Shared housing: another housemate took DD's room

[LostInTheWeeds]

DD is due to return to uni next week into a shared student house. The rooms had been allocated by lottery. However, one of the other students has moved in early and installed herself in DD's room. She is refusing to move to her own room. DD very upset by this. Landlord wont' get involved. Any idea what we should do?

That awful housemate has shown what sort of person she is - and that's NOT the sort of person you want to live with! She will be awful in every way, it's her nature. OP I hope your DD has a good beginning to uni, and hope she finds a new place to live soon

@kitchenplans you are off your rocker! Are you the room-stealing housemate? Lol

Agreed, also...

While the other girl's behaviour is unpleasant the OP's attitude is a bit confusing.
She has stated that there's nothing particularly bad about the room, just that 'some' people might not like it because it's closer to the kitchen/toilet.
However, it's bad enough that OP's DD doesn't want it, and is looking at moving out! So, is it 'that' bad or because she doesn't want to live with room stealer?

While in an ideal world just moving out due to bad feeling is possible, in the real world it could be a case of out of the frying pan, into the fire. Finding a room with strangers elsewhere - you don't know what you're walking into.

Having spent a decade in various house shares, both as a student and working adult I've seen much worse behaviour. Especially risky if her budget stretches only to a house share with several other people. Quite frankly for 9 months if there are no other issues I'd stay. If the other housemates are in agreement, of course they don't want to start a fight by physically removing other girls' belongings etc but it's not hard to just ignore her and leave her out of things.

If OP's DD finds a better option she should take it. But. she should be wary that wanting to move for the sake of 'moving' she might inadvertently be going into a worse situation than the one she'd left.

It’s a steep learning curve isn’t it? Other people do unexpected things. They are not always fair and pleasant. Navigating around them is part of growing up without parents around. If the other girls are friendly, then it’s not that bad.

Hardly any students don’t house share. Even well off ones. Unless DDs mates elsewhere (whom she didn’t appear to end up sharing a flat with) have a room going that’s acceptable, I would stay put but make a huge effort to get in with a better group next year.

"Navigating around" other people's "unexpected" and "not always fair" and "unpleasant" behaviour? Is that called "being a doormat"? Honestly I can't believe that people actually think the OPs daughter should just accept this. Not only has one house-member pooped all over her, but the others have watched and done nothing.

Honestly I can't believe that people actually think the OPs daughter should just accept this.

What do you think she should do then?

Start to learn to stick up for herself even if she can't immediately resolve an issue?

Start to learn to stick up for herself even if she can't immediately resolve an issue?

How exactly though?

Please give more details as to how this would work in practice?!

What do you suggest she should have done differently, then? Her options were kind of limited.

If you read the thread there have been plenty of comments and ideas.

Very few ideas were workable. It’s all very well having ideas to get the room back but carrying them out is another matter. There simply aren’t spare rooms in student flats at the click of a finger either so moving is difficult. There are also contracts. Who would she share with if she could move? More random folk? Would she get a flat on her own? How is that better? It’s not a great situation but options were limited.

If you read the thread there have been plenty of comments and ideas.

Like getting everyone else to peer pressure her to change rooms? Or moving all the HM’s things out?

Gosh some people really can't handle there being a difference of opinion can there. Since they all agreed the method of selecting rooms together all discussing it is par for the course surely. If your going to go and take a room regardless, you aren't going to return to the house with a bunch of high fives.

@HauntedPencil's useful suggestion seems to be that the DD just throws a tantrum.

Maybe she could belligerently argue and argue about something that's really nothing to do with her until the other housemate just gives up the ghost?

Is discussing it with all the housemates and thinking of the options throwing a tantrum? Is that what you call it when girls stick up for themselves?

Again, what were the actual options?

Already said my thoughts and they haven't changed.

the only realistic practical solution, if the other housemates are all on her side, and assuming no locks on the doors (one of my uni houses didn’t have them) is to wait until she leaves and the rest of the housemates lifts and shifts her stuff out and moves the OP DD’s in. They may have to skip a lecture or two to do this.

The CF will have little ability to do this in return on her own and it will show the whole house supports the DD

Obviously potential for some dramatic fallout

my dd have both missed out on the best rooms in their time at university.
let it be a lesson thats all.

If I remember correctly, the other flatmates were sympathetic but weren’t up for direct action. The DD has to live with these people for now. Open warfare is not the sensible way to go. It’s best to be pragmatic and find somewhere if she can. She might find a room with friends but why not do that in the first place? Navigating year 1 friendships at uni is tricky. You find a flat with new “friends “ after a couple of months. You don’t really know them and hope for the best. So you have to accept the rough with the smooth.

However time to sort out a better arrangement next year and hopefully move on. Students don’t spend hours in their rooms anyway unless they really don’t have friends. Most get out quite a lot.

Quite.

What personal abuse? There is absolutely no personal abuse in that post. You asked a question about a very clear sentence, pp clarified and then you start crying personal abuse???

I would assume the housemate's food in the fridge is fair game? Because they obviously think taking things that are not theirs is ok?
Ditto stuff in the bathroom?

Why would the others get involved in this sort of nonsense? They're housemates, not friends. The others probably couldn't give a toss which one of them gets which room, and almost certainly not to the extent of engaging in this sort of strong arm shenanigans.