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Higher education

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Original poster

Shared housing: another housemate took DD's room

273 replies

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 14:11

DD is due to return to uni next week into a shared student house. The rooms had been allocated by lottery. However, one of the other students has moved in early and installed herself in DD's room. She is refusing to move to her own room. DD very upset by this. Landlord wont' get involved. Any idea what we should do?

OP posts:
ImAMinion · 15/09/2023 22:00

I have to say, I’ve experienced this, as my main group of uni friends were split between two houses, so 10 of us across two 5 beds.

Exact same situation happened in the other house - again a kind of lottery system but one decided to override. Person who was essentially conned out of their room (similar situation in terms of rooms being practically identical but “worst” room was ground and in theory had not so nice furniture) took the “worst” room as the Stealer refused to budge. And yeah the tension was bad, and to be honest it is a full blown sign of being entitled and probably a spoilt brat.

It’s also a first sign of what’s likely to come. The other 4 of my friends ended up signing a new contract for a 4 bedroom house by Christmas. Stealer was initially pissed then crying her eyes out and ended up with housemates she didn’t know as a last minute extra.

Thing is she pulled the room stunt because she was used to getting what she wanted and this housemate is likely the same. It’s shitty behaviour. We had a lottery in my house. One person actually volunteered for the single room to save money and one person did get a bit upset at getting the ground floor room but was honest and again agreed to strike a deal to swap over but with polite negotiation (I think she offered to pay the tv license or something). There’s ways to sort these things.

If she refuses to budge, your DD and the rest can always not sign again and find somewhere without next year…..

curaçao · 15/09/2023 22:00

Your daughter and all the other hoysemates only thought the lottery system was fair because they weren't the ones who ended up with the shit room!
Uou need to stop thinking this 'lottery' has any fairness or weight in room allocation. Different rates for better/ worse rooms would have been the way to go and someone would have probably agreed to it.I don't really blame the girl in all honesty

WetBandits · 15/09/2023 22:08

Ugh, this happened to me! We each drew a room from a hat, one girl wasn’t happy with the room she drew so we did it again and she got the same room a second time, so we left it at that.

Come moving-in day, she threw a tantrum - with tears! - and called her mum (she was 25!) who, instead of telling her not to be so ridiculous, shouted at us all down the phone that we were being cruel to her daughter and that we should let her have a different room. We didn’t. She was a bloody nightmare to live with, too.

OhcantthInkofaname · 15/09/2023 22:21

I think all of your DD roommates better lock down their possessions. She is a CF over a room think about food etc.

TizerorFizz · 15/09/2023 22:43

Obviously the girl who didn’t like her room should have said she wanted to pay less. But I guess the other 4 wouldn’t have agreed as they were getting the best rooms. This is why they need to grow up and negotiate a lower rate for this room with them taking up the short fall. All this talk of getting different housing now is an utter pipe dream. What housing? There’s a shortage in most places. Times have changed and you cannot walk out of a property. You need to find a space for yourself elsewhere and find a replacement. Hugely difficult. So negotiation is best and OP, you are over dramatizing this. Your DD does need to learn how to draw lots and ensure everyone pays a fair rent.

WonderingWanda · 15/09/2023 22:47

That's really shitty behaviour. How long are they bound by the contract? I would suggest that dd and the other girls terminate the contract as soon as possible and look for another house share without this other girl. In the mean time, try to rise above it and have nothing to do with the other girl. The bonus of a downstairs room is she can be very sociable with all the other housemates.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 15/09/2023 22:51

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 21:56

@kitchenplans
"But it wasn't fair though, was it? Because if the room offered for the price asked was reasonable, then your dd would be OK with it."

It was fair because everyone agreed to it. They all agreed not to price the rooms differently. This issue has got nothing to do with the price. When I buy a lottery ticket and don't win, I don't get my money back. When I agree to a room lottery and don't get the room I wanted, I shouldn't just take it.

Why agree to a room lottery?

Renting one bedroom flats are expensive. My daughter and her friend found a house share and she hasn't even seen her room yet. Her house mate has offered to clean her room which is nice of him. I will be eyeing him up on Sunday "Mumma bear is coming".

LilyPond2 · 15/09/2023 22:51

Many people agree to a 'lottery' on the surface, hoping they won't draw the short straw, then they do. Equally, as I said not everyone may have agreed.

The OP has specifically said that the housemate did agree to the lottery. There is no suggestion that she raised any objection to it until the result didn't go the way she was hoping! I find people's attempts to defend the housemate's behaviour very odd. I bet if the OP had posted, "My DD agreed to divvy up rooms via a lottery, but she was drawn last so decided to ignore the result and take the room she wanted anyway", everyone would be telling her that her DD sounded an unpleasant brat.

Of course everyone hopes not to draw the short straw in a lottery! But agreeing to abide by a lottery result on the basis that you'll take the result if it goes your way and ignore it if it doesn't is the sign of a sneaky and unpleasant person.

CheersToMe · 15/09/2023 23:07

Play the long game. The stealer doesn't get asked to share next year.

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 23:24

@curaçao
"Your daughter and all the other hoysemates only thought the lottery system was fair because they weren't the ones who ended up with the shit room!"

This is so wrong - they thought it was fair because they all agreed beforehand. Let's flip a coin to see who gets the last biscuit. The outcome is uneven, but the process if fair: everyone has the same chance as everyone else.

Honestly, all this talk of pricing is missing the point. What if they agreed that someone should pay more for a good room, and then on day one she just turned round and said "No, I'm paying the same as everyone else."

OP posts:
curaçao · 16/09/2023 00:09

What do you mean by moving in early? The contract has presumably started so how is that 'early'?

Pipsquiggle · 16/09/2023 07:52

This housemate sounds like a CF entitled nightmare.

Peer pressure might help her see the error of her ways, however, to pull this stunt, she might have the brass neck to ride this out.

I would absolutely not just let this go. Your DD and the rest of the house need to have robust talks with this CF.

Your DD needs to work out how far she is willing to take this from a practical and mental perspective e.g. when she moves in will she just move her stuff in to the room she was meant to get? Should she move her stuff into the lounge so it's in the way of everyone? How long would she leave it like that?

Is it likely that she will be friends with this girl even if she does the right thing?

On the lottery allocation of rooms, that is exactly how I did it with my housemates at uni and throughout my 20s. We always agreed and abided by it. There were on occasions people that agreed to take the smallest room but would pay less rent and equally people taking the largest room and paid more rent. This person is just being a CF and needs to be pulled up on it!

Pipsquiggle · 16/09/2023 07:57

curaçao · 16/09/2023 00:09

What do you mean by moving in early? The contract has presumably started so how is that 'early'?

The contract probably starts at the beginning of September but term doesn't start until next week, so this CF housemate has just moved in sooner than the rest

Pipsquiggle · 16/09/2023 09:04

Are they on a group WhatsApp?
If so, your DD could write something like

'I am moving in on Saturday. I will be moving into my room. I expect it to be empty. If it isn't empty, I will still move my stuff into that room and move anything that isn't mine into the corridor /lounge'

AliOlis · 16/09/2023 09:42

Op, you haven't answered - how does your dd know what room the other girl has taken if the other girl is the only one currently in the house?

Issummernearlyover · 16/09/2023 10:00

This happened to me. I walked in to find another girl's stuff in my room, dirty tissues littering the place and a mess. I removed all her things and put them in the flat's hallway, so completely safe. I then claimed back my room after a massive clean.

I never saw her. She took her things and moved into another house share.

It certainly didn't cause a disciplinary as a PP has suggested. I can't see how it could.

Issummernearlyover · 16/09/2023 10:01

Pipsquiggle · 16/09/2023 09:04

Are they on a group WhatsApp?
If so, your DD could write something like

'I am moving in on Saturday. I will be moving into my room. I expect it to be empty. If it isn't empty, I will still move my stuff into that room and move anything that isn't mine into the corridor /lounge'

^ This

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 16/09/2023 10:26

I agree that from the outsetthere should have been different pricing levels dependent of the desirability of different rooms. But it doesn't paint OP's DD in the best of lights that she only wants to suggest that now it isshe that has the least desirable room - she wasn't suggesting that when she thought somebody else had drawn the short straw and she'd lucked out at no extra cost!

Agree with this.

Fuckingfuming1 · 16/09/2023 10:39

The contracts usually start in July I know my DD’s house has been basically empty, and they’ve been paying 2 1/2 grand a month in rent since 1 July and moved in this week. Which is criminal. Anyway.
As others of sad if somebody has a shitty room, they need to be financially compensated for it. The lottery wasn’t fair. And now they’ve been bitten on the arse by it. Everybody will get in serious trouble if they start throwing their weight around with this young girl. And quite rightly too.
I certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for causing the level of anxiety. I saw my daughter subjected to last year to somebody else and all she did was come in pissed a couple of times. If it escalates the University will get involved

febbabies2023 · 16/09/2023 10:40

shutterup · 15/09/2023 15:48

I'd wait until she went out and move her stuff into her original room. Appreciate this tactic wouldn't be for everyone.

I'd do this too
Two can play that game 😂

CCTVcity · 16/09/2023 10:45

WomblingTree86 · 15/09/2023 17:39

Not in the UK if it is a private rental. It's nothing to do with the university.

Show quote history

Yes this was in U.K.

Pastoral came in to do mediation. I can’t remember the timeline or the steps but it was quite drawn out and then finally they either agreed to leave or were told to leave.

LittleOwl153 · 16/09/2023 10:46

I would suggest your daughter tells the rest of the house that as her room is no longer available to move into she clearly won't be paying the rent as she will need it to pay for where she actually needs to live.

I would then get her to find somewhere else and put this spare room on the local advert sites... someone will take it and if the groups she's with won't support her then she doesn't want to be there anyway. (Male sure any guarantor is released on the changenover).

When does term start? How long has she got before she actually needs to be in the location? Either way it isn't going to be a great start to the year so I would look to starting it elsewhere. The only problem here is that she is likely to loose the friendships she has in the house as they will get stiched with an unknown.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 16/09/2023 10:58

Your daughter has the shit room before accepting it you need to negotiate her rent. Her rent per month needs to reflect the size of the room I know this has been mentioned by previous posters. She should pay less and they pay more fuck with them that way. Hurt them in their pockets get it in writing from the landlord. I am assuming if she don't move in then they will be paying her share of the rent.

There needs to be a compromise from the other tenants either she gets the room she was originally given or she pays less rent. If they don't compromise then look for another house share your daughter will not be happy sharing with them.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 16/09/2023 11:04

My daughter is living with 1 female and 3 males apparently it's not uncommon. I was a little confused about what happened to her student digs but the accommodation at the university has to give priority to first year students. My daughter knows all of them apart from one housemate. I introduced myself I want to make sure they know who I am and no funny business will happen around my daughter.

RedToothBrush · 16/09/2023 11:04

I can guarantee that if there are shared bills that girl won't pay. Especially the final bills. So your daughter (you) will have to stump up the balance.

It's always the same.

Anyone this selfish won't be fair on other shared responsibilities.