DH is limiting Y12 DC to universities in the north due to ££££

[BatteredHonda]

DC is in Y12 and wants to apply to KCL, Bristol and Exeter - alongside other unis. DC will qualify for minimum maintenance loan and we are therefore expected to top up/pay the accommodation. We struggle to make ends meet as it is so DH has said DC canNOT apply to southern unis - let alone London ones. He is recommending Leicester, Newcastle, Swansea, Belfast etc instead. DC is furious but I do get where DH coming from. What are your thoughts?

Then he just gets a job. That's what I had to do and what loads of other people have to do.

When dd was looking at universities we also looked at the travelling time and train costs. The fare to Durham was indescribably terrible even with a railcard.

Poor old dh was not allowed to go to anything other than the local university, which was typical skinflint behaviour of the pil, but I can understand the OP’s dh being realistic sbout costs and suggesting places not too distant.

Agree about London. The extra costs via a vis a campus university would be a definite minus for me.

My Dad tried this when I applied to Uni! I went to London and got a part-time job. My Nephew is at Durham Uni. now and also has a part-time job. He's old enough to make up his own mind.

@BatteredHonda
My DDs didn’t work for money pre university. Lots of sporty DC don’t. Quite normal. I can see why he wants Bristol and Exeter. Don’t really get KCL but a lot of this depends on subject surely? Swansea and Leicester are unlikely to match his choices. Belfast? Why? Are you from Belfast? Newcastle? Maybe.

Some subjects are full on. Some definitely have more free time. DS should have his choice and ignore Victorian views from his dad. All unis have cheaper accommodation and maybe vacation jobs would be a compromise. However DS might well understand that backing himself at a better university might pay off over time, especially if he wants a high flying career. The three he’s mentioned are very sensible choices and very different from the most of what his dad thinks. Has dad looked at league tables or just stuck a pin in a map?

Well, this is where real life kicks in, doesn't it?

Sport every weekend, or get a job and pay for uni?

His choice.

He wants the ha'penny and the gingerbread

Is it a degree where getting it from a certain Uni will be beneficial?
Or is it more about lifestyle/location?

I agree with PPs - don't tell him where he can and cannot go. He can apply anywhere, but tell him firmly the amount you will be supporting him with and get him to work it out and make a decision

If he won't even get a part time job now though that does not bode well...
Will he still play the competitive sport when he goes to Uni?

I think DH is being VVU in trying to dictate which unis your DS can apply to.

It’s not unreasonable to tell DS what the maximum is that you can contribute, and then DS can work around that as he chooses.

He might choose a southern Uni but a smaller room with shared facilities. My DS went to Cambridge and his room was £120 a week, so it’s definitely doable.

Or he might decide he will work to build up savings, or work pt during course if possible/allowed.

Is DH DS father?

I had max maintenance loan (graduated 3 years ago) and it was more than enough alongside a small part time job (sometimes) and working in the summer. Remember uni is basically only on for half the year.

I think you all need to have grown up conversations. There is probably some middle ground between your DH and your DC's positions. As a parent you do want to give your kids every opportunity but as a nearly adult child, you are able to understand the limitations of the support your parents are able to give.

Manchester, Leeds, Nottingham.
Your DH has a point.

Is your DS willing to work? Exeter is very much a student city and there are plenty of jobs with flexible hours available for students. I worked 30 hrs a week on top of my degree in a call centre while I was studying there, as did many of my friends

What subject is he applying for? In my field there's a huge reputational gap between the ones your DC is interested in and some of the other ones you mentioned. It's even bigger in some other subjects. Depending on what they want to do afterwards, there could be a significant effect on your DC's career prospects if they go for one of the lower tier unis.

I teach at one of the southern ones and all my students who aren't very, very rich have jobs.

I know someone who had to drop out of UCL and re-enroll in Salford because he couldn't afford the cost of living in London.

That is a student loan. But it's based on parental income and so if you earn more than about £40k the student is only eligible for the minimum loan which is just over £4k a year.

He should have a frank discussion about budgets and then the student makes the decision.

I also don’t understand why more parents aren’t saving when they know this is coming. We know our income is going to impact loan eligibility so we are putting money into savings every month.

Just let dc know the maximum support you can offer and be firm that they will need to work to make up the shortfall, possibly by taking a gap year. There's plenty of options for excellent universities in less expensive places than London, Bristol and Exeter! Bristol in particular is tough getting accommodation, there's such a shortage generally.

The most important thing is the course, so ensure that it is the right one for your dc. For some it may not be the most prestigious university because departments vary a lot, as do teaching styles. Mine have attended 3 universities between them, and the cost was significantly lower in 2 of the locations, I do get the concern

Well how are you meant to pay for something you can’t afford? I can understand your DCs upset but what exactly do they expect you to do if you don’t have the money?

There are plenty of good universities in the north; no need to come south of Leicester!

For example: Newcastle, York, Manchester, Liverpool, Nottingham, Sheffield all excellent. If you come a bit further south you've got places like Loughborough, Leicester and Birmingham.

When I was looking at universities I drew a metaphorical circle around London and some universities in the south-east and didn't consider any university within that circle due to cost.

@BatteredHonda I would ask your son if there is something specific about the courses at the pricier Southern universities that can’t be found at the equally good Northern ones? If he has a very specific career path in mind and NEEDS to go to say - Central Saint Martins - because he wants to work in fashion, or KCL because their physics course has a special focus on renewables- then fine. But he’ll have to come up with a plan to work alongside his degree.

If not then he has no excuse. Plenty of great prestigious unis up North, Newcastle, Durham, Sheffield, Manchester, Liverpool, Glasgow, York etc.

Direct your DH to the small print in that article, as it doesn't appear to cover private rentals/HMOs, which is where most students end up after the first year.

Also make sure you don’t agree to be guarantor on accommodation if your teen ends up convincing you they will work to afford the rent. Before you know it you’ll be on the hook for thousands.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. He can get a job and save up himself, or accept the reality of the situation.

If he's planning on moving to London when he's graduated, it's nice to experience somewhere else for a while too.

Is your child willing to get a job and support themselves? That’s what I had to do because I moved away from where I was raised 🤷‍♀️ I think if your DC will support themselves then they should go wherever they want, if they expect you and your DH to fund them, then I see where your DH is coming from.

I would also check what the accommodation situation is in those "cheaper" areas, given that a) sometimes it's cheaper to stay in an area for a reason b) some students are having real problems finding accommodation in cities like Manchester and Glasgow to the point that they are being encouraged to defer or commute from other cities.

Just for background to those who don't really understand the difference, for year 2 the different costs really kick in - dd1 spent just £7600 in year 2 (wales) where dd2 spent £11k ish on her southern university, thankfully she had a bursary! She never revealed exactly