I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

“She lives in a bit of a dream. She visited the local uni who apparently told them all not to worry about money because it will all be covered by loans and when I have mentioned that this isn't the case she tells me that the people at uni said it is”

^
Do you think she can manage living away from home? I’d be concerned from how you describe what she has done so far.

I think someone else asked this before, but what grades is your DD expecting? Are they a good match for any commutable universities?

Start by researching which universities do the computer science degrees she’s interested in.

She MUST start here. It’s no good picking a university for her because it’s ‘cheap’. It should start with the course itself. They’re not all the same.

Can she do coding? My niece is about to work at a ‘coding camp’ during her 3rd year and will be making stacks of money.

I'm worried about this too op, we're a similar income level to yours and have to bright DC (although younger). We don't have spare money to start saving now, well £20 a month or so but that won't make a dent in what they need.

My DC will need to get a part time job, one or two shifts a week should make up the shortfall. Or working full time though each summer. Part time jobs don't need to be people-facing, so your dd could find something suitable.

I did go to uni but my dp didn't, I worked every summer and my mum topped me up with £150 a month (this was 15 years ago). It was more than enough with my loan but costs are so much more now. I now pay 9% of everything I earn back on a student loan I will never pay off.

The thing about her getting a job right now and going to uni are 2 separate issues.

-Re Uni, have some conversations to see if she really wants to do a degree and doing a degree is worth it and needed for the career she will aim for. If all she wants is to live away from home, uni is t necessary for that.

• Consider if she is ready and able to live and study independently.
• Work out what you CAN afford to contribute per month. If you can’t afford to top up to the full maintenance loan, anything you can give will reduce what she needs to contribute herself.
• Talk with her about the amounts she might need to find herself per month.
• Look at different unis and look at self catering halls and consider places which are cheaper to live. Work on a basis of the rent cost plus about £60-75 per week for living.

Lots of kids go to uni and live away who don’t get topped up to the full maintenance loan. Lots partly support themselves. It is entirely possible. But the key questions are if she wants to go and needs a degree and if she will be able and ready to live no study alone and financially support herself in the way that will be necessary.

She should keep applying for local jobs for now. Students who have extra needs often find it harder to get jobs whilst at school and at uni. It is something to consider and work through how that will work out and sectors that might be more suitable for her.

How much can you contribute OP? You can tell her that. The loans will be her own and in the end it will be her choice about if to go to uni away from home and not that of you as parents.

@F0XCUBs quick Google came up with www.savethestudent.org/student-finance/student-bursary-scholarship-sources.html

Does she believe everything she's told?

Chiming in from
America…

My sister attended a community college while working PT (close to her host family’s home in Oregon) for 2 years and then transferred to a state university (to complete the final 2 yrs and earn a degree from that uni). She graduated with $6k in debt, which I covered as a gift for having completed studies.

You mention that she would like to go away, but that’s not really an option for her. She has to make do with the resources she’s got available.

my sister is in a high paying job, working among others who are still in debt having gone to fancier, more expensive schools. It’s all a farce, uni education cost. I highly respect those who can get their degree without a massive loan looming over them for decades!

www.ncl.ac.uk/student-financial-support/scholarships/charities-and-trusts/#searchandapplyforfunding

www.moneysavingexpert.com/funding-uni/

Sorry @F0XCUBs not read full thread but my thoughts:

If your income is actually about 50k, that’s less than ours and DS2 has got a £6k loan this year. So we are topping it up to the tune of about £50 pw, plus occasional gifts.

If I factor in buying less food, not paying for his sports clubs and not driving him to activities, then while I am not breaking even (as it were) I am spending less elsewhere, at least £20-30 pw less I would say. Same when DD went and I no longer paid £50 pm for dance class and £200 per term for music lessons. Not that I resented any of that for sure – but it is a factor you can consider in your calculations (obvs not relevant if DC don't do many activities).

I would say your assessment is overly pessimistic. Look carefully at the cost of halls and private accommodation. Some cities are cheaper than others – Sheffield, Birmingham and Leeds for example have a lot of cheaper options for private rentals; DD’s rental in Leicester was only about £100 pw; DS2’s Lboro first-year hall was £4k for the year.

Yes, Nottingham uni fully catered is £8k plus but that’s not the only uni. Nothing wrong with looking at costs as part of the equation. And don’t sniff at a local uni – plenty of people I know commute to local unis where I live and it seems to work out OK.

Agree with others – what level of uni are we looking at? And wherabouts are you - what would the local offer be like? Where I live, commutable unis (esp if only 2-3 days per week) would include Lboro, Leicester, Brum, Nottingham, NTU, Sheffield, Sheffield Hallam, Derby, Stafford - so not a bad range. You may not be so well placed, uni-wise, but there may be somewhere that would work?

Because it is pretty easy for OP's dd to leave home and go to uni. She can afford it. But she hasn't bothered to do any actual research.

there’s generally an option to start in 2nd year if have A levels as the course starting assumption is the knowledge level is Scottish Highers

She can get a job; like I had to, and my nephew does.

Why is 300-500 such a stretch?

Your monthly costs will reduce so you won’t be paying for her food, extra heating, toiletries, travel- day to day expenses. That’s easily £500 a month.

we earn the same as you and can’t see the problem. Between loans and us giving them what we’d normally spend on them anyway, plus a job if they can get one, budget should be ok.

I think you need to re plan.

Predicted grades are AAB or ABB

But we've missed open days because I'm crap at all this as you have already pointed out to me. Yes I know I've let her down.

Is UWC crap? Or Portsmouth? Or Chichester? Or Surrey? She is choosing based on them having a campus and the course

She should at least apply for the programming apprenticeship. Many software developers are self taught so a university degree is in no way necessary.

I think it’s a bit of a myth that social skills aren’t necessary. There will be some jobs like this I guess but most developers work as part of a team and you have to be able to get on with people and communicate. Quite a few that I work with probably are borderline ASD, and what they do at home in their spare time can be quite esoteric. But in work you need to be collaborative and friendly, not expect to get your head down, bang the keyboard and not talk to anyone.

Try looking at unis that are away from major cities as accommodation will be cheaper. Spend some time going through to their websites 1 by 1 and noting the cost of the cheapest accommodation. You will find places under 100 a week, but they won't be fancy or ensuite etc.

Mortgage just went up £400.

She spends hardly anything. I don't see that she is costing us £500!

She has a group of friends and gets on with people. Just not brilliant

You don’t feed her then? Heat her room, buy her shampoo or clothes?

OP very vaguely what part of the county are you in? People might be able to share cheaper costs etc.

I don't see that she is costing us £500!

Lol. But you believed a random site that said she'd need £500 a month!

You don’t feed her then? Heat her room, buy her shampoo or clothes?

Yes but I don't think our outgoings would go down by £500 if she left.