DH is limiting Y12 DC to universities in the north due to ££££

[BatteredHonda]

DC is in Y12 and wants to apply to KCL, Bristol and Exeter - alongside other unis. DC will qualify for minimum maintenance loan and we are therefore expected to top up/pay the accommodation. We struggle to make ends meet as it is so DH has said DC canNOT apply to southern unis - let alone London ones. He is recommending Leicester, Newcastle, Swansea, Belfast etc instead. DC is furious but I do get where DH coming from. What are your thoughts?

Ideally DH would be coaching DS through weighing up the finances as part of making his own decision.

They are both pretty stubborn by the sounds of it!

That is probably how I'd put it to the kids too.
I had told Dd she could apply anywhere she likes but my donation is not unlimited and so choosing to go somewhere very expensive would mean she'd have to fund a lot of it herself. She's picked two within 2 hours if us and we should be able to cover the accommodations and her loans cover the rest (we hope) plus travel can be expensive if she wants to visit us.

Once your DC has a student bank account he can qualify for an overdraft. I know this is not ideal but it's one way may students manage, along with holiday jobs and weekend jobs. Terms are only usually 10 weeks so that leaves 20 weeks a year to work.

I don't think it's right your H wants to limit where your child can apply. That is very short sighted and may well limit his employment chances if he is able to get to a Russell Group uni.

The other option is that you and your H increase your own income if you can, or take out a loan, and your child repays you once they are working.

Can he not apply, then if he gets the place take a gap year and work to save up the money he needs? No harm in applying - if he gets in then he needs to find a way to make it work. That's life - no reason why he can't try as long as you are clear on how much you plan on giving /lending him.

We vetoed London for undergraduate though DH did PhD there himself - he said there were lots of hidden additional costs everything is just slightly more expensive.

My parents veto Scotland and N.I universities due to practicalities of getting there - we were in the midlands.

It's been a consideration for DD1 - distance from where we are - and general costs but it has to be considered along side course, university and course reputation and other things. I wouldn't just assume north is cheaper either but I'd try and gauge by looking at figures.

It was also part of the conversations we had with DD1 - with explanations we didn't just impose our views.

I'd be addressing this.

It shows more about his attitude that his parents are going to fund him.

He needs to compromise on something - maybe his weekends - unless the sport is going to be part of his uni application and he's really outstanding in whatever he's playing.

Your DS can work during holidays to make up any shortfall? I can understand your DH but there are ways around this "problem".

DD is at uni. We give her a set amount and she works to top it up. They get such long holidays, it's very easy to make several thousand pounds during the year.

I think it's nuts that parental income is included in maintenance/loan calculations these days full stop. I went to Exeter 15 years ago with a full student loan and it was doable with a PT bar job.

So what is your DCs plan to be able to afford to go to their choices?

Surely if they are furious, they must have a plan that isn’t ‘mum and dad will just have to give me more’

I think costs of transport home need to be considered too. My daughter found the first year difficult and didn't really settle, she came home every reading week (x2), Christmas and Easter. Fortunately she chose a Uni in the Midlands but Aberdeen was a consideration at one point!

Your DC needs to realise that uni costs a lot.

DSS is having 2 gap years and is now saving £200 a week to fund himself

He was going to have 1 gap year but now having 2 as he want to go to Bristol or Exeter which is ££££.

Could that be an option?

.

I don't know why this is such a surprise. Happens to lots of families. Dc need to think about cost of living of uni. I wouldn't choose London but many do. Some unis accommodation are more expensive than others, Bristol, bath, Durham, Birmingham. Some are cheaper than others.

Compromises are needed. Where you choose, taking a part time job, using child trust fund if you have one, working all the summer before to save money for the year ahead.

Depends what is available to you. We all make choices.

I suggested to ds1 based on mn advice that he took a Nottingham catered but this means that he needed to move all his stuff out every term. Is a faff, me driving up to collect him, but it saved us money.

It sounds like your dc will need to get a job to afford to live, which many students need to do. It's a great life lesson.

Which course is he applying for? And does he know what he wants to do for a career?

There are some courses and careers where you are more or less guaranteed to get a well paid job e.g. data, IT, maths, medicine, law (but only if one of the big firms).

If he is doing a course and wants a career with good wage prospects I would let him apply to where he likes. He should be able to repay the loans relatively quickly

That's your problem, it's time for them to grow up and realise money doesn't grow on trees.

Tell them your budget and let them work it out 🤷‍♀️

All kids from age 16 should earn their own money as much as possible. My dd worked for three months over Christmas and earned over a thousand pounds just doing 8 hours a week.

Does he have a career in mind at the end of it and will his choice of university impact employment options?
Would he be open to new apprenticeships? I’m fuzzy on the details but at my employer they work 4 days a week and get paid (probably not loads but it would certainly help with COL), attend university for 1 day a week and I think they graduate after 4 years. So they will leave with less debt, 4 years of work experience in a relevant role and a degree. I think the company also contribute to fees (not 100% sure).
If it’s a more cost effective route to a qualification he wants (and to locate south for the duration) then there are other options (although based on the info here it sounds like he just wants to enjoy the student life on your pound).

Tell your child how much you will be able to financially support him and let him work out how he will afford the rest. If that means he applies for unis closer to home or in cheaper cities then that's his choice. Alternatively he could take a gap year to earn a wage for a year and then apply. Presuming you are happy for him to remain living at home with a lower than market rate of rent.

I understand where you are coming from. I studied at a northern university, though so long ago I had grants and no tuition fees.

My only thought is to apply to Universities with a good reputation and post-degree employment prospects. Not just a degree for the sake of one.

Maybe it's time to have conversation.
Explain the financial situation. Do some basic budgeting plans.
Often year 12 students see the loan as a lot of money.
Sadly the reality is loan barely covers tge accommodation.
How do they think other outgoings
Eg, food clothes course materials transport phone etc will be met?

Having been in this situation with my eldest child they opted to do a degree apprenticeship so earn while learning. They have experienced the uni life away from home.

Thankfully next child is also keen on apprenticeships

From Dh's linked list :
Cambridge is 49
Birmingham is 53.

Ha ha. Having a little giggle to myself. Sorry.

I always say to my DC that what university they attend is down to what is offered, corse structure and finances.

(We are unable to support them financially and they know it- but we are thre for advice and help with the figures)

Then it's up to you and your DH to disabuse him of this notion.

There are numerous threads on Mumsnet of kids whose attitude stinks just like your DC, who get to uni and are "too busy" with their sports or their music or their social life to get a job, who demand more and money, demand their parents be guarantors for their accommodation, etc.

Don't end up being one of them.

Missing the point entirely but the link to this thread says "DH is limiting Y12 DC to universities in the north due to pspspsps" and I was going to ask if your DC is a cat

Of course he has time for a job. He may not want one, but that needs to be factored into his choice.

It's entirely reasonable for him to to go wherever he wants to go, but he needs to understand that your financial contribution will be finite.

FWIW, my dd is in Year 13. Throughout sixth form, she has managed to juggle 2 part time jobs, some fairly full-on extracurricular activities, degree-related volunteering and work experience and a very busy social life, alongside her studies and uni applications, interviews etc. She is still predicted A*s in all her subjects so there is definitely time if you choose to make it. Nearly all of her high achieving friends have PT jobs too.

If he wants to pursue the expensive options, it can be done, but he will have to be prepared to put the work in. It's very entitled to claim that he couldn't possibly work while expecting you to stump up the extra cash!

The more you post the more I sympathise with your dh.

Your dc has picked unis that they can’t afford. With the loan and support you can give, it sounds like your dc can not afford to apply to these Unis. And instead of accepting that is trying to push you and your dh into a position where you are forced to give him more money.

He is refusing to work. He knows he cant afford the ones he wants on what the loan and you are offering. Yet is still applying because he believes you will give in.

I am also guessing that you have a history of giving in, out of guilt. You want him to have everything he wants. We would all like our kids to have everything they want. However, that’s not real life and your child needs to learn that asap. Especially, since they plan on living away