I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

ok, fair enough. The PIP application process is not for the faint hearted.

@Giveituphq I think you're being harsh on the OP, and yes, judgemental. She hasn't deliberately not saved or prepped for this - she was simply unaware that parents were expected to.
@F0XCUBs - please don't beat yourself up about this. In 2021 a study revealed that 25% of parents and 1 in 3 would-be university students were unaware of the true costs of higher education. So you're not alone by any means.
I first went to university in the 70's, when fees and how you were funded were totally and utterly different to what they are now.
I never gave it any further thought until my daughter got her uni place in 2009, and neither of us was at all prepared for the financial implications.
There were other things going on within the family which took up my time and attention, but nevertheless we too were totally ignorant. She had part-time jobs throughout uni, and still got a 1st.
When my son went to uni a few years later, we were prepared as we knew then what to expect and plan for.
In fact Martin Lewis said in 2019 that the government should be making it explicit that the grants and loans in no way would cover students' outgoings, and parents were expected to contribute, instead of making vague hints.
Parents aren't told, just as you and I weren't.
I don't have any suggestions that haven't already been made, but solutions can be found, and go easy on yourself!

In the nicest way possible OP … this isn’t about you. It is about your daughter. It is what she wants.

If she wants to move away to a uni then she needs to the research.

There’s absolutely no point you being overwhelmed and stressed and comparing 4000 courses.

Take a break from it.

Is there pastoral/careers support at your DDs college/sixth form? If so, can you and her book a meeting for support and information.

You say your DD is very good at saving money. How about she has a gap year to try and find some suitable employment and save as much as she can to put towards maintenance costs.

Even if she has applied for hundreds of jobs and hasn’t gotten anywhere she needs to keep going. Many autistic people are more than capable of getting a job.

Please don’t let her see you cry or get stressed over this. You need to be supportive, sensible and proactive.

Can’t they take a gap year, get a job and save for uni?

Probably not doable now since Brexit unfortunately

Look up “UK University Rankings Computer science”. Exclude universities in London from that list due to cost. Exclude any which want higher grades than AAB. Work through the others - you look up accommodation costs on their website, while your daughter reads the prospectus and has a think about the modules/course structure. Go to an open day for your top 3-4, or just visit one weekend and drive around the area/walk around the campus (they are open to the public).

You should come up with 4-5 options you can afford, which your DD likes and which are reasonably well ranked. Apply for those.

Your DD will need to work in the holidays, but it will be easier to find work when she is over 18 and can work full time. She can also defer and take a year out to save up if she prefers to do it that way - again, much easier to find a job as an office temp or something when you are available full time. It sounds like if she got a full time NMW job in an office next summer, she’d save most of her earnings, which would be a nice cushion for uni the following year.

This is what I did and that was 20 years ago! My parents were very anti me going to university because of the costs and because my dad "had managed to work his way up the civil service without needing to go to uni" 🙄

I was incredibly shy and introverted, but managed to get myself out there and applied for all sorts of admin jobs (didn't tell them I was off to uni in a year) and got an entry level civil service position. In the end, I think I took around £8k with me, which definitely helped supplement my loan. No help from my parents.

She's probably more likely able to get a full-time job than a part-time job, particularly with qualifications good enough for uni (and with the lack of competition from those who have already gone to uni).

You could take on additional work outside of your job. I had to work in a pub two nights a week and a youth club two nights a week ontop of a full-time teaching job when I bought my first house. It made a significant difference to my salary because it was all 'extra'. If you did that for a year until she does her A levels, plus her gap year, you could save quite a pot.

Most people in my country go to a local uni - they may offer an Erasmus year where you can go abroad or your dc could go to a uni further away for their post grad? If your DD is autistic she may be better off living at home while she settles in too?

I agree with this. My autistic dd moved out and lived in student accommodation. It has been the making of her. She made a bunch of friends and has a great social life. I am so glad she found her tribe.

With her condition, uni (or an apprenticeship) is as much about building up self-esteem and social skills as the academic side. I am sure some on this thread will think she is doing a mickey mouse degree (creative) but she loves it. It is a bit difficult to get her to come home to visit but that is good.

I'd try to find a way.

Well, careers don't 'need' degrees but because so many people have one employers have made a requirements, because someone decided that 50% of our young people should go to university.
Having said that. You don't NEED to go away to uni. OP's issue is that her daughter wants to leave home which is completely unnecessary. You can stay home and do a degree even with distance learning, all of it paid for by loans that you don't pay back until you earn above a certain amount.

Either few people go and it's fully funded, or everyone goes and they have to pay. We can't have both, You decide.

It's very tough for parents having to top up.

Take a bit of time to research though. We are in the SE and my DD is at Sheffield Uni. She's just gone into 3rd year but I think her halls in 1st year were around £6.5k minimum.

I think based on £50k income your DD will get £6.5k loan. So that should cover accommodation. Then she has some savings and perhaps you can top her up a bit too?

The student house DD is in costs around £6k per year including bills and internet. It's in a nice student area, 6 bedrooms, kitchen, living room, 2 bathrooms, garden.

I wonder if you look at some Northern cities you might find it's more affordable than you think? I know you have DS to think about but could he find a part time job now to start saving up?

There are sometimes jobs within the University and these might suit your DD once she's there?

Good luck with everything.

Firstly they dont have to go to university, its not the only option for future careers. Unfortunately far too many young people go and essentially end up with a degree that doesnt specifically qualify them in anything and they end up in lower paid jobs than a 'degree' would ideally give

Secondly, if they want to, or need to for the career they are aiming for, a local uni and working part time is more than doable, even if they wanted to rent outside of the home too. Again, there is this expectation that young adults are supported by their parents after becoming adults, why? They need to be working to provide themselves with an income to get through. This may not be applicable or appropriate for your daughter OP and there may be grants or benefits which would support her that you can look into.

If your kids are bright they will be fine. They can get a job which will allow them to a degree while they work.

It will be the best thing for them and they won't have any debt.

Also OP you need to get over this mindset of your daughter not being 'competitive'.
Surely the point of the degree is to get a good job. Those will be 'competitive'. Were you planning for your daughter to get a degree then do something with low pay and shit working conditions? What's the point of even getting it then?

Her school or college will help her apply. Why don't you ring them and ask for an appointment with their Head of Post-16 or Head of Careers (or whatever they call them). Explain the situation and ask for help and advice. It's a really big thing for a school/college to help students achieve success in Higher Ed.

OP have you actually done the calculation for your recommended contribution? I just ran your income and family circumstances through the MSE calculator and the annual top up payable by parents is 3470 which would be £289 a month. The maintenance loan should cover most of the accommodation if you/ they choose carefully.

My son has just started at Birmingham and is only entitled to the minimum loan but its going to cover almost all his rent (which includes utilities). We are giving the recommended top up (he knows he is lucky we can afford this) spread over 10 months as he won't be there July and August. It works out at £120 a week for food, books and socialising which seems a LOT due someone with no other bills! If money was tight and we could only give him less I reckon he could still get by on half that. For you that would mean £145 a month or a bit more if you could stretch to it. Do you think that's possible?

I'm just saying that she isn't very competitive. I hoped she would get a job based on her programming skills. She doesn't want to be rich. I'm just stating a fact. That is how she is .

OP before you pay someone, first try the college/sixth form again. And not you asking but your DD needs to approach them herself and ask for a sit down to go through this info. Every college/sixth form has a “careers adviser” which usually have links with local uni’s as well as contacts from most uni’s for course information as well as info students are more interested in (living situation, living costs, local area). As well as having this knowledge they also will know your DD at least academically and will be able to plan how best to help her, but she really needs to ask for this help herself and ask until she gets it.

Life is going to be full of moments where she has to go after what she wants, if she wants to live somewhere else that badly she should be willing to badger the sixth form for help choosing & applying as much as needed, rather than having her mum ring them up and ask.

Life is going to be full of moments where she has to go after what she wants, if she wants to live somewhere else that badly she should be willing to badger the sixth form for help choosing & applying as much as needed, rather than having her mum ring them up and ask.

I get that everyone is saying she needs to do it herself. I do think this is something she struggles with. She wouldn't ask for help

Gap year to earn and save some money. It's the only way my children will be able to afford to go to uni. My son is currently on his gap year, my daughter is just starting year 11 so got a bit of time but she is not sure if she wants to do uni.
They don't need to go straight away. If you can't afford it now, then you'll have to delay it to save money. I'm putting money aside now for my son as well while he is on his gap year. He will also need to get a part time job when he starts uni next year.

She lives in a bit of a dream. She visited the local uni who apparently told them all not to worry about money because it will all be covered by loans and when I have mentioned that this isn't the case she tells me that the people at uni said it is

She has autism, and she hasn't been able to find a job, though good on her for trying. How realistic is it that she is going to cope with the transition to university and moving away from home at the same time?

Your DS might think about a degree apprenticeship, but I wouldn't advise that for your DD, and certainly not with a move away from home on top. Having said that, some apprenticeships are better structured than others. The ones I know about (in Scoltand not England, so maybe they work diferently) need a mature attitude and good time management, balancing work and study and life, and coping with two very different social environments (student and workplace) Look for a company with a big apprenticeship scheme and good support so she's not isolated or left to flounder.

Remortgaging (or releasing equity or whetever you want to call it) just so that she can go away is very risky. Your DD is fragile and her university career may not go to plan.

And it's not wrong for her to simply go to a local university; she can move into a hall or rented room later on as she finds her feet. The local university may even turn out to be her best option, with good support for students who have additoonal needs.

And it's OK for her to take life one step at a time.

Yes we could do that!

We could do £250

OK @F0XCUBs have now read the thread and I do agree you need to do some practical things rather than wringing your hands on the internet, appealing tho this may be.

Lots of others have echoed my point about expenses of a teenage child - I still think this is valid even if you say she doesn't cost you much. Your expense will go down by whatever you do spend on her (£40 pocket money - is that per week??) so you can give her that.

I agree that £500 pm is a mad amount on top of a loan of £6k+. Most unis will have sc accommodation for less than £6k (here's Lboro for £4700 https://www.lboro.ac.uk/services/accommodation/our-halls/falkner-eggington/ here is detail of numerous Uni of Sheffield accom with shared bathroom at less that £5k https://www.sheffield.ac.uk/accommodation/prospective/rents - just a couple of examples) so with £500 pm she would have £125 or more pw for food and going out. That's more than anyone needs tbh.

I reckon £40 is OK for food, say £20 for going out; certainly she could get by with £50-70 pw on top of her loan, or £200-280 pm. Does that sound feasible?

Hard facts are what are needed here, not some random figure quoted at you by an online calculator. Do a budget with her and see what she would buy to eat and how much it would cost; what else would she spend money on and how much? Bear in mind that f you budget carefully on halls, she would also have about £1k loan left, or £25 pw for a 40-week year.