AIBU to be upset about my DD's university choice?

[Nicmarmum]

My DD, who is now in year 13, decided to study Law for her undergraduate studies. She applied for a few universities in the UK and received conditional offers from UCL and KCL.

She attended the open day of both universities and formed a strong preference of KCL over UCL. She likes KCL's vibes, its beautiful buildings and is disappointed by how unorganized UCL run the open day, and its facilities look run down to her.

She is considering to firm KCL which I am unsure whether it is a wise choice. I am given to know that UCL is academically stronger in law, and enjoys a better reputation in the industry. I have conveyed such messages to DD as well but she seems to be quite determined. If you were me, what will you do?

They’re both well respected universities it’s really not going to matter

You should just let her choose. I'm sure she is smart enough to consider this herself.

No, a parent does not get to decide where their child attends university no matter the circumstances. At 18 they are grown adults with their own lives ahead of them and need to be treated as such. If OP wants to pay the fees (which is practically unheard of) and hypothetically chooses to be so selfish as to use this as a form of blackmail against her DD then I suspect we’ll be seeing a ‘why has my DD gone no contact with me’ thread in the future

Part of a successful academic experience at university is just being able to navigate the administration. If she found one school disorganized, then that may not be the place for her. She will probably find other aspects difficult to navigate over her years of study and that could end up causing problems.

especially if there is another quality option where she felt comfortable, she is making the right choice for her.

My three all went to university. They chose where to go, I supported their decisions. Isn’t that what you do? I’m surprised at your attitude @Nicmarmum , leave her be.

It's fine to have a say, which the OP has done. But the daughter gets to make the final decision.

Going against the grain here. I work in law and had a similar situation when I was deciding on law schools. I went with the one I liked more and had a great time but struggled to get placements etc. compared to peers who went to better schools. I wish my parents had been tougher about making me think about the long term implications of where your degree is from. Ultimately I needed to do an expensive masters at the school I originally turned down to strengthen my CV. The top firms still care about schools despite what they publicly say. For some degrees it doesn’t matter as much but certainly for law firms it still does.

FWIW UCL is a stronger school academically and in terms of career prospects and prestige, but KCL is not awful by any means. Congratulations to your DD for getting offers from both!

Also thought you were going to say she had turned down Cambridge for Bedfordshire or something. She sounds as if she had valid reasons for her choice. I know you are expressing yourself online, which is fine, and hopefully this means you are keeping your negativity out of your interactions with her.

Beak out and stop living your life through your daughter. KCL is a perfectly respectable choice, of university.

You'll also find that quite a few KCL lecturers have probably taught at UCL and vice versa. So the staff themselves think it's an OK place to work for their research interests.

Recruiters for legal jobs will not make any distinction between KCL and UCL.

@ladykale

whats all this 'let her choose'?

she's an adult, it IS her choice! She's the one studying and living there

i thought you were going to say Glasgow, when you live down south!
it is her choice,
two london universities?

@TequilaSunsets

what is the 'inside' feel about Leeds?
God daughter has an offer. Still waiting on Durham & LSC

wouldn't have all been my choices, but it's not me going!!

I'm not sure why she hasn't heard (either way) from Durham & LSC is that unusual at this stage or is it a 'no'?

@Nicmarmum if she chooses UCL she needs to get a wriggle on, they’ve switched to first come, first served accommodation. One of mine nearly chose Manchester over UCL for history which I couldn’t understand but you have to consider the course content. One of mine chose York for Law because the course content was a more ‘hands on’ approach than the other offers. In the end it’ll be more important what class of degree she gets than which university out of KCL/UCL she attends.

As a side note, quite a lot of parents don’t opt for private school and fund university attendance instead. I also know a lot of parents who just view university as a continuation of school fees. It is not quite the case to say ‘it’s rare for parents to pay’ it is more common than you think, just not the done thing to mention it amongst peers.

Years ago I had to chose between Imperial and Sheffield. Imperial was definitely better academically. But I knew zi would be happier in Sheffield, less stressed about money etc. My parents supported my decision.

My school wasn't as happy though.

If she's happier she will achieve more.

"Upset?" ffs. You will alienate your daughter beyond belief if you get upset over decisions like this!

What if she decides she'd actually be happier working on a farm, or in a bookshop, or travelling the world? Let her live HER life, she is not an extension of you.

I am given to know that UCL is academically stronger in law, and enjoys a better reputation in the industry. -a

Another city lawyer here. I'm not aware of any difference between the two. I have friends who were at kings who trained at really prestigious firms so it didn't do them any harm.

Let your DD be. Those are good offers and she isn't making bad decisions here. She sounds a sensible young woman and these are her choices to make.

Absolutely nothing!! you have told her your thoughts - she prefers KCL, let her go - if the place is right for her she will love it!

YABU

If you were me, what will you do

Support her in the choice that she has made.

She will be studying (and living?) there so it is her choice. Dh chose the 'better' uni for his course rather than the one he really liked and hated every moment of it and dropped out. She needs to chose somewhere that feels right for her.

I’d make my opinion on it clear but the choice is hers. Your job is to guide and nudge but she needs to make the big decisions herself. it’s tempting to push it but honestly she’s growing into adulthood and you have to step back at some point and let her be.

I’d be looking for data on where graduates go after they have finished, just to make sure I was actually right as well.

You're 'upset' that she's chosen King's College London? Come on, OP.

Luckily for you, employers won't give two hoots whether it's KCL or UCL. King's is a fantastic university with an international reputation. Step away from the meaningless league tables and think about your daughter's happiness, perhaps?

By the time she starts Uni, she is an adult, therefore it’s her choice.

So far, she has only received conditional offers so she may not get into either Uni anyway.

Surely, the most important thing is she’s happy and comes out with a good degree, which she’ll receive from either Uni, if she puts the work in.

I'm a lawyer - this choice is irrelevant to job prospects