has come out of the blue- at least to the student.
For now, OP needs to be supportive and offer reassurance and potentially a safe space or retreat. Let him lick his wounds and then make a plan. If he hasn't already spoken to his personal tutor or the student advice service then he needs to do that ASAP. And it's not about OP...

Odd how the OP has never come back because so many people have offered real help, but her post needs more detail.

It's also odd that the thing she was most looking forward to was the graduation ceremony 🤔

There seem to be an increasing amount of fake posts on here now.

I have reported it to MN and apologies to @SHMumindespair if she's just busy but has taken on board the advice.

What?

Why ask for this to be deleted? Even if it’s a troll, so what? Look at all the useful information in here.

The OP's reaction is very much typical of a loving parent's reaction when a dc fails at something. The parent is feeling so horrible and trying to find an answer to explain the outcome. Not because she is being selfish and "making it about you."

He didn't get excluded lol. He failed the course

Quite agree! I'm probably of a different generation but I do get fed up with the degree of 'cancelling' that goes on nowadays (not sure I'm even using the right term ;)), but this would be a very useful thread for others in the same boat.

I note that OP has not come back (yet) but it might be they're busy trying to support and help their DS. Wishing them the best of luck in what must be a very stressful time.

this is physics isn’t it op?

i recall your other thread

Someone has moved this from Academic Common Room to here. Either the OP has asked or MNHQ have done so.

I didn't ask for it to be deleted.

Oh that’s good. When you said you’d reported it to mumsnet I assumed the implication was to delete it. I sometimes do a search on a specific topic and find myself reading old threads.