My son wants to go to open days alone/with friends

[Mathsmother]

My son in year 12 wants to go to uni open days alone and not with me or my husband. He may go with friends to a couple where they also interested in applying.

We are totally fine about it and rather admire his initiative but when I posted such on Facebook I was told that most students take parents along with them to open days and I really should go. I just wondered why? Surely it is the student’s choice not the parent’s and it is much cheaper for one train ticket (on a young person’s railcard) than two or three tix? The only downside I can see of my son travelling alone at age 17 is that he won’t be able to book a hotel room for the one far-flung uni he had on his list (Edinburgh). Thoughts and experiences welcome xx

Yes, all this has been researched ahead of the Open Day, so I will have a sense if someone is pulling the wool over my eyes. As snap decisions go, no one has ever said that it is not of benefit for a prospective student to attend an Open Day. If there is benefit to the student, then there will be benefit to a parent as well.

First impressions unfortunately count. And culture seeps through in a way that cannot be gauged unless physically present. Figures and league tables can be manipulated. Not a perfect decision-making process but the more data points, the better to judge. I am sure unis also want to be transparent.

Thanks for the tips.

Ok so it’s a long time ago, but I went to all of mine alone. I learnt far more about the places, got better conversations with current students and had the ability to go check out cafes, the unions and so on. The students with parents with them barely spoke (though it was engineering to be fair) and ended up asking me what I’d found out. I drove to some, took the train to others. Honestly I’d be all for it- your son is the one who has to live there.

Maybe agree some rules about what you’d be prepared to fund and maybe you could work with him to agree some criteria to make his decisions (so it includes quality of teaching and not just prices in the bar)???

I went with my mum to a couple but mainly with friends. And also stayed in a hotel with them at 17 - I remember the hotel gave us a special rate because we were looking at the uni.

I went with DD3 to one general open day and two offer-holder days, and I don’t think she spoke a single word to any student/tutor/fellow applicant at any of them. I am fairly sure she would have been exactly the same if she’d gone on her own or with a friend, though.

I went because the school recommended it, but mainly because I was interested - aren’t most parents? - in the place my DD might be studying. I don’t think this make me into a helicopter parent.

Oops! I reread the post more carefully! He is year 12. I absolutely take back my above comment. 😳

In the 1990s my mum travelled with me to St Andrew's but had a lovely day wandering around and met me later (we live in Essex and travelled by sleeper to Edinburgh). Other than that I did them all without my family.

Subject talks and demo lectures have their place at Open Days but my DC, as solo attendees, felt that the informal chats with current students and dept academics, often in the dept reception area or similar, were the best bits from their perspective - so these also need to be organised to encourage prospective students feel they have space to ask questions in their own way and time. Of the two Open Days I did attend, I could see that the layouts, and how the current students would draw in the prospective students, all aided that; so I think many unis are trying to choreograph events sensibly.

Things may not have worked as smoothly at the U of Bath Open Day for one of my DC (as flagged in an earlier post) because each department had a stand in a single large hall, a bit like a trade fair. My DC felt departments had less space to 'disperse' conversation groups and particularly assertive parents were prone to busting into existing one-to-one conversations.

Finally, to pick up on the point made by some posters about many journeys not really being feasible by public transport, I can well see this the case in some areas, particularly deeply rural and/or with the need to use a slow, infrequent service before joining the main network.

However, my DC attended several Open Days at unis, like U of Bath, popular with SE students, though they travelled from a region much further way and also contended with cross-London changes (as many Home Counties students would have to factor in). Very early starts were required and some morning sessions had to be substituted with afternoon ones or catch-up chats arranged with academic staff. It was a hassle for them but also very good for building up general experience. So, where there is a will, there is a way.

The solo attendee approach is not for everyone but, having discussed this thread with my DC, the bottom line is they said they got more out of the Open Days without me there but still felt I had been helpful in other ways. So there can be different routes to the same destination which, in this case, is about equipping DC with the skills to make informed decisions.

Personally, I think it's better for them to go alone/ with friends. When my daughter visited Edinburgh, I booked and paid for a hotel room, as she couldn't do it herself. Btw - she ended up going to Edinburgh which she loved. A great University in a small City, so everyone was always close together.

My Yr12 son has been to 2 open days so far, I went to the first one with him and both myself and his dad went to the second one. There were very few unaccompanied teenagers there, I’d say about 90% that I saw were with parents.
If he wanted to go with friends I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but so far that question hasn’t been asked.

Quick question - you say London and Bristol are expensive. London, that goes without saying, but what makes Bristol expensive, and how do you find out the living costs in different areas please? Thanks!

You sound spot on! Mine all went on their own. I worked in a Uni, I felt so sad on open day for the people whose parents came with them. Often the parents took over the conversation and the person coming on the course asked no questions and looked embarrassed. I feel it is sad that people treat their offspring like small children when in reality they are at an age where they can and should be encouraged (imo) to make choices.

Bristol has a real issue with student accommodation. It did 20 years ago and now it's even worse. Students are having to go way out of the city to get shared rooms. You can usually look for student accommodation prices online. In Manchester (where I went) there were particular student property websites, so you could check prices. The abundance of cheap accommodation in Manchester in the 90s certainly helped my decision making process (as I had no parental help). It's also a fab city and I'm so glad I ended up there.

When you're looking at student accommodation don't just think about the first year when they'll be in halls. I know for my DD trying to find a flat to share with her friends after coming out of halls in Y2 was difficult and very expensive.

Checking this with the accommodation people is the sort of thing that may be usefully delegated to a parent. You can ask what areas students tend to live in and then check on the various rentals websites. If you've driven your dc they may want to have a bit of a tour of the relevant areas.
It did factor into DD eliminating a couple of her list which had looked good on paper.

just came back to say “ouch” to that comment and all the judgement it implies of my parenting (and the minimising of my YP’s desire to be independent). Ouch, ouch, ouch. Bow down to @sarah419 superiority 👏

Take a bow @sarah419. Prize for most judgemental post on my thread goes to you #ohsuperiormother. Thanks to everyone else for their posts - has been very interesting to read and I appreciate xx

Personally I don't think there's anything for her to feel superior about. What is better about a child that needs mummy to do this with them? 😉

(I don't actually think there is a wrong or right way for this. It all depends on the child and what's best for them. Some people can't see this though.)

@Itsgoingbytooquickly It really isn’t huge numbers of DC that don’t live in Bristol. Unfortunately it’s a uni where people talk about the issues without doing much research. I’m y1 it has some cheap halls. Well priced but not swish. En suite and modern costs a lot everywhere. Eg Liverpool. Bristol have one hall in Wales. Most can avoid it.

From y2, there’s choices to be made because living near the uni of Bristol is a very nice place to be! It costs more as you would expect. You could live further away and save a lot. However it’s not far to go really and of course Bristol has two unis.

The problem comes when students want Clifton but don’t have the money. Many unis have similar nice areas. It is cheaper than London though. Exeter is not cheap either due to supply and demand. So weigh up what’s best overall but there are uni halls for y1 students and then look around for compromises in y2 onwards. If dc must be at uni in 5 mims, it will cost. A bus ride, much cheaper. Quality of accommodation varies too and price reflects this.

My son liked me going with him. I don’t think it made either of us sad 🙁 I didn’t speak to the tutors (other than to ask one of them where the ladies was).

@willWillSmithsmith But lots do. Plus crowd round to get info. I’m ok with one parent but whole families go. A parent can drive, be a sounding board, and generally be another pair of eyes, but taking part in talks and sessions is too much - in my view.

I just minded my own business and let him talk, but I can appreciate it must be annoying if parents are too full on.

Mine took herself to the London ones and I drove her and a friend to Nottingham and they went off together, but then she never really needed me boo hoo, she's 40 next year!!

My Y12 has been to two on his own now; probably coincidence but he came away with much better impressions of those two than the one I went with him to. As an introverted potential maths student I think it's had huge "life-experience" benefit for him to go alone - everything from the complicated unfamiliar travel (two trains, tube and 2 buses to one place), to having to ask his own questions. I feel I've missed out, but it's not supposed to be about me so I'm reluctantly sucking it up 😇

@NeedingCoffee That transport looks convoluted! If London - Uber is worth it! However, I agree that developing independence is a good thing.

I went to all of mine with a parent. I didn't want to go alone lol

Here's my input for the September open days...
mine went on their own to most of them (together they visited nine) and together with friends to two. I made a weekend of Scotland but didn't go to the university (o went to museums) and also agreed to go up to one northern university on the train as my daughter's friend had dropped out and she wanted. Company.
I'd say overall my input was less than helpful (I took an irrational dislike to one very good place). One university lecturer was very impressed my daughter was by herself and told her so. Another one laid into her and It's lucky I wasn't there as I would have laid back. Many parents were pushy and at one university clogged up the student lectures so the actual students missed the talk (admittedly the university was also to blame for allowing this to happen). I walked out of one subject open day after five minutes as I thought I'd just prevent my daughter talking to new people and spent the day eating sandwiches and writing social media posts.
I reckon I spent 1400 pounds between all of us (Scotland took the bulk) and I have no idea how anyone in low incomes can afford this. It seemed incredibly unfair.