I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

Both of mine had part time jobs from the age of 14 and saved. They got what loans they could and topped up with their own money. It's fine saying parents have to pay but if they can't, they can't.

In your case OP, your DH is right. They should go to local university.

So is a degree course.

Start looking a full time job to earn more money. Make a plan, upskill and start to look at a different sector to earn more money. This is what I did and increased my salary by £20k in 3 years.
https://www.charityjob.co.uk/

https://www.jobs.ac.uk/search/?nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=administrative&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=estates-and-facilities-management&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=finance-and-procurement&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=fundraising-and-alumni&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=health-and-wellbeing&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=hospitality-retail-conferences-and-events&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=human-resources&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=international-activities&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=it-services&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=laboratory-clinical-and-technician&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=legal-compliance-and-policy&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=library-services-data-and-information-management&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=pr-marketing-sales-and-communication&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=project-management-and-consulting&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=senior-management&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=sports-and-leisure&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=student-services&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=sustainability&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=web-design-and-development&nonAcademicDisciplineFacet[]=other

If she wants to do computer science that's brilliant - it's a great career choice if you're not keen on too much social interaction. Technical architecture and software development are fields full of lovely, quirky oddballs earning loads of money!

Does your role translate to a better paid sector?

And as an add on, literally nobody I know received financial help from their parents at university. We all had jobs and worked to support ourselves and actually doing it this way prepared us for coming out of uni into the real world because we’d had 3 years of having to work for what we wanted, manage time to balance uni work and work etc.

Obviously it’s great if you can afford to support your children financially at uni, but coming from someone who was at a Russel Group law school (so literally students from all over the country) only 3 years ago that’s not the norm at least not now in my experience, 95% of my class had jobs and supported themselves

If your DD wants to do a programming/computer science degree, why doesn’t she look at a gap year and take on a software tester role or something like that and save up for a year. Those sort of roles are generally well paid and DH’s company has quite a few engineers and software testers with autism. She may find that a degree apprenticeship is also within her reach as well.

Did you just want to moan or do you want advice?
It seems as though you’re refusing to consider any of the practical solutions offered on this thread!

What on earth is wrong with an apprenticeship in computing?

The reason to gain a higher education is to access a career- yet you say your dd isn’t competitive enough to be in this field?

Can your dd live independently? This all seems unrealistic and dramatic.

Far better to support your dd in exploring what opportunities she can access after A levels rather than acting like she’s doomed!

There should be a career advisor in hand at her college who can help her decide which path is the best fit for her.

The first step in helping her independence would be helping her secure a part time / Saturday job.

What solutions has DD come up
with?

I don’t know about others but when I went to uni I applied myself, worked, sorted accommodation etc. worked during a gap year and worked during TV uni. What has your DD suggested to make uni happen?

I feel like you’re worrying about paying for an option I am not sure will work out for your DD anyway(unless she is more proactive a socially able than it appears from your previous posts).

my suggestion would be a gap year. Work on DD getting employment etc and use that as time for her to build her skills and finances. Then go next year. She can always do some travel during the gap year too.

She already applied to McDonald's twice and Asda and Tesco. No luck.

She has actually got £3000 in her bank. She has never spent birthday money and we give £40 month pocket money that she never spends. So that would help.

Yes I should have thought of it before but we don't live decadently! We go camping and rarely eat out etc. maybe we aren't all as forward thinking as each other. Well done to everyone who has it together.

Thank you for the helpful replies, im going to look at the calculator someone posted.

My daughter only gets the minimum loan. She has worked since she finished her GCSE and saved as much as she could. Now in her final year has always worked in the holidays and try’s to pick up a shift a week. We have helped her but nowhere near £500 a month.

It’s hard but very much she wanted to go to uni and we said we would support her as much as possible. But she needed to work to help. It is sad when I see her old friends all go on holidays over the summer and she works near full time but needs must for her to live once back at uni.

You just need to manage their and your expectations. Even with a full grant I couldn't afford to move out for uni. And I had to work weekends and through the summer holidays. I still had good experiences.

OP, what grades is your daughter likely to get? No point us discussing Oxbridge is she’s in line for 3 Cs or the local ex poly if she’s getting A stars. Can you tell us whether your local unis would actually be suitable for what she wants to do (big difference between eg living in London or another big city with a whole range of unis on your doorstep and living in somewhere more remote where the nearest place might not be a good fit).

Can you post the actual figures for how much loan she’ll get for maintenance? Not how much it says you should have been saving. People can then give you practical ideas.

Whatever the answer to these questions are, university is definitely doable, even if it means your DD takes a gap year to save and works throughout the course. But you need to be practical. Does your school have a staff member who advises?

What on earth is wrong with an apprenticeship in computing?

They are very hard to get apparently

She has to get a job. I mean she'll have to after uni anyway right? How about shifts doing personal shopping? They don't normally interact with shoppers much, and they tend to be very inclusive in terms of hiring. A friends son took a gap year and did as many shifts as possible for ten months and saved £11000 to support himself at uni. And there are definitely unis where the maximum loan will cover accommodation and food, though not a lot of socialising.
I do know several people who have put themselves through uni without any financial assistance, though they have not had autism.
But if she wants to go away to uni she will have to come up with a plan.

Well it was a shit calculation then wasn't it. Can you survive on less than £500 a month for food and going out? I'm guessing you can, so why can't your dd?

How about you actually sit down with a calculator yourself and find some real facts about how much she'll get and how much accommodation costs and create a proper budget.

I mean it's not as dramatic as wailing on MN about how you've failed your child, but then you're an adult so online drama really shouldn't be your priority.

I must admit I thought this too- and I did go to uni. I just assumed that like back in the late 90s/00s the student loan would cover rent and food, and poorer people getting more, and kids from wealthier families getting less.
I actually used some of my child's savings to pay off the mortgage due to higher rates.....better get saving.
So many people who went to uni when I did, probably wouldn't go now. Not due to lack of academic ability, but through lack of desire to rack up tons of debt just for the 'uni experience' or if they do go, doing a 'useful' degree, ie not a degree in mediaeval Scottish history.

Good luck.

What solutions has DD come up
with?

She lives in a bit of a dream. She visited the local uni who apparently told them all not to worry about money because it will all be covered by loans and when I have mentioned that this isn't the case she tells me that the people at uni said it is

We may have been able to do it but the mortgage just wen tip by £400 as well

Degrees are competitive. So is the graduate jobs market.

Dd goes off to uni next week, she gets her student loan but it doesn't cover halls, we're going to have to find an extra £400 a month to cover halls costs plus food. We've told dd she'll have to get a job to fund her social life. I'm feeling quite anxious about finding the
Money as it'll mean things are very tight each month, It's shit that this is the situation we're in but that's what we'll have to do. For us, her education is our priority and we'll just have to cut our cloth accordingly for the next 3 years.

Went up

Can you post the actual figures for how much loan she’ll get for maintenance? Not how much it says you should have been saving. People can then give you practical ideas

I've already done that (£6200) but I don't think OP actually wants practical ideas.

We have a similar income to you, dd has about £2k left after her accommodation costs (less than £100pw en-suite). We’ll give her £200 per month on top as that’s what she currently costs us in food, mobile and clothes.

Shes going to find work but luckily she’s not a drinker and will happily stick to one coke all night and is not bothered about nice food.

Her uni offers reasonable food prices on site so hopefully she’ll take advantage of that. It’s doable just but without working it’ll be a basic experience.

There are some charities that can help financially especially if they are the first generation in a family to go to uni.