My son wants to go to open days alone/with friends

[Mathsmother]

My son in year 12 wants to go to uni open days alone and not with me or my husband. He may go with friends to a couple where they also interested in applying.

We are totally fine about it and rather admire his initiative but when I posted such on Facebook I was told that most students take parents along with them to open days and I really should go. I just wondered why? Surely it is the student’s choice not the parent’s and it is much cheaper for one train ticket (on a young person’s railcard) than two or three tix? The only downside I can see of my son travelling alone at age 17 is that he won’t be able to book a hotel room for the one far-flung uni he had on his list (Edinburgh). Thoughts and experiences welcome xx

My parents never came with me but most people do have their parents there.

With my DD I will tell her that I’m happy to go with her and give my support/opinion but if she wants to go alone/with a friend instead then that’s also fine.

Tell your son that you’re happy to go with him (it doesn’t matter about the cost if that’s what he’s worried about) but if he wants to go without you then it’s fine.

Tell him that you can always go another time with him once he’s made his mind up or if he’s not sure and wants a second opinion.

I think it’s important that kids feel supported and know you’re there for them, whilst also letting them be independent and make their own choices.

I felt quite sad that I didn’t have the support of my parents but there are also many young people who don’t have a say in their own lives because their parents are controlling and take over.
I’d much rather be in control of what uni I went to and what course I want to do.

I have never heard of parents going with their kids. Is this a thing now? I'm 36. When we were choosing universities we went alone or if a few of us were applying for the same universities we went together and made a day of it.

The thought of going with parents wouldn't have occurred to anyone. We'd have died of embarrassment.

Lots of young people attend by themselves or with friends. Sometimes parents are asking all the questions and the young person is standing off to the side. I have seen the odd eye roll. So it’s good really if they come themselves and can ask their own questions.

I think many posters are judging parents - your young person is getting into £50k ish of debt and it will cost the average family around £500/ month to top up! It's a huge financial decision and one that many 17 year olds are just not experienced for!
To be able to cut though the gloss and marketing to get to the reality of the course - teaching hours etc is so so important as well as your young person liking the place and enjoying the content

We did a mix with ours. DS1 attended most either with a sibling or a friend. We only went to one with him. DD1 we went to two and she visited the other two on her own but stayed with friends. DS2 we are taking to a couple.

I think it's perfectly fine to visit on their own or with friends and like others said, if they miss something they can search the website or message the uni later.

I def went to most by myself!

it’s a bit different nowadays as the cost of uni is just so much more. When it’s time for my ds I think I will encourage him to go to some alone but I will accompany him on some. At the end of the day I think they need space to make their own decision.

As others have said, going on his own to open days if he wants to and you're ok with it is fine.

When you get to offer days though, it's a completely different thing- lots of specific things organised for parents while the kids go off and do other organised things.

My daughter didn't attend any open days but at the offer days, I don't recall seeing any students without parents.

When I went in 1984, everyone was accompanied by parents. No embarrassment involved.

Subsequently it seems to have changed (as is the way of most things) to everybody making their own choice and telling everyone else that a different choice is wrong.

I think it is important that parents go if they can, as they might ask different questions or spot things the year 12 hasn’t.

Could you stay in a hotel and meet up later in the afternoon? You could go round the university separately and meet up later.

Have never attended an open day, was never my place to choose a uni for any of my DC.

Good for him!

I only went to one Open Day with mine: Cambridge, because I had no clue about the system wrt Colleges and the admissions process. Otherwise they went all over the country by public transport and once stayed in a youth hostel where U18s could book in.

I work at a university and for us the majority of students do come with parents but there are still a lot of students who come with a friend.

I took my DD to some that were further away and needed a car journey but ones that she could easily get to by public transport she went with friends.from college.

At this stage in year 12 they're just getting a feel for things, and the more he sees, the more he'll get a feeling for the kind of uni he wants. There could be some universities that as soon as these steps onto the campus he knows are not the place for him.

Universities will have autumn open days and campus tours as well as offer holder days in Year 13 so there's plenty of time to make a return visit.

I didn't go with mine 2 years ago and my parents never accompanied me in 1977.

I think it's more useful for parents to go to post offer days.

Congratulations to you for bringing up such an independent and capable young man ! He’s the one going to university - it should totally be his choice.

I remember my parents saying how in their day, it was unthinkable for their parents to go with them. Times have changed.

When I was at university in the late 90s, I was a rep showing people round. I didn’t see any students come alone, and it was their parents who asked all the questions.

It's really fine either way. Some kids want their parents with them - it's a big choice and maybe they'd like someone with more life experience there, who'll remember to ask the questions they won't, or have the confidence to ask the difficult questions. It's harder to be there on your own than it was 30 years ago, because the vast majority of young people will have an adult with them.

But if your child is confident and independent, that's great. Just remind them that they're not choosing the shiniest first year accommodation or the coolest bar.

I’m taking DS to open days that mean an overnight stay but others he’ll do alone. However, I do think the points being made about the size of the financial commitment these days are very valid.

Fine to go solo or with friends. If he’s going to lots I’d recommend a second pair of eyes though as they all start to merge into one. Certainly our DC found it useful to bounce memories and opinions/comparisons off others.

DS went with his GF and DD went with us. Neither is right or wrong and they should just do what they are comfortable with.

My DS is going by himself too. He’ll be coming from abroad so will also be flying over by himself. He went to the open evenings for sixth form colleges by himself, and school entrance exams, interviews etc. I’ll arrange for him to stay over with family friends where possible though.

But I don’t have time to take days away from work for all this stuff for multiple children over several years and anyway it’s part of them learning to navigate the world. When I started university there was a big difference between the people who had some life experience and the ones who’d never taken a bus by themselves or left their hometown without their parents.

Far too many people seem to baby their kids this age. I'm not sure if it's because of those covid years. My 16 yr old has friends who have never been on public transport as their parents insist on always dropping them off and collecting them. I have no idea how these kids are ever going to become independent.

Your son sounds great to me and I'd be all for it.

Perfectly fine to go with friends!

Having spent yesterday working an open day as a lecturer, kids attending with parents very rarely speak much to staff, whereas those alone tended to get into a conversation with us. It will depend on the student, but if you have a confident child keen to go alone, I would encourage it. If you want to travel with them you could always get to know the city while they attend the open day.

Good for him - this is how it should be! He needs to start behaving as an adult, and the choice of university is his alone.
It astonishes me how many parents go with their kids these days, as we would have been mortified by parental attendance. Clearly, some parents are over-protective and don't know how to let go.