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Original poster

Shared housing: another housemate took DD's room

273 replies

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 14:11

DD is due to return to uni next week into a shared student house. The rooms had been allocated by lottery. However, one of the other students has moved in early and installed herself in DD's room. She is refusing to move to her own room. DD very upset by this. Landlord wont' get involved. Any idea what we should do?

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 15/09/2023 15:38

My DD had two “middling” rooms and her friends absolutely had different pricing levels! It’s only fair and actually avoided crap situations like this. In one house they drew lots. One room was bigger and one student didn’t want it because it was going to cost more. The swap was done and everyone was happy.

The student here has deliberately arrived early to grab the room. They really should adjust rent to reflect desirability of rooms. So this is the line dd should take. More money for grabbed room and less for DDs room. Get talking to the others urgently. Personally I wouldn’t be speaking to the room grabber again. It will, inevitably, cause issues all year whatever happens.

It’s nothing to do with the LL.

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 15:40

It's a mixed group - some knew each other before, some not. DD didn't know the other student.

OP posts:
ditalini · 15/09/2023 15:41

Realistically there's nothing you can do.

It's probably about 50/50 whether any action would end up with the other housemates ganging up on your dd, ime of how these disputes work themselves out.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 15/09/2023 15:42

As soon as the girl goes out, into her room, move all her stuff into her rightful room then install a lock on the door.

Springduckling · 15/09/2023 15:47

Can your dd negotiate a rent reduction based on her having a worse room?

shutterup · 15/09/2023 15:48

I'd wait until she went out and move her stuff into her original room. Appreciate this tactic wouldn't be for everyone.

jlpth · 15/09/2023 15:51

Housemate meeting - all agreed to the lottery. Peer pressure for the CF to get out of that room.

This housemate is going to be a nightmare though. Imagine having the front to behave like that.

kitchenplans · 15/09/2023 15:51

TizerorFizz · 15/09/2023 15:38

My DD had two “middling” rooms and her friends absolutely had different pricing levels! It’s only fair and actually avoided crap situations like this. In one house they drew lots. One room was bigger and one student didn’t want it because it was going to cost more. The swap was done and everyone was happy.

The student here has deliberately arrived early to grab the room. They really should adjust rent to reflect desirability of rooms. So this is the line dd should take. More money for grabbed room and less for DDs room. Get talking to the others urgently. Personally I wouldn’t be speaking to the room grabber again. It will, inevitably, cause issues all year whatever happens.

It’s nothing to do with the LL.

I agree that from the outset there should have been different pricing levels dependent of the desirability of different rooms. But it doesn't paint OP's DD in the best of lights that she only wants to suggest that now it is she that has the least desirable room - she wasn't suggesting that when she thought somebody else had drawn the short straw and she'd lucked out at no extra cost!

I have a lot of sympathy of OP's DD - it's a shit situation for her and is going to make things uncomfortable in the house, however it is resolved.

However, I also have a lot of sympathy for the student who the rest of the household was prepared to screw over and dump in the worst room at full cost.

It's a bit shit all round to be honest. The best bet really is to move forward from it as quickly as possible so that there's not tension all year.

OP, can you focus with your DD on what could be done to make the shit room better? As a parent, I'd probably throw a bit of money at it and go out on a shopping trip for little luxuries that will make her love her new room - fancy bedding, a cosy rug, some nice lighting, maybe a bean bag or an easy chair, some blankets, cushions, fairy lights etc, and maybe a nice treat like a velvetiser or something like that to make her room into the cosiest, snuggest one. Best revenge really, to turn that worst room into the best one!

Tryingmybestadhd · 15/09/2023 15:57

Get all her stuff out and install a lock . Problem solved ! R many e out something really awfully smelly in her room and then refuse to change 😂😂😂😂

GoryBory · 15/09/2023 15:57

SandyIrving · 15/09/2023 15:34

Has your DD shared with that other housemate before?. Thinking she might be a entitled in other ways throughout the year.

How is she entitled?

She is the one playing fair.

You don’t get to agree to choosing by lottery and then act like a brat and choose your own room anyway.

givemushypeasachance · 15/09/2023 16:00

If she behaves like this, what are the chances she's going to cooperate on things like shared chores, not stealing other peoples' food from the fridge?

If everyone agreed to the room lottery, and everyone is on side that this is a shitty and unacceptable thing to do, they need to group together to either pressure her to behave or to leave and pass the tenancy on to someone else.

Sugarcoatt · 15/09/2023 16:00

What’s the rental agreement? If one housemate defaults are the others responsible for the shortfall? If so then I’d threaten to default on the rent and leave them all with a bill to pay unless CF moves.

Your other option is to get a couple of people to forcibly remove CF and her stuff. I wouldn’t even wait till she goes out. You need to show her she’s not the boss or she’ll be a pain all year. Tell her either she moves out or you’ll make her.

GoryBory · 15/09/2023 16:01

jlpth · 15/09/2023 15:51

Housemate meeting - all agreed to the lottery. Peer pressure for the CF to get out of that room.

This housemate is going to be a nightmare though. Imagine having the front to behave like that.

I agree.

All the room mates need to stick together on this one else this girl is going to Keri getting away with it.
She’s definitely going to be the type to eat food and use products that are any hers.

I’d be telling her she moves out of that room or she moves out completely.
Unfortunately I don’t know that to suggest if she carries on refusing.

Good for your DD for not putting up with shitty behaviour.
So many women on MN would just let this sort of behaviour slide.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 16:02

Sugarcoatt · 15/09/2023 16:00

What’s the rental agreement? If one housemate defaults are the others responsible for the shortfall? If so then I’d threaten to default on the rent and leave them all with a bill to pay unless CF moves.

Your other option is to get a couple of people to forcibly remove CF and her stuff. I wouldn’t even wait till she goes out. You need to show her she’s not the boss or she’ll be a pain all year. Tell her either she moves out or you’ll make her.

Op, ignore this "advice" 🙄

Sugarcoatt · 15/09/2023 16:02

givemushypeasachance · 15/09/2023 16:00

If she behaves like this, what are the chances she's going to cooperate on things like shared chores, not stealing other peoples' food from the fridge?

If everyone agreed to the room lottery, and everyone is on side that this is a shitty and unacceptable thing to do, they need to group together to either pressure her to behave or to leave and pass the tenancy on to someone else.

This. She is probably going to do stuff like spitting in your DD’s bottle of milk. Honestly I don’t think they can realistically make this arrangement work now.

Sugarcoatt · 15/09/2023 16:03

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 16:02

Op, ignore this "advice" 🙄

Show quote history

How is it unreasonable? Demand what you signed up for or walk. It’s a perfectly reasonable strategy.

BeyondMyWits · 15/09/2023 16:03

Love all the move her stuff out and put on a lock. .. how are you going to get her stuff out? These shared students houses already have locks on the doors... who is going to break in and move the stuff, then make good and put a new lock on?

Someone gets the crap room. The one who drew it, doesn't want it. She found a way round it. Either the household sits around and sorts it out, or it is a free for all. It is not fair any which way.

Namerequired · 15/09/2023 16:04

If the landlord rented it out to them on a room basis then each room should have its own contract. If it’s rented as a house between them all then you would expect them to be friends and there is usually a head tenant that deals with the landlord. How did she end up sharing with someone she didn’t know? Who’s organising it?

thinkfast · 15/09/2023 16:05

How many housemates are there in total? And how many of those are on your DD's side?

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 16:05

Sugarcoatt · 15/09/2023 16:02

This. She is probably going to do stuff like spitting in your DD’s bottle of milk. Honestly I don’t think they can realistically make this arrangement work now.

Show quote history

Oh, come on. No, she's not very likely to be spitting in op's dd's milk, or shitting in her sugar bowl.
Your thuggish responses say more about you, really.

Sheisready · 15/09/2023 16:07

I would move in to the available room (where is she sleeping tonight?). Concentrate on starting the academic year and after the weekend look at alternative accommodation if I still felt like it.

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 16:07

Five in the house, all the others on DD's side, but I don't know how much they want to get involved.

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 15/09/2023 16:10

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 15:32

Her housemates are on her side.
Just to clarify, I would pull back a bit from the claim that it's the worst room - it's rather subjective. The rooms are all pretty much the same size, but this room is on the ground floor, neat the kitchen and the toilet - so it's the noisiest. That might not bother some, it does bother others.

Practically, does it matter? Somewhat. Does this behaviour matter? Yes, a great deal.

Your daughter has my absolute sympathy. The good thing is that the 'friend' has revealed her true self and may well find that she doesn't have anyone to share with next year. That's a long term win and can't kick in until next year. In the short term, can you make the room she has got now into a lovely space. The same thing happened to me when I was a student . It was 35 years ago ,the house wasn't pretty and we were allowed to repaint walls. I know the chances of a landlord allowing that today is hugely unlikely but are there things you could do that are nice but temporary. Hopefully the others will be extra considerate about noise . They could socialise as a group in your daughters room ( assignments allowing ). It would be incredibly difficult for the thoughtless one to spend time in that room after how she has behaved.It may make her feel suitably awkward.

ihadamarveloustime · 15/09/2023 16:11

Other rooomates and your DD should tell her they will physically move the girl's things into the hall if she doesn't move them herself. It's not her room.

Charlingspont · 15/09/2023 16:13

Unbelievable behaviour from the other girl. Absolutely extraordinary. I know if I were your DD I would not want to move in. How can she? It would be like literally allowing the other girl to walk all over her. Can you find any other accommodation?

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