AIBU to be upset about my DD's university choice?

[Nicmarmum]

My DD, who is now in year 13, decided to study Law for her undergraduate studies. She applied for a few universities in the UK and received conditional offers from UCL and KCL.

She attended the open day of both universities and formed a strong preference of KCL over UCL. She likes KCL's vibes, its beautiful buildings and is disappointed by how unorganized UCL run the open day, and its facilities look run down to her.

She is considering to firm KCL which I am unsure whether it is a wise choice. I am given to know that UCL is academically stronger in law, and enjoys a better reputation in the industry. I have conveyed such messages to DD as well but she seems to be quite determined. If you were me, what will you do?

What are her long term goals op?

If she is wanting a law degree as an excellent leg up to a "normal" job, then the difference between them is negligible. And in general I'd say she gets to choose and she needs to be happy. But if she wants to be a barrister for example, then a colder harder look at which gives her the best shot of doing that might be prudent (but I don't the the answer to that). I've known a few people in my time with law degrees and their sights on a career in law at 18, and standard office jobs at 25...

Both KCL and UCL are good. It really doesn't matter. It's not like she's choosing between ucl vs the university of east bogrottenshire. She'll be fine. Let her choose. If you pressure her she'll blame you when the going gets tough.

Her choice.

Support and respect that.

As you talk about law schools, I suspect you're in the US which isn't comparable.

If it's a choice between a student from KCL and a student from UCL, the decision will come down to what level of degree the applicant has, quality of their application and references, how they present at interview, and generally whether they fit the job on offer. Choice of university will make zero difference.

To be honest, I wouldn't choose either simply because of the cost of living in London and the fact that she is likely to end up having to commute. Unless you live in London and she will stay at home.

YABU there’s nothing between them in terms of opportunities. Let her make her choice.

I know a lot of people who hated UCL, she’s making the right choice and has her head screwed on. She’s choosing where SHE think she will be happy without being swayed by reputation. Good for her.

Back off!

Same scenario here we’ve respected dds choices it’s her life. Also if you pressurise her and she hates it it’s all your fault we didn’t want that responsibility

She's the one that has to do 3 years there, so it's important she makes the right decision for her.

Imagine that she goes to your preferred choice and hates it? You'll never hear the end of it.

She's old enough now to make this kind of decision, let her. Be supportive.

Let her make her own decisions. This is her life, not yours.

Exactly, if she ends up hating it she'll probably drop out.

Thank you everyone for reading this post and taking your time to reply. It's a great help to me as I have been keeping my feeling only to myself.

Yes, my DD is intelligent and she takes ownership of her own decisions. She has a clear mind of what she wants and is brave to make changes and bite the bullet. This thread reminds me of how she proposed to switch to another boarding school after spending her first term in her original boarding school when she was in year 9!

We respected and supported her decision back then, and turned out she excelled both academically and socially. If I trusted her then, I have no reason to not trust her now. I just need some reassurance, which I got here!

As @LightDrizzle says,
”She’s not choosing Luton over Cambridge!”

I expected you to say she was choosing Hollyoaks university when she’s capable of Manchester or Nottingham etc. She’s got to live and study at this place for three years, so if KCL is her gut feeling, she should go there. There’re both good choices.

Both of those are much of a muchness. Neither stands out as better.

Not as if she's picking UEL over Imperial is it?

No, when you study law in the UK, the faculty of law is often referred to as ‘the law school’ - the poster is therefore quite correct in referring to ‘law schools’ for uk universities. I say this as a law graduate within the english uni system many moons ago…

It's her uni choice not yours. There's no debate, it's her choice.

I would say let her pick in all cases except if she wants to become a barrister. Then you’re relying on a small number of chambers who have preferences for certain law schools based on their own experiences.
When I was that age, I remember those law students coming from Oxbridge, Durham, Bristol and UCL having an easier time getting pupil placements than those from other universities who generally went into other law avenues in the end. Things will have changed I’m sure but those pupils are now the leaders in those chambers.. (disclaimer - I am not a barrister so this is anecdotal and historic information).

If I were you I'd recognised that I did not in fact know all there is to know about Law careers from either of those two fantastic institutions. You are just plain wrong in your assertion.

I also think it’s our jobs as parents to advise our kids if we have information or life experience that they don’t or are making choices that don’t make sense. We certainly can’t force them but should advise.. I wish I had had someone who could have advised me better but my parents hadn’t been to uni so were unable to help.

It’s a long time ago now, but I remember our General Studies lecturer at A Level specifically saying that we shouldn’t let our parents influence us too much in terms of choice; that it was much better to spend time doing our own research into what various universities offered now rather than taking an opinion that might be 20 years out of date as gospel.

Now I’m not suggesting you are basing your opinion of UCL vs KCL entirely on “What it was like in my day”, but you are being quite vague on where this knowledge/view comes from. Are you sure you’re not underestimating your daughter’s ability to research and make this decision for herself?

I think we’ve found one of the parents from the wedding threads who thinks a financial contribution entitles them to dictate the guest list…

Don't push her as what if she chooses your choice because of you and then hates it or quits or something bad happens there? Then that's on you and she won't forgive the resentment she will feel because you pushed her to do something she didn't want to do in the first place

My experience is probably just as out of date as yours but all the Law acquaintances I had at KCL who wanted to be barristers managed to get pupillages. The physical proximity seemed to be meaningful for a lot of chambers.

One of DD's friends is having a nightmare with her disorganised department at UCL while trying to complete her MSc. She really regrets her choice.

I would let her decide and support her choice It's her life and she will be living and studying there for at least three years .
Besides KCL is a good University