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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

469 replies

F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:26

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

OP posts:
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Tiredalwaystired · 17/09/2023 15:52

Dillydollydingdong · 17/09/2023 15:39

A girl I know went to uni in the Netherlands. Much cheaper, a third of the cost of the UK.

I was talking about this with a friend, but she seemed to think that Brexit has taken this option off the table. Was this recently?

Giveituphq · 17/09/2023 15:52

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NoSquirrels · 17/09/2023 15:52

You seem to be coming at this a bit backwards. Where does DD want to go, and to study what? How much does that cost at the universities she’s interested in?

With a £50K combined household income, your DD will get more than the minimum loan, and fees paid. She can live frugally. It’s not impossible.

ManchesterLu · 17/09/2023 15:52

F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:33

They don't want a fancy uni. Just to move away from home and live in a new place

Well sometimes what we want to do isn't what we can do.
You go to university primarily to get a degree to help towards the career you want.
Far too many young people choose to go to uni for the 'experience' or the 'lifestyle' which, yes, are important - but they shouldn't be the MAIN thing to think about.
If they just want to go and live in a new place, they can get a job and flatshare.

University isn't off the table for ANYBODY. It's just that pretty much nobody can dictate exactly where they'd like to go.

3WildOnes · 17/09/2023 15:53

Personally I would remortgage to release some equity if I didn't have any other options. I want my children to be able attend whichever university they choose and would prioritise being able to give them that experience. I understand that everyone has different priorities though.

HewasH2O · 17/09/2023 15:53

Add up the amount you currently spend each month on your DD whilst she is living at home. Deduct your child benefit. That is the minimum amount you should be able to give her each month. Presumably she eats, gets pocket money, has a phone etc at the moment.

Original poster
F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:53

Are you part time? Could you increase hours

I have tried but I work in the third sector and there isn't funding for more hours

OP posts:
TheHorneSection · 17/09/2023 15:54

Have they looked into apprenticeships? There are a lot of degree subjects moving to apprenticeships now - if you can become a lawyer without going to uni, there might be something in a similar field.

LuluBlakey1 · 17/09/2023 15:55

You are being overly dramatic.

You and DH needed to save some money. You haven't- not sure who you were expecting to pay for their uni-education. So re-mortgage and release some money from the house and start saving and paying that back.
If you earn £50,000, cut back on things so you do have spare money to pay a re-mortgage.
The children can take gap years and work and save. My friends two daughters each had a gap year and both worked as chamber maids and cafe staff in local hotels and cafes- then and during every holiday from uni- and saved. I don't know of any of my friends whose children haven't worked their way through uni. Applying for 12 jobs is nothing across a year.
It's very doable.

Original poster
F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:55

NoSquirrels · 17/09/2023 15:52

You seem to be coming at this a bit backwards. Where does DD want to go, and to study what? How much does that cost at the universities she’s interested in?

With a £50K combined household income, your DD will get more than the minimum loan, and fees paid. She can live frugally. It’s not impossible.

She doesn't spend much money, doesn't go out or buy clothes.

She doesn't seem to mind what uni she goes to and isn't bothered about the best uni preferring to go with one she knows she can get into. She wants to do computer science

OP posts:
BHRK · 17/09/2023 15:56

You make it happen. I find it hard to believe that you didn’t know years ago that you had bright children and that they might want to go to university. Increase your hours, release equity.. go without. don’t limit their options and make them live at home. Living away from home is an amazing experience.

ActDottie · 17/09/2023 15:56

F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:53

Are you part time? Could you increase hours

I have tried but I work in the third sector and there isn't funding for more hours

Can you find a full time job? My mum left her part time school job to work full time when my brother and I went to uni so she could pay for us. Once we were both through she went back to a part time role.

Alstroemeria123 · 17/09/2023 15:56

F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:43

Thanks for the posts about DSA. I don't think her difficulties would be enough to qualify. She has friends and can do the work

It’s not like PIP - it’s a lot more about getting the right support in place for diagnosed conditions. I was very pleasantly surprised with how easy the process was and how supportive the assessors were.

Definitely worth applying if she has autism.

Original poster
F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:56

LuluBlakey1 · 17/09/2023 15:55

You are being overly dramatic.

You and DH needed to save some money. You haven't- not sure who you were expecting to pay for their uni-education. So re-mortgage and release some money from the house and start saving and paying that back.
If you earn £50,000, cut back on things so you do have spare money to pay a re-mortgage.
The children can take gap years and work and save. My friends two daughters each had a gap year and both worked as chamber maids and cafe staff in local hotels and cafes- then and during every holiday from uni- and saved. I don't know of any of my friends whose children haven't worked their way through uni. Applying for 12 jobs is nothing across a year.
It's very doable.

I honestly thought that they got loans to cover uni. We didn't go to uni.

OP posts:
titchy · 17/09/2023 15:57

F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:53

Are you part time? Could you increase hours

I have tried but I work in the third sector and there isn't funding for more hours

Have you actually bothered to find out how much loan she'll have? It is easily possible for her.

KvotheTheBloodless · 17/09/2023 15:58

I'd remortgage if there's a chance university could lead to better employment chances for your DD - although if she's unlikely to be able to work it's a lot of money to spend on study for no gain at the end of it.

Re: jobs, are there any courses locally that help young adults with autism learn the social skills needed in society? As maybe a gap year to learn better coping strategies (eye contact etc.) and also working a job for a year to save up would be her best option.

Original poster
F0XCUBs · 17/09/2023 15:58

Have you actually bothered to find out how much loan she'll have? It is easily possible for her.

I did a calculation and it said I need to save 3-500 a month to be able to send her to uni. What about when DS wants to go too ?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 17/09/2023 15:58

I honestly think you’re being too hard on yourself! 6 years ago when I finished sixth form and wanted to go to university I was only eligible for the minimum loans which wouldn’t have even covered rent at a uni away from home. I had been working in a pub for 2 years by this time and has some savings but it was still a case of finding a job to support myself there, my parents also didn’t pay towards my uni life. I had really wanted to move away for uni the whole time I was at sixth form, really wanted to live somewhere else for that period of time the same as your DD, but when it came to it and I sat down to work out what I could afford it was clear that moving away would be tight & would rely on me getting a job there. Plus when I really looked at it, I clearly hadn’t been that bothered about moving away for uni because I’d been spending my wages for the last 2 years on nights out and takeaways, if I had genuinely had my heart set on moving away for uni I’d have saved every penny.

Your DD is the same, if she truly was desperate to move away then she would have been preparing for that in advance. Uni isn’t a school place that you as a parent apply for and have to facilitate, it’s their choice, it’s for them to apply themselves and make it work as an adult. As an adult you don’t ask your parents to bail you out you make it work yourself.

I attended a local university which I could afford while living at home and saved up, and then in my 3rd year took 2 semesters at a different uni in the country and moved out for that time, having spent that time saving and preparing for it.

Your DD can do the same, if she wants to do adult things (like move away), she has to first do adult things to get there (get a job and save up).

Pegsmum · 17/09/2023 15:58

Please don’t discount DSA, it won’t provide funding for rent etc, but can be very useful in funding support and equipment.

Giveituphq · 17/09/2023 15:58

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Hubblebubble · 17/09/2023 15:59

Research the most basic uni halls accommodation, get them to work in mcdonalds over the summer holidays and then they can transfer their mcdonalds job to the uni city. There are mcdonalds everywhere. It doesn't have to be customer facing. There are cleaning jobs.

Poblano · 17/09/2023 15:59

Just to check - do you live in England?

Frisate · 17/09/2023 15:59

Going to a local uni is not the end of the world. I went to one and continued to live with my parents and then went on to do a masters and a PhD in a different country (with scholarships). I feel for your DD as I also wanted to explore and try out new things at 17 and having to stay at home was sad, but she’ll have many opportunities to do it later on and the most important thing at this stage is to get a good education.