I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

You can get PIP as a student… have you applied for that?

Are you autistic too op?

You seem very overwhelmed with this whole process! Struggling to organise things and daunted by the info available and now breaking down and feeling defeated.

Her school or college should be giving her advice and guidance through each step.
Are there members of your wider family who can help or advise?

Try not to catastrophise!

I'm not sure that this is the case for vocational degrees. More those offering academic routes for people after the more traditional professions (law, accountancy graduate schemes etc).It sounds like OPs daughter is more looking for the vocational route doing computing... real life experience and employment contacts will be more valuable than the prestige of the university's name, for her aspirations at least.

Why won't she get PIP? Did you try and fail? Or are you not bothering at all without even checking the criteria.

I am very familiar with PIP forms through work. I just don't thrill she struggles enough with things to qualify

haven't you posted this before? they will both just have to go locally, It's not the end of the world it's just life. Nothing wrong with it

I don't think I am but I am certainly overwhelmed by this whole process and now I'm crying again!

Having a degree is a minimum requirement for a lot of computing jobs

https://www.theuniguide.co.uk/advice/choosing-a-course

Good guides.

OP you may also want to look for courses with a placement year, those are very good for employability.
That also cuts down your choices considerably

I spoke to college about helping her and they said they would sit down with her but they didn't

A few years ago this may have worried me as well. But these days unless your DC are dead set on a career that definitely needs a degree, an apprenticeship is probably a better option anyway. They can always do further study later down the line. When I left (grammar) school we weren’t presented any options other than uni and although the life experience was great, my degree wasn’t really worth it. Even though I got free tuition and a grant I didn’t have to pay back.

OP if you are THAT overwhelmed have you considered paying a third party education consultant?

https://www.studentcrowd.com/page/cheapest-uk-cities-for-student-accommodation

My kids lived at home and went to local uni
the loan covered the fees and enough to manage on ,with us housing and feeding them .
it was fine ..
no one missed out by not moving away .
both got a first 😄

OP if you are THAT overwhelmed have you considered paying a third party education consultant?

Oh my god what is this? Is that a thing?

Maybe we can do practice interviews! Great idea

It is indeed an excellent idea, but unless you have hiring experience I'd recommend not trying to do it yourself; you need someone who can offer support and some atmosphere of challenge, rather than "it's just mum and dad"

Fortunately this will certainly be available in your area if she wants to search - and I'd definitely leave this one to her since the drive has to come at some point

My son is also at university studying away (I am in the south east) and he has a diagnosis of autism as does my eldest (also went to uni) They both went to campus uni's because it suited their needs.

He qualified for dsa (he got equipment the first year and money the 2nd) and I use his pip to do his shopping etc. He has just moved off campus.

Don't write off pip because it's difficult. You can't on one hand say she can't get a job because she has autism then sat on the other she won't get PIP. There are lots of charities and normally local help groups that can do the form with you.

If she really wants to ' go away' let him do some leg work and work out where she fancies. This will help with the realities of what you can and can't do.

What about Canterbury (Kent uni) if you are south east?

https://www.independenteducationconsultants.co.uk/choosing-the-best-uk-university-course
Example : but choose a reputable one. Thestudentroom website has some threads on this. Normally they are for international students who have no clue about the U.K system but I don't see why you can't hire them. You need to pay though,
There also charities that offer free mentoring for instance. If you contact them maybe they can put you in touch with people who can do it for free
https://www.seo-london.org/programmes-industries

Unless you pay though nobody is going to handhold you throughout the process they can only give bits of advice but that seems to overwhelm rather than help as you keep crying so it would probably be money well spent for you.

What about your daughter? Does she have no opinions? Why are you doing all of the work? ND or not, she must have some ideas, not just a vague 'uni in a different place'.

If she stays home and gets a good degree she will get a good job and be able to move out anyway, with less student debt, so this isn't a bad idea. What she wants isn't necessarily the best things for her.

@gettingolderbutcooler Oxbridge does not mean more expensive accommodation. My nephew is at Cambridge and paying similar to what my son paid last year for comparable digs near Sheffield uni.

From your list of uni's, Surrey is good.
Your daughter's predictions are high so make sure she applies for some high ranked universities.
Look further afield - Sheffield is well regarded and not expensive. Ranked 11th in the country for computer science.
www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/league-tables/rankings/computer-science

Open days are happening this term - no idea why you think you've missed them.
Sheffield was at half term last year.

Apply for apprenticeships alongside UCAS. It's not either or in terms of applications.
Yes they are competitive but it doesn't mean she won't get one. Much of the selection process will be technical.Train her in holding conversations and team work.

Start saving now - I started putting £100 a month away when DS was in year 13. Yes late, but it was ready to soften the blow of uni. Turns out he got an apprenticeship, but I've carried on so I've got more of a cushion for DC 2 and 3.
If you can then afford to top her up by £150 a month and she earns another £150, that's reasonable.

For DD job, could she look for something technical online? A friend's DS picked up programming jobs. Play to her strengths.
And also apply everywhere! DS applied for a silly number before getting his part time job. 4 is nothing. Shops will be advertising for Christmas staff soon - supermarkets, next.....and retain some seasonal staff.

Also look for bursaries on uni websites. Most likely you earn too much, but the cut off varies from place to place and is way higher than free school meals threshold.

I fill in PIP forms regularly. She can get dressed, walk, plan a route, eat etc etc

Ignore this. I saw her predicted grades after I posted this. Degree apprenticeship is what I would encourage her to go for.

It’s really bad that a family on a good income finds themselves in this situation. If careers need degrees, then businesses or government should pay for them.

I’m amazed that mumsnetters haven’t revolted against the outrageous financial burdens put on young people and their families these days.

Don’t panic it is doable! My family were in the same situation; they gave me £400 per term (£40 a week) and I worked to top this up. My loan (very basic lowest amount) did cover my
accommodation but I hunted around.

I spoke to college about helping her and they said they would sit down with her but they didn't

If there was to be any value in this, they probably felt - not unreasonably - that the request needed to come from her

Having a disabled DS myself I really do empathise with the urge to step in, OP, but sometimes it just has to be resisted

But I think very competitive? She isn't competitive

Everything is competitive these days - it being competitive is a reason to be realistic about expectations but it's no reason not to even try. If she applies she might not get something, but she will get interview experience and get to know what sort of thing they are likely to ask, what they are looking for. You can ask for feedback (some places might not give you much, others might give you more) which can help with future interviews. If she doesn't apply she definitely won't get it! (Eg something like this https://www.softwire.com/vacancy/apprentice-software-developer/)

If she needs more time to work out what to do/ where to go etc she could take a year out and try and get a job or do some volunteering if you can support her financially - this might help her to develop skills needed for securing a job (or a uni place or apprenticeship) You could see if there are code clubs or something like that nearby where she could be teaching younger kids to code. Does she do coding outside of her A levels? There will be plenty of online challenges (Advent of Code?) or courses (Raspberry Pi Foundation?) that would help show she is interested and boost her skills at the same time.