I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

Yes, my younger cousin is currently at university, she started last year after taking a year out to do exactly what I said above- get a job, practice those skills. She also has autism. She has been allocated a mentor as well as told there is a support group for students with autism, sounds great in theory yes?

Her “mentor” touched base with her on day 1 to say hello, here I am, this is where my office is if you need me, these are my office hours.

She didn’t hear from her mentor after that for 3 months, and only heard from her again when she reached out for help with coursework.

The mentors are not 121, there isn’t the capacity for that, they are a “get in touch if you need me” mentor. Not a “I’ll check in with you every day” mentor.

So as I said, if DD can’t ask for help from a college she’s familiar with, do you think she’s going to attend the office hours of someone she doesn’t know to ask for help?

My cousins parents have attempted to complain about this because the mentor was made out to be much more helpful than this. The universities response being that the mentor is to assist with learning when asked, they’re available to help and answer questions but they don’t have the time or man power to provide daily 121 support to multiple students.

So you need to look at the reality and think about if DD can cope with that right now. If not, take a year to get her confidence up, get a part time job to do this plus earn money, encourage her to ask a shop assistant where an item is, practice interviewing etc. This is what we did with my cousin and without that year to prepare, I dread to think how her first year of uni would have gone.

This isn’t a bursary - it’s only available to pay for equipment/transport. There’s an additional bursary if someone receives PIP etc but I’m not sure if a student has to qualify for the bursary first before applying.

DS15 wants to and is capable of university. He’s already decided he wants to go to Birmingham as that is local to us. We can’t afford uni so we’ve said he’s going to need to stay local and commmute. Honestly I think this is almost always the most sensible option for low income families. The need to explore other towns/cities can come after graduation.

^^and that is the sole reason I moved them 200 miles across the country 12 years ago from the incredibly rural county I grew up in. Because city living offers opportunities rural living does not.

Additional borrowing is one thing but don’t do equity release

Don’t remortgage your house for this!!! Doing an apprenticeship is an amazing way to get paid to learn and you can do so many things these days. It’s not like back in the day when it was only trades like plumbing. They could be AHPs, go into management, IT. So many options.

I’m sure I’m echoing others here but with a loan of 6400ish, there are plenty of unis where you can secure accommodation for that. Give her £50 a week to feed herself to start with and encourage a job. My DC earn £400-£800 a month on a zero hours contract most of which they save as not big going out people.

I think there is something liberating in not having the bank of Mum and Dad involved in your choices.

DS16 has been thinking for the last couple of years about his plan for Uni. He has looked into apprenticeships and which subjects afford the best bursaries.

I can see how much more independent he is than his peers because he has ownership of his life.

Yes yes agree with this - vey supportive. Highly underrated uni IMHO

The maintenance element of the student loan is over 9k a year.
Realistically, it's only the first year (halls) when that's not going to cover the majority of costs. In second year and beyond, 9k is plenty in many parts of the country to cover rent and most living costs.
However, your DC will likely have to do paid work - term time and/or holidays - either to make up the difference or just to give themselves a better standard of living.

My parents weren't able to contribute when I went to uni 15+ years ago when my maintenance loan was under 5k. I deliberately chose a university in a cheaper part of the country, chose the cheapest halls, and worked in term time and full time in all the holidays. I also took a year out before uni and saved up quite a significant amount of money - meaning costs for my first year (the most expensive one) was sorted.

There are plenty of jobs for students and always will be. If your daughter is struggling to find work as she has autism it may be worth looking at jobs in other sectors. My husband is autistic and worked as a commercial cleaner during university - he loved it as he didn't have to speak to anyone; bar work or tutoring would be his idea of hell.

Basically, if there's a will there's a way. Students in similar and worse situations manage every day and your children will too.

Frankly, if your DD doesn't know what she wants yet, then she is probably better to do any job going (probably a series of them) before she decides on a career. Most people will be working for 40 to 45 years, so it really isn't terrible if there's a false start.

I completely agree with this especially if you have a good solid amount of unis nearby like you seem to! We’re In a similar location (children much much smaller) and any of the west mids unis or unis in commutable distance will be where ours most likely end up.

my work place now offer graduate apprentice programmes. Degree awarded through a reputable uni and you earn onside and get work experience…it’s a win all around if you can secure that. Think the starting salary is 17-18k , not a huge amount, but bloody good going for an 18 year old

DS’s rent is about to be £95 a week for his 2nd yr at Leicester - £3990 over 42 weeks- uni hall on campus sharing with 5 good friends - £2k less than he paid in his first year in a uni hall there!

There is a difference between managing and thriving though, isn't there? While there is definitely help out there as PP have mentioned, it would be helpful if your DD - and you - were more prepared too.

I'm another one who thinks that a year out is an excellent idea.

A year out gives you and DD enough time to get your finances in order, and to think about the different options.

A year out would give you time to draw up a to-do list, and to visit different universities. Also, your DD would have her results so less uncertainty for her re acceptance.

It doesn't matter that you weren't organised or didn't know - you do now. Lots of students take a year out. And I think that it could give your DD a bit of time to gain experience and mature. As she strikes out on her own, she's going to have to learn to ask for help, and that's going to be a huge step for her by the sounds of things. A little bit more life experience really would benefit her.

There are lots of online opportunities that your DD could explore if she can't get a physical job (check out the Money Matters section here on MN - in particular the earn £10 per day thread). I pay my mortgage by working online as a copywriter. It's a brilliant option if you're autistic and don't thrive on lots of social contact in a day to day job.

I mean this gently, but your posts seem very absolute, even for things you haven't thoroughly checked out - such as the apprenticeship. Don't dismiss things before you've at least tried to apply. It's good to be realistic but it doesn't hurt to try!

Also, I know you've answered this already but I was someone else who got the distinct impression that you may be neurodivergent yourself. It presents so very differently in women, and especially in those of us who were diagnosed late and have spent a lifetime coping. It's none of my business but it might be useful to you to look at both autism and ADHD in adult females. With a DD who has been formally diagnosed, it's worth considering - especially as you seem quite overwhelmed with fairly straightforward stuff (I'm speaking as someone who also regularly feels overwhelmed by even the most basic things despite being an outwardly professional and confident person!)

For reference, I'm autistic/ADHD and my DC are both diagnosed too. I completely get that it's even more complicated when you have neurodivergent DC, which is why it's helpful to be really prepared before she takes the plunge.

OP I've only read this far so apologies if someone has addressed this. With those predicted grades your DD should be aiming much higher than those universities (no snobbery here, I work in a similarly ranking one to a couple of those mentioned!) She could go to a v good uni if she gets those grades. Plenty of other campus unis around.

Look at what support there is for first generation students under widening participation schemes. I know it's daunting, especially when you haven't been through the process yourself.

Makes me so angry that education is really the preserve of the rich here. We're fortunate enough to have other nationalities and we are moving away so that our kids can go to a university if they do wish.
This is a bit random but there are English language higher education establishments that in other countries that you can study remotely with, and they work out much cheaper. Otherwise, I would echo people suggesting spending a year saving money and /or going to a commutable institution. Best of luck

She can work while studying. And take loans. Nothing is impossible. Needs planning and determination. Many students do this, I did.

CompSci degrees are hard-core maths with a bit of programming based on my DS (going into Y3 of compsci degree), ie more about the logic of programming languages. So also look at software engineering degrees if DD enjoys programming.

Second thing is that DS has a remote job for an overseas company that found him through a slightly niche gaming platform. Works the hours he wants and very well paid. This kind of thing might suit your DD if she’s not cut out for customer facing jobs in hospitality or supermarkets.

I know this might not be a popular thing to say, but not all universities are created equal and going to the local uni, if it’s not well respected for the specific course, may not be worthwhile if it won’t get her a job. There’s no point in saving money if the overall money spent on the loan won’t help.

You need to approach this issue systematically. Look through the best universities for her course first. Consider if she would prefer/better suit a campus uni or non campus uni and narrow the list by that. She also MUST visit. You’d be surprised how preferences change on actually seeing a place.

Then look at likely accommodation costs. If you think they can’t be covered, consider applying for university but deferring and using her year out to earn and save money. If she’s bright but struggles with eye contact, a service industry job might not be for her - she could join a temp agency and do some basic office work perhaps?

During that time she can also apply for an apprenticeship. A competitive role doesn’t mean the individual needs to be competitive, it only means that lots of people apply. I imagine in computing/coding companies care far more about someone’s talent than they do about whether they are super confident or seem like competitive people.

Good luck, OP.

I have just googled 'best unis for computer science uk'

All the usual Russell group near the top on a lot of the lists.

Southampton uni was mentioned a few times.

You need to actually start making lists.
Start with the course and make a list
Then make that list smaller by just looking at campus unis if that's what she wants.
Then start looking at how expensive that uni /accommodation is.

Just by doing the above you should get your list down to 10-15 options and you can rank it by cost.

Stop catastrophising and start thinking logically and making lists.

Also see if you can get a meeting with the careers teacher at school / college. You won't be the first parents they've dealt with, with no first hand uni experience.

But the DD has already been rejected for a McDonald’s job, plus supermarket ones.

@Flatulence
The maintenance element of the student loan is over 9k a year.
Realistically, it's only the first year (halls) when that's not going to cover the majority of costs. In second year and beyond, 9k is plenty in many parts of the country to cover rent and most living costs.

She won’t get the full £9k, though - that’s the issue. Maintenance loan amount is based on household income. I think a lot of people (including OP) weren’t / aren’t necessarily aware of that.

I personally think the full maintenance loan should be available to all students, without reference to household income, but that sadly isn’t where we are.

Both my niece and my friend's son got temporary jobs in the holidays. My niece went to a marketing company which has helped as she is doing a travel/tourism degree. My friend's son is studying law so he went to a temp agency specialising in law firms and got a clerical job. Pays the travel expenses - both opted to commute from home. My niece did do halls the first year but found most people went home at the weekend when she wasn't working, having been at work for two or three evenings a week. So she started commuting and seeing her 'old' friends more frequently. Best of both worlds.

My niece also works as a tour guide for the university. Lots of universities employ their students in temp roles.

I also remember a young woman on the radio a couple of years back who books into a Travelodge instead of halls or digs. Her course only needs her in for three days a week and she did the sums, working out that she could save money by having a regular contract for the three nights with the hotel (plus a free breakfast!)

All sorts of permutations.

I don't know why she picked those unis other than campus and course. She only wanted to choose ones she'd definitely get into so now I look at the required grades. They are BBC etc. lower than predicted
Grades. I'm looking at accommodation costs now.
Does it matter if it's not the best uni if she doesn't care?

It’s worth checking employment statistics for the courses. You might think a graduate in computer science would have no problem getting a job, but I know a few who really struggled to find anything after graduating, never mind anything well paid.

But the DD has already been rejected for a McDonald’s job, plus supermarket ones.

She didn't even get an interview