I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

If accommodation says 143 per week, how much is that for the year please anyone ?

But you want her to get a job that befits her degree, even if it's not earning squillions working for Google, yes? Otherwise, what's the point of a degree?
Because of the obsession with everyone 'learning to code' the market even for entry level jobs is flooded. Even those paying a bit above minimum wage, from people looking to get a foot in the door. Not just those highly paid jobs with a starting salary equal to your household income.

Also there are always multiple rounds of offshoring, job role changes, etc etc. There are tons of articles saying we need more IT people so you'd think any graduate would walk into a job but that's not true. Personally I think it's propaganda so people can continue to make lots of money with IT training courses, certifications etc etc.

So whether your daughter likes it or not she's going to have to compete. It is even worse in IT because there's no set progression path. Unlike accounting you pass all the exams and become a chartered accountant there are so many careers in IT and every single person has a different mix of skills. You need to constantly be learning and marketing yourself. My undergraduate was in Finance and quite frankly I would have had an easier life sticking with that as once I passed the exams I could then put my feet up and coast... unlike with technology where I'm constantly needing to learn new things. I'd get bored though.

In our field a degree matters, yes but experience is more important. Computer Science graduates actually have quite a high unemployment rate because not only do companies tend to hire a lot of non-CompSci graduates into programming roles, it is also possible to graduate without having decent programming skills and systemic thinking. Because you only learn isolated bits of theory.

https://blog.gitnux.com/computer-science-employment-statistics/#:~:text=industry%20is%20growing.-,Computer%20Science%20has%20the%20highest%20gender%20imbalance%20and%20unemployment%20rate,11%25%20of%20graduates%20being%20unemployed.

Someone like your daughter who needs a bit of a push would be far better focusing on getting experience, take a bit of time and see what hands-on like an apprenticeship or something she can get. Maybe try things like Code First girls. If after a gap year she still decides to go make sure you get a course that does an industrial placement.

But don't rush into a degree thinking it will be her ticket to a good job. Take your time.

£40 a month pocket money.

Which is a fantastic saving if you don’t need to get a student loan at all and have plenty of money to pay for more expensive rents.

Then there seems little point in her going to Uni and racking up huge debt for probably not much at all. Some just aren't Uni material and you could do all the spadework yourself, pay out thousands and still find she leaves after a term with nothing achieved

Much better, surely, for her to research apprenticeships available locally ?

I understand. My dd is also like this. She knows she is different. Her ambitions are not the same as an NT person. As a Type A-mn ambitious mother, I accept my dd will know the best way to her happiness without external pressures. She would get stressed if I made her want things like an NT person. As you said, that is how she is.

Now time to support her to find and fund the thing that your dd wants.

You mentioned 4,000 courses. My dd did not even know what she wanted to do. It took countless hours showing her stuff, attending virtual open days to narrow down the course from a huge spectrum. Your dd wants to do computing. That is already half the battle won.

You can do this with her. She has done a lot unis) (applied for jobs, spoken to unis) but I think you need to continue to do this with her.

For the benefit of other posters who ask you to step back, autism had wide-reaching implications (everyone presents differently) but it is more than not just making eye contact or being socially awkward. It can negatively affect organisational skills and executive function. It can also cause anxiety and a lack of confidence.

If that’s the case then as her mum you need give her the reality check that she simply can’t do it, at least not right now.

I have never particularly had any issue asking for help but when I started uni even I was absolutely stunned by how little guidance you were given. Even little things like collecting your books, getting library access, using the different systems for exams, getting around campus, the actual work itself- it’s worlds apart from college/sixth form and you do have to ask for help otherwise you don’t get any.

If she can’t even ask for help applying to uni from a college/sixth form she’s already familiar with, then she’s not ready for uni and she can’t go.

You’d be better off spending a year off, a gap year, and have her get a job, build her confidence and she’ll be able to save some money in the process so that next year she is both financially and physically ready to move away for uni if that’s what she wants to do.

Depends whether the course the kids want to do is available at the local uni's.

Take a look at some of the Good University Guides which have been published over the last couple of weeks in the Times, Guardian etc. Each one will have different rankings as they all use different criteria. This will help you understand things a little more and will hopefully increase your optimism.

She can automatically rule out universities in London and those expecting A stars or further maths. That will make things more manageable. There are good, practical degrees around the South Coast.

I think every school when the children turn about 11 or 12 should get all the parents in one evening to tell them about university entrance. Even in the 1980s when I went I got a tiny tiny minimm grant and my parents due to income were expected to make it up to the maximum grant.; In a sense we still have the same system today but not everyone seems to be told about it once the children reach secondary school. It is no problem for very low earners as they get the very large full sum of £10k+ but plenty of the better off only get 4300 loan and need parents to make up the difference to the sum the badly off get.
Some people take a gap year and work full time near home to make money to use at university. Others get holiday jobs. Others manage on very little.

By the way Oxbridge is one of the cheapest options because the terms are only 8 weeks and the rents are heavily subsidised.

I was prepared to help my 5 because they had reasonable plans ( 4 are lawyers including 2 who qualify next year). However 50% of students don't go and some that go to university stay at home. There are also age 18 apprenticeships even for things like law - solicitor apprenticeships take 6 years from age 18 https://www.lawcareers.net/Starting-Out/Law-Apprenticeships-Guide/WhatIsALegalApprenticeship

*If that’s the case then as her mum you need give her the reality check that she simply can’t do it, at least not right now.

I have never particularly had any issue asking for help but when I started uni even I was absolutely stunned by how little guidance you were given. Even little things like collecting your books, getting library access, using the different systems for exams, getting around campus, the actual work itself- it’s worlds apart from college/sixth form and you do have to ask for help otherwise you don’t get any.

If she can’t even ask for help applying to uni from a college/sixth form she’s already familiar with, then she’s not ready for uni and she can’t go.

You’d be better off spending a year off, a gap year, and have her get a job, build her confidence and she’ll be able to save some money in the process so that next year she is both financially and physically ready to move away for uni if that’s what she wants to do.*

That seems quite harsh. From this thread I have looked at DSA and mentors can help autistic people so they can attend uni

Look at Leicester for instance, living costs are significantly lower, Cardiff isn't too bad, Newcastle, Nottingham ... all solid universities but rent especially in the third year won't be too bad. Dd paid under £100 a week including bills in her second year at Cardiff, half what her sister paid elsewhere, her (minimum) maintenance loan covered halls just in first year. Dd spent £7600 last year, just over £8k in first year.

GCHQ have an excellent degree apprenticeship in computer science and they hugely value neurodivergent applicants and women. May be worth a look.

Good luck...

The other option is the OU which gives good quality degrees though I appreciate doesn't involve moving away from home.

It's usually a 40-week contract so £5700 or so. That's not especially cheap - there are deffo unis with cheaper halls than that

Best option though is a gap year, get a job somewhere like McDonald's and they let you transfer to your university city. Dd worked there (she's also autistic)

University accommodation is usually approx 40 weeks of the year so whatever the weekly cost just multiply by 40.

Hi OP, 2 things. Firstly just to add to the other people saying they never got any financial help and still managed to study away from home. It really wasn't a thing amongst people I knew to have uni bills covered by parents. In fact, "learning how to support yourself" was one of the commonly cited benefits of going to uni! Granted I went to uni 18 years ago when things were cheaper, and I also didn't struggle to find work. I worked term time in a call centre, then in the holidays I worked in a shop during the day and a pub during the evening. I'm sure you could work out a middle ground where you help her out a bit and she works a bit and you cover a bit from savings.

Secondly, I work as a developer and I don't have a Comp Sci degree, I didn't do an apprenticeship or a boot camp or anything else. I just studied a lot in my own time, made a portfolio of projects I'd done, and then applied. Again, not an identical situation as I'm much older than your daughter with a work history behind me, but there definitely isn't just one path into programming. In fact, not a single person I work with has a comp Sci degree, and only 1 joined the team via an apprenticeship, the rest of us are just self taught.

Okay so based on income, your DD would qualify for roughly £6500 as a maintenance loan. On top of that, she could qualify for DSA (worth looking into) and PIP (I think you would be best applying even if you think she wouldn’t get it). Hertfordshire uni (I went there so was easiest to look at), costs £136pw in accommodation. On top of that, she would need money for food, clothes, socialising. The loan would totally cover accommodation, plus £20 a month for extras. So providing £250 a month would easily make it affordable… with research, it looks like it’s pretty affordable?

Go to o a local uni, lots of people are doing this now, for the same reasons but aim to spend the final year in a student house share. Start her saving for that now. And congratulations on getting into uni.

It's not a new thing. Six formers have always had to save for uni if they aren't mega rich. Most people get a weekend job during their A levels and save, then work full time every holiday back home, or get a job whilst at uni, or both. Some also do a year of working to save. It's no different to saving to move out. Get your DD to keep applying for stuff, she will have to get a job eventually, even if she does go to uni, otherwise what's the point?

OK good, it looks like the finances will be manageable if you (parents) and she (daughter) research and plan carefully.

The next hurdle is to explore what her coping abilities will be due to her autism and what options are best. My eldest who has just gone to uni has ASD and ADHD and initially we thought he wouldn't go to uni. Then when he showed an interest we encouraged him to look local/commutable, but he's ended up going "away" to uni as his coping abilities have really developed in the last couple of years. If you think your daughter will struggle away from home, local might still be better if she can do the right course there but you need to bring her into the conversation ASAP. It doesn't even have to be your most local, just commutable.

I worked in care and retail during my first degree, rented a little bedsit (not specifically student accommodation, I couldnt afford halls) and travelled an hour by bus (couldnt afford the train, no tubes in south London) to uni. No top up by my parents.

Gap year and work, I was in the same position and got a supermarket job in my gap year. Saved £8k which covered first years uni accommodation (I did choose posh accommodation though) and nights out. Then I worked part time and this money got saved for year 2. There will be a job she can do - pubs still take pot washers/glass collectors, cleaning jobs, entry level office job (many can be done remotely these days too). Reeling these off as they are jobs my autistic sibling has done before. These will help to develop the social skills she will really need for moving away for university.

Alternatively she could apply to local uni and do year 1, get a job (it’s not hard to get a job on campus at the cafe/library/etc) and save up between you all for her to afford a transfer elsewhere for year 2 & 3

My dd (autistic) coped with a transition to uni and moving from home at the same time. But she went to a local university and lives outside the house in student accommodation. A luxury I appreciate but she wanted to move out. That said, she has really blossomed living with her friends. I am so happy for her.

She herself chose the local university. I think she sensed she would need support, especially on admin. We also got DSA support like an ASD mentor and study skills suport to give her that back up at uni.

OP, so long as it is relatively easy for her to come home or for you to go to her, it is helpful. Dd comes home once every 3 weeks, but it is us asking her to come home, often to sort out admin. She would not if she had her way, lol.

Your dd can do it but you have to scaffold the support for her, based on what you think her needs are.

I agree with @AmaryllisNightAndDay that an apprenticeship is harder for her to transition to. That has real responsibilities. Uni is not as structured as Sixth Form/College but it is still relatively responsibility free.

Once she gets a CompSc job on graduation (I am sure she will find one), she will be fine. Uni is also for growing as a person. More than just academic or to get a job, it will be good for your dd to meet a wider spectrum of people and grow in confidence in her abilities and herself.

Is also add the Leicester had decent support for additional needs though my knowledge is pre covid.