I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

i do think that if at all possible parents should pay the loan top up

Another thing is will be DD manage living away with other people in noisy places etc? Just wondering because of your comment re the interviews. My friends Dd struggled with the housing and aoxial situation massively and ended up coming home. Things like food stealing in the halls, loud parties and pressure to party etc. Or is she looking at individual accommodation.

If your dd’s strength is in computer programming then there are plenty of apprenticeships in that field.

Taking into account her autism and inability to secure even a part time job due to poor social skills, I think this is by far the best path for her.

Realistically i think she’d struggle to move away to university and live/ study independently at this stage.

I agree with your dh.

The idea you are in tears because your DC can't move away for university when they can go locally is just silly.

Okay I appreciate the reality check, honestly

@F0XCUBs does your DS not want them to aspire better? Really do your research . I wouldn't waste money on a Mickey Mouse degree at a third date Uni (sorry if I offend anyone). There are way of getting funds eg you can get a loan yourself to cover the shortfall

A lot depends on which area of the country you are in. If you are in the wild of Scotland your choices for a local university are obviously limited. If you live near a major city many have at least 2 universities within touching distance. Please don't encourage her to compromise on the quality of her degree course if there is something she genuinely wants to do.

I think people are commenting here based on their Uni experiences and not the new world of university life where even the cheapest accommodation even in northern towns can be £150 per week.

It’s more the idea that you’re so distraught but don’t seem to have done any planning for it

I know. I knew I would get this response too. I am crap at it all

Rather than wring your hands and wail 'woe is me', how about actually finding out some facts.

Your dc will be entitled to over £6k of maintenance loan. If she selected her uni and accommodation sensibly (Sheffield for example has halls at £4500 - there is less demand for cheaper halls btw), that would leave her £1500 a year - £150 a month during term time. Even if you could only manager £150 a month (ie the amount your food bill would go down) that would be enough for her to live in without too much difficulty.

DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that.

Fortunately, in the 21st century, in England, fathers do not get to decide where their children study.

This thread is deeply disappointing …

Look at the prices for a range of unis I remember when I was looking my mum really wanted me to go to Cardiff at £60 a week! Instead I chose Surrey at £100 a week! But there are quite a few differences.

Another option could be gap year and your daughter can save hard. I know you say she’s not been able to get a job but I’m sure she’s find something for a gap year it’s always hard to find that first job.

Also, uni isn’t the be all and end all. I went because I felt my parents expected it but actually there’s loads of fantastic school leaver programmes out there which I wish I’d had at least researched before deciding uni was for me.

If DD1 is autistic she may find that the change of going to uni and living on her own for the first time is too much anyway.

She may prefer to stay at home and commute to uni.

I've not RTFT but just wanted to say, we're not rolling in it, nor are we on the breadline, and our daughter is in her 2nd year at university. In London. It's totally possible.

We pay her phone bill and contribute £150 per month to her living expenses. That's it. She pays her own rent with her loan and by working. She doesn't get the full maintenance loan, but does get an NHS bursary as she's doing a health care course.

He earns £30 I earn £20

Sorry to be dim but how do you ‘release equity’ without remortgaging? I know there are some products for older people but equity release is always some form of debt secured on the property isn’t it?

Oxbridge is the same price as any other university.

Both of my DC managed fine while away from home at uni, with loans and part-time jobs. We chipped in with as much as we could afford (which wasn't much more than some pocket money really). Neither child ran up any further debt, but it's fair to say that neither spent more than a minimum on "extras" (clothes, entertainment, phones etc) while they were at uni. It is very possible, it just takes a bit of belt-tightening.

Can you all save up during a gap year?

My ds has really benefited from the living away from home aspect as we’re from a small town. For him, going to a more local uni would have been just another educational building to learn in and life would feel no different.