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Original poster

Shared housing: another housemate took DD's room

273 replies

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 14:11

DD is due to return to uni next week into a shared student house. The rooms had been allocated by lottery. However, one of the other students has moved in early and installed herself in DD's room. She is refusing to move to her own room. DD very upset by this. Landlord wont' get involved. Any idea what we should do?

OP posts:
Fuckingfuming1 · 15/09/2023 19:15

smittenkittens · 15/09/2023 18:30

Don't let your daughter be walked over by this girl. I agree with the suggestion of bringing some friends/family along to reclaim the room and put a lock on the door.

So you’re going to intimidate and bully a young woman are you?

Two wrongs do not make a right.

The noisy room should come with a price reduction. This whole process needs to be restarted and the only people involved in other people who live in the house.

saltyseashell · 15/09/2023 19:27

Parents shouldn't be getting involved, it could quickly turn into something much bigger than it needs to be if the other girl's parents then get involved too.

Your daughter should propose the following to her other housemates: they help her reclaim the room and then offer a reduction in rent to the housemate with the noisy room.

If the other housemates don't want to go along with this, your daughter needs to accept what's happened or find a new place to live.

NDWifeandMan · 15/09/2023 19:29

You know how this plays out depends on the group dynamics. Maybe not 'everyone' agreed to the lottery, but the loudest, most vocal few pressured the rest into it (I don't know how many there are). If your DD is popular/domineering any action she takes will be viewed positively and vice versa.

A lottery is quite frankly an idiotic way to do things if some rooms are clearly better than others. What you SHOULD have done is a 'fixed charge' for each room and a division of the rest to make the 'worse' rooms cheaper, depending on your valuation of it.

The girl is wrong, but this whole lottery was silly in the first place.

Goldbar · 15/09/2023 19:50

House meeting. Housemate who has "stolen" the room needs to move out asap and should start looking for a replacement for her (actual) room. She's disrespected the agreement all the other housemates made and can't be trusted.

Maireas · 15/09/2023 19:57

I agree, that's the crux of the problem @NDWifeandMan .
Also @saltyseashell - it's done now, no point in getting aggressive or starting harassment.

mysocksarehaunted · 15/09/2023 20:02

House share girl isn't bothered to start off the share on a bad note so she is either pretty thick skinned or she is confident that she will be able to charm people and get them on her side. If the rooms are reclaimed per lottery so HSG loses the room she thinks she is entitled to, she's unlikely to be friendly housemate going forward, and I think if the room's were going to be switched 'back', it really needed to be done quickly and with as little drama as possible to lessen fallout/bad feeling, a sort of, 'oh by the way HSG, you put your stuff in the wrong room but no worries, we've moved it for you.' I also think if your daughter simply takes the next 'best' room, that will cause bad feeling between her and the others. Having said that, it is crap of HSG go back on the agreement, but if the rooms are similar I personally wouldn't mind having the one near the bathroom and kitchen, that seems quite convenient to me, especially for getting into the bathroom before the others!

Carpediemmakeitcount · 15/09/2023 20:12

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 15:12

That's right, the other student wasn't happy with the room she got. It is definitely the worst room in the house, but everyone agreed to the lottery. DD adamant she won't just take the other room - and I agree, you can't just give in to such anti-social behaviour.

How bad is her room can she sleep in it and study?

LilyPond2 · 15/09/2023 20:27

NDWifeandMan · 15/09/2023 19:29

You know how this plays out depends on the group dynamics. Maybe not 'everyone' agreed to the lottery, but the loudest, most vocal few pressured the rest into it (I don't know how many there are). If your DD is popular/domineering any action she takes will be viewed positively and vice versa.

A lottery is quite frankly an idiotic way to do things if some rooms are clearly better than others. What you SHOULD have done is a 'fixed charge' for each room and a division of the rest to make the 'worse' rooms cheaper, depending on your valuation of it.

The girl is wrong, but this whole lottery was silly in the first place.

Edited

Disagree that the lottery was silly in principle. They needed to find some way to decide who got which room, and trying to agree different amounts for different rooms could have brought its own issues. Given how sneaky and unpleasant the housemate apparently is, if the students had agreed a system of different amounts for different rooms she might well have bagged the largest room and then refused to pay the higher amount agreed.

NDWifeandMan · 15/09/2023 20:39

LilyPond2 · 15/09/2023 20:27

Disagree that the lottery was silly in principle. They needed to find some way to decide who got which room, and trying to agree different amounts for different rooms could have brought its own issues. Given how sneaky and unpleasant the housemate apparently is, if the students had agreed a system of different amounts for different rooms she might well have bagged the largest room and then refused to pay the higher amount agreed.

Show quote history

Like what issues exactly? At least nobody will get a room they hate for the rest of the year while paying for the privilege of others having nicer.
This is what I've done in every house share I've lived in, the better part of a decade. Yes it took some time to agree on the amount, but it wasn't a massive issue.
Say one room was in a slightly worse place, with 4 people if you reduced the rent by £100 a month that's only about £30 for the other 3 but person with 'shit' room is being compensated.

Many people agree to a 'lottery' on the surface, hoping they won't draw the short straw, then they do. Equally, as I said not everyone may have agreed.

Neither of us can assume anything, but I don't think, without any extra information the girl is sneaky/cheeky. What other choice does she have? She may have disagreed with the lottery but was overruled. She may be rude. She may be desperate. We don't know.

At least with different rents it's clearly fair, person with worse room gets compensated. A lottery is not fair, it's a game of chance and creates room for resentment. For something you are paying a lot of money for, and you have to live in. It's inadequate.

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 20:44

I think all this discussion of different rates for different rooms is off the mark. The point is they agreed a fair system ("fair" meaning they all agreed to it), and then one person trashed it. Not sneaky? Downright obnoxious.

OP posts:
curaçao · 15/09/2023 20:46

I would advise very strongly against entering the room and touching or moving the girl's stuff.That is something which could result in disciplinary action.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 20:47

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 20:44

I think all this discussion of different rates for different rooms is off the mark. The point is they agreed a fair system ("fair" meaning they all agreed to it), and then one person trashed it. Not sneaky? Downright obnoxious.

Edited

Did they all agree, though? Or were some of them railroaded into it?

3luckystars · 15/09/2023 20:51

Id give it one last attempt and say ‘either move out of my room or move out of the house’ and ask the others to support her with this decision, but I would probably just find somewhere else to live. I couldn’t be around a scumbag like that.

anotherchanger · 15/09/2023 20:55

I'd see about breaking the contract and move somewhere else in your daughter's position. The room stealer is not someone I'd want to live with after this.
I moved into a shared house where I didn't know anyone in my third year at uni and ended up making great new friends I'd never have bet otherwise. It was a last minute panic as the 2 people I'd intended to live with both dropped their courses - I was so nervous at the thought of living somewhere with strangers and it was absolutely fine.

NDWifeandMan · 15/09/2023 21:05

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 20:47

Did they all agree, though? Or were some of them railroaded into it?

Show quote history

This OP.
And what I'm saying related to your question! If you investigate and find out that some of them did not agree and have a fairer system the girl might move out of her own volition. The relationship is soured, there's that.
In fact, you don't even know the truth. You were not there, I have seen things like this happen and it turns out a couple of people decided for others.

You have all of this third hand. Only what your DD is telling you and as she doesn't know the others she might also not have the full information.

You find another house but people there might be even worse... so you don't know what you're walking into.

It's worth, at least trying to 'find' out what is happening and why.

Btw if it was me, and they were simply a CF, AND everyone else was really on my side and not just saying the words I'd get them all to speak to her. Who wants to live in a house where it's clear that nobody else likes you?

kitchenplans · 15/09/2023 21:20

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 20:44

I think all this discussion of different rates for different rooms is off the mark. The point is they agreed a fair system ("fair" meaning they all agreed to it), and then one person trashed it. Not sneaky? Downright obnoxious.

Edited

But it wasn't fair though, was it? Because if the room offered for the price asked was reasonable, then your dd would be OK with it.

Obviously this was handled ridiculously badly, there should have been a sensible discussion, rather than a room napping.

But, there is a bit of poetic justice to this. The person your dd and friends tried to screw over turned the tables and screwed them back. They should never have been expected to take the shit room at full price.

Bobbybobbins · 15/09/2023 21:20

I would put up with it til Christmas but make it clear they are all redrawing for rooms after Christmas and your DD is not eligible for the crap room!

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 21:29

Bobbybobbins · 15/09/2023 21:20

I would put up with it til Christmas but make it clear they are all redrawing for rooms after Christmas and your DD is not eligible for the crap room!

Op's dd can do no such thing without the agreement of all concerned.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 21:40

Maireas · 15/09/2023 18:57

No, I'm just clarifying the purse comment.
Please don't get personal.
No need.

Show quote history

Well come on. You can't blame me for thinking you were being deliberately obtuse. Someone said 'my gran didn't want a carer in her house so she took her purse and locked her out, do a variation of this'. And you come along saying throwing the woman's purse out won't help. Then when I said she's not saying to throw her purse out, her words were to do a variation of this, you start asking me what variation. I mean come on.... You honestly can't blame me for thinking you were pretending to be obtuse just to be annoying.

IsItUs · 15/09/2023 21:44

I agree OP, this flatmate is obnoxious. I suspect she's a bully too.
To agree to a lottery then forcibly take someone else's room is horrible behaviour by her.
I think by far the best option is for your DD not to move in. The whole set up won't work now. However she should visit the property to hide prawns in the curtain linings, poles, crevices etc.
If not moving in isn't an option then, absolutely, forcibly removing the cuckoo would be my second option, and yes, in circumstances like these where obnoxious flatmate is throwing her weight around, I'd make sure DD had support in the process of ejection from the room, whether from the other flat mates or family.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 21:46

And here comes yet another one suggesting sending the heavies in 🙄

Maireas · 15/09/2023 21:55

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 21:40

Well come on. You can't blame me for thinking you were being deliberately obtuse. Someone said 'my gran didn't want a carer in her house so she took her purse and locked her out, do a variation of this'. And you come along saying throwing the woman's purse out won't help. Then when I said she's not saying to throw her purse out, her words were to do a variation of this, you start asking me what variation. I mean come on.... You honestly can't blame me for thinking you were pretending to be obtuse just to be annoying.

Show quote history

Ok. Stop with the personal abuse.
I've not been rude to you.
Just stop it.

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 21:56

@kitchenplans
"But it wasn't fair though, was it? Because if the room offered for the price asked was reasonable, then your dd would be OK with it."

It was fair because everyone agreed to it. They all agreed not to price the rooms differently. This issue has got nothing to do with the price. When I buy a lottery ticket and don't win, I don't get my money back. When I agree to a room lottery and don't get the room I wanted, I shouldn't just take it.

OP posts:
Maireas · 15/09/2023 21:56

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 21:46

And here comes yet another one suggesting sending the heavies in 🙄

It's utterly ridiculous, isn't it.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 21:58

You've probably already said, op, but how does your dd actually know this girl is in "her" room if she isn't there yet and the other girl is the only one currently in the house?

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