I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

South east

TBH, I think the OP's post is a cast iron example of why it was better for kids to leave school at 18 without debt but without a degree. There are too many jobs for which a degree is no more necessary than it was in the 1970s, but where it has become expected. In those days, most would-be accountants and local lawyers left school at 18 with good A levels, and took articles, did night school and qualified on the job. Unless it's science or medicine, no degree in a humanities subject is necessary........... except to prove that you are seriously elite level, in which case if you don't get in to a world class university, then you already haven't qualified. Sorry.

Some of these costs would be replaced by uni costs, not in addition to.

Every University has hardship funds and support for skint students, they wont help with fees, as student loans cover those, but for living costs.

They can help with accomodation, living costs, the lot. Your kids can even interrupt a year and work and build up funds ( Gain a place and take a gap year working).

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but especially as you never went to Uni, you have to understand MANY students turn up and flourish at Uni with no parental help. Its not unusual to have students living hand to mouth with no parental help AT ALL.

I was one of them.

They work part time , its a real struggle, and they get hardship funds help and beg and borrow and (hopefully not steal) but with enough gumption, they make it.

I worked during my full time degree, it was fine, I worked my ass off and it made me really appreciate my degree. When I graduated, I cleared my student debt in record time, because unlike many of my friends who had everything paid for by bank of mum and dad, I wasn't afraid to graft in shitty jobs while I searched for my dream job.

You say your DD can't get a job, many jobs at Uni are through the Uni, for
students- working in the Union bar, the shop, there's tutoring for school
students, lots of things her status as a Uni student will open up for her.

ENCOURAGE
THEM, as long as you are brutally realistic about what you can contribute, if
it all goes pear shaped, they just leave , but they have to try if they want to
go.

Can I just say - don't make the mistake of assuming that studying at Oxbridge is expensive. My son is at Cambridge. He says that Oxford and Cambridge are wealthy universities due to the amount of assets they have. Cambridge has a very generous bursary scheme and it's entirely possible to have college accommodation for the full length of the course. You only pay for the weeks that you there, and the terms are short. This is in contrast to many of DS's friends at universities elsewhere who have had to move out to private accommodation at extortionate rates, and who want retainers, year round rent etc. And of course as the Cambridge terms are short, that gives more opportunity to work during the holidays and build up savings for the term time (during which, admittedly, it is ill advised to have a part time job as the work is so full on).

I really hope that people don't make this wrong assumption that Oxbridge is only for the rich.

I agree with this and you could get her some career advice about computer programming apprenticeships. Do it now don't leave it until it's too late to apply. In the meanwhile start saving a bit now so if your son goes later you can help him out to top up parental contribution on his loan. You could remortgage and draw back £20k to give each DC £10k help with education. It wouldn't make a lot of difference to your mortgage. I just wish parents were notified about these cost when children moved to secondary so they don't get caught out when DC in year 12/13.

Is she ready to move out? Does she cook, clean, do laundry? Know how to unclog a drain, change a light bulb, test a smoke detector? Keep a garden/driveway weed free, (second year houseshare brings horrors that halls don't prepare you for) sort out recycling, put out rubbish, budget for food, keep herself healthy?

All those things need looking at well before moving out from home. A gap year can give you all the breathing space to earn whilst learning to live alone.

I do actually feel a lot better now. I thought we were the only ones who couldn't afford it. Maybe it's just the people we hang out with.

Look OP I understand that it can be overwhelming especially as you didn't go to uni yourself but you really need to do the maths.
You need a spreadsheet of uni costs, accomodation in each city, options, etc.

Right now you seem to be going around in circles because of a figure on some random website.

MANY students commute, there is a dire accommodation shortage. It's not the end of the world if DC has to live at home.

Btw programming is one of those fields with a large number of degree apprenticeships as a woman and autistic your daughter has quite a good shot as they're trying to increase diversity. Barclays for example hires a large number of young people, so do other big banks.

Again I know it's overwhelming but all you've done is throw up your hands and say 'it can't be done;. Degree apprenticeships are 'hard to get' how do you know if you haven't even tried? These things recruit on a rolling basis so if you apply the moment they open and pass all the online tests you're highly likely to be able to get an interview!

You need to do more detailed research, again I can understand if you're overwhelmed but you need to collect information in a structure way. There are plenty of good sites online like MSE, WIWIKAU, etc that can help.

I supported myself through a four year degree and ran a car which was mandatory for our degree course. I did graduate with debt via student overdrafts but did it though waitressing.

She is very practical actually and I've taught her to cook, clean etc. I do worry she could end up sat in her room there if she doesn't find her crowd

Also, OP, there are a lot of very academically able students are Oxbridge who are on the spectrum. She would probably fit in well.

I'd be surprised if she was told not to worry about money at an open day, every open day I've been to (and I'm currently on the 3rd DC applying to university) has been quite realistic about the cost.

Has she got a Unifrog account? As that will give her options based on her predicted grades. She can then shortlist based on whether she likes the course modules, the distance from home, cost of accommodation etc. Mine all did this in Y12.

There are still open days in the autumn, we've just been to one and have another one next month. There will also be offer holder days in the spring to help choose which offer to firm.

Sounds like how things were for me. I had to go to my local uni.

She actually sounds like she would benefit from moving away. I would do some serious amounts of research before discounting it completely.

OP, I have a dd who is autistic and at uni. Her condition is such that it is also difficult for her to get a pt job, not just from a social interaction/processing information point of view but also in terms of motivating and organising herself. She does not have the maturity of an 18 year old and is much 'younger'. Dh and I manage all her accommodation and finances at uni and give her pocket money.

Does your dd have a formal diagnosis of autism? If she does, it is a good starting point.

My dd has both DSA and PIP. DSA is relatively easy to get. An assessor will review the paperwork, interview her and find out what her needs are. The assessor was lovely and did not try to catch dd out or quibble. DSA threw the support at her, including a laptop, printer, assistive tech (software to transcribe voice to text and vice versa), ASD support and Study Skills mentor. We also tried to get the uni to provide mental health support but they were a bit rubbish.

PIP on the other hand was very difficult to get. It took me, as dd's appointee, a total of 8 months, a stack of paperwork, one interview/assessment, 2 rejections, almost went to appeal tribunal before the DWP settled on an enhanced award of 400 pounds a month. DWP will back pay to the date of the application.

PIP is obviously worth it if you can get it for your dd because it is a cash award that can help bridge the financial gap. You say your dd is bright so she could be able to read all the tons of guides to help fit her condition within the exacting PIP criteria and argue her case in writing. There are also charities that have advisors to help advise on PIP applications. Most of the leg work is filling forms and submitting them within the deadlines. If your dd is unable to advocate for herself verbally (I am not sure how her autism affects her), you can do so for her by appointing yourself as her appointee if and when she needs to speak (during the assessment and during an appeal). My dd did not speak a word to anybody to get PIP. The great thing is I could absorb all that PIP stress on her behalf as her appointee and mother, hth.

Look at Lampeter campus, trinity Saint David. It's a tiny rural campus in North Wales. Lots of neurodiverse students, lots of support. Cheap as chips accommodation and plenty of it. Also scholarships and bursaries. Especially if she signs up for some Welsh classes and learns part of her degree through Welsh.

It sounds like your dd doesn’t know what she wants, only that she fancies the idea of living in university halls.

This isn’t a reason for the whole family to bend over backwards financing that. Theres no refund if dd drops out after 2 years when she realises university is not what she imagined.

You say she can’t cope with interviews, and can’t / won’t cope with a job or a competitive market and struggles massively in social situations.

I think you and your dd need a reality check!
Her life isn’t ruined if she can’t go off to uni right now.

I get this but I don't think it's something I'm very good at organising. I will try it just seems overwhelming. There are 4000 courses! How do you begin to find the right one in the right place?

@F0XCUBs your dd will be fine.
You have a year to find some money and for dd to get a job.
Why don’t you do some mock interviews with her and gently give her some tips on eye contact etc.
Let her go to her choice of uni, where there is a will there’s usually a way.

IBM have a lot of autistic people in their apprenticeship programmes, I'd try there.

Generally speaking though, unless my children wanted to do: medicine; law; engineering etc., I'd be discouraging university. It's a waste of money these days with the fees and associated costs.

I went to Uni myself, before the ridiculous costs of it and although I did well in my career, now that I'm a mum, I can't do anything on a part-time basis related to my career, so it's pretty much wasted now.

The majority of courses offered at uni are just ridiculous being degrees in the first place. They would have been courses that you'd have got a diploma in at a polytechnic / college years back. Unis these days are just businesses out to make as much profit as possible.

I don't think my children will end up wanting to do a Uni degree anyway, they are already working hard with other things that they really don't need a degree to work in.

If she's doing computers, definitely apprenticeships are the way to go.

Another poster has suggested an app called unifrog and said the accomodation costs are one of the features you can filter on.

That's very helpful thank you. She wouldn't get PIP. She does have a diagnosis, age 8

She’s not going to be looking at Oxbridge with those predicted grades, though.

Has she looked at what job opportunities there are in university towns? Might be more than there are available in your area, and accommodation is likely to be cheaper in a lot of places away from the SE.

Could be an interesting coding / research project for her - calculate the best option based on job availability, grades, and accommodation costs.

Don't discount applying. I worked with Uni students who struggled in the years after entering Uni because the workload ramped up and all the coping mechanisms they'd used got overwhelmed.