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Higher education

Is anyone planning on NOT accompanying their DC to university?

166 replies

NotEnoughTime · 30/05/2020 18:14

Could I have your thoughts and opinions on this please?

OP posts:
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TimeWastingButFun · 03/06/2020 21:27

KenDodd your choice, of course. But adults also like to feel supported during momentous life changes.

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Nonnymum · 03/06/2020 21:30

I think you might regret it if you don't go. You will feel much better for seeing where he will be living. If you stay at home while your husband takes him you will probably feel anxious and sad all day.
That's how I would feel anyway. But only you know how you will feel so you just have to do what seems best when the time comes. Who knows what things will be like by October anyway? I really wouldn't worry it or even think about it now

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NotEnoughTime · 03/06/2020 21:35

TimeWastingButFun I didn't understand the question either but I did answer it.

Nonnymum I think you may be right.

Thanks so much all.

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HoldMyLobster · 07/06/2020 16:19

My DD went on her own last year, but TBF her university is 1700 miles away and she flew there.

Having tried doing it on her own, she asked that this year one of us come with her to help - she's too young to rent a car, and it is really useful to have one for the moving in process. Our plan is for one of us to fly there with her, rent a car, help her buy/move what she needs, then leave her to it.

This is assuming it's reasonable safe to fly - I'm not sure whether that will be the case in late August.

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HoldMyLobster · 07/06/2020 16:22

Oh - I went to uni in 1987 and my parents dropped me off. Start and end of every year they dropped me off and picked me up, the rest of the time they left me to it.

They also took me to Sainsburys and we bought the makings of a spaghetti bolognaise and some cereal and milk. And they gave me a 'How to Cook' book.

I couldn't wait to get away from them, and they were pretty happy to see the back of me too Grin

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MarchingFrogs · 07/06/2020 16:45

Just to point out that at least one university - Leicester - has already published its 'moving in rules' for halls for September: only one other person will be allowed in with each student and they will be encouraged to spend as little time as possible in the flat. There will be specific areas set aside elsewhere for goodbyes to be said, to discourage the companion from lingering. UK based students will also be offered a separate 'bulk drop-off day' at some point prior to their actual moving in day.
le.ac.uk/ignite/ignite-accommodation

If others follow suit with moving in arrangements, there will be no need for families to feel guilty if only one parent wants to or is able to accompany their offspring. For those who feel that they must all go (hopefully because all concerned genuinely want that, rather than feeling guilt-tripped into it), the extra family member(s) can always go along anyway but spend the actual moving in time shopping or having a coffee or something in the nearest townSmile.

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PhoneLock · 07/06/2020 18:30

Just chuckling at this thread.

Nobody has said where they are dropping their DC off.

Unless it's Durham, that is.

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ITonyah · 07/06/2020 19:09

PhoneLock Grin it's very...mumsnet

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MarchingFrogs · 07/06/2020 19:21

I don't actually have one going this September (I found the details re Leicester's set up when I was fossicking around on their virtual open day web pages and eventually gave in and clicked on the 'ignite' tab which kept getting in the way in the bottom right hand corner of my phone screen). And when DS2 does go next year, it won't be to Durham, as his desired course isn't offered there. Which seems a pretty sensible reason for not going somewhere to meSmile.

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BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/06/2020 08:40

My DD is very independent but still wanted me, her twin and DH to drop her off last sept. We helped set her room up and said our goodbyes, didn’t hang around. None of the parents did and then the students all met in the kitchen with drinks to get to know each other.

I was a bit emotional but I think I’ll be worse when she goes back this year as we’ve spent the last 11 weeks together whereas last summer she went travelling for weeks and when she was home she was out most of the time.

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Bakedpotatoandgin · 09/06/2020 08:41

I'm rather bemused at the idea that putting your DC on a train/ being put on a train is the best route to independence. DM drove me to a lot of open days, some I could get to on the train, a couple I went with school. I went to interviews by myself on the train, one of my friends from sixth form was taken by her parents, and the other drove the five hours down to Cambridge herself 3 months after passing her test. Doesn't seem to have affected our independence at uni.
DM drove me there and back at the end of term, because we have to move all our stuff in and out minus two cardboard boxes of stuff, and anyway I don't have enough of everything to leave duplicates there - the holidays are nearly as long as the terms! Plus I took an instrument that is nearly impossible on the train without any other baggage. There were plenty of student helpers on moving in day to help with bags and finding out where everything was, but it was nice to have her there to help me organise my room, unpack, and yes, make my bed. I don't know why people thinking making their DC's bed will hinder their independence given that laundry etc has to be done during term so there's plenty of opportunity - it's just a nice thing to do.
International students mostly come on their own, and they arrive a few days before everyone else to get settled in. They can also store stuff in the holidays, so my friends fly back and forth with a couple of suitcases. I was glad to be able to help them out with kitchen stuff etc until we went on a shopping trip to buy a kettle and so on - if everybody was in their situation it would be a lot harder!

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nokidshere · 17/06/2020 14:46

DH takes/collects our boys at the beginning and end of each year. I can't go because I'm disabled and need a scooter which we can't fit in the car with all their stuff. He loves the journeys - one at Northampton and one at Southampton - because they stop for lunch, enjoy each other's company and, given how far away from the flats they have to park, is a very welcome extra pair of hands.

They pop home by train occasionally in term time but, even when they are just visiting, sometimes he will drive them just because it's more time to spend together and he's retired.

They might not need a parent but they love that he is willing and happy to help them. They are 19 and 22 now and being helped to move hasn't, funnily enough, eroded the many years of independence.

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ChiefClerkDrumknott · 17/06/2020 14:54

^
Good lord. Of course you should take him. EVERYONE has their mum and dad there dropping them off....lots of tearful goodbyes, but how awful to just let them arrive all on there own. Go and help him ffs...

My parents buggered off on holiday the week I was due to start Grin I had to drive myself down having passed my test a few weeks before, with no smartphone or sat nav...
TBH I didn’t really care, but it depends on what’s best for your son

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MarchingFrogs · 17/06/2020 16:34

@nokidshere, I did smile at your DC having chosen Northampton (alma mater of the lovely Dallas Campbell, I believe) and Southampton respectively, because I'm afraid the flippant thought popped into my mind that if one had four, it would be fun to have two at those two and the others at UEA and UWE (SorrySmile).
Northampton itself, however, I could probably take or leave. It's one of the places my elderly satnav decided to take me once as a diversion on the way back from Birmingham to south east Essex and tbh, the early rush hour traffic jams there are nothing specialHmm.

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Shimy · 17/06/2020 17:01

@Phonelock Haven’t read the full thread but if that is true
😂😂😂

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nokidshere · 17/06/2020 19:18

@MarchingFrogs I like to tell people my boys are coming hime from The Hamptons Grin

Last September was the first time I have ever been to Northampton, traffic was appalling and the town centre looks a bit rundown but my son loves it there and can't wait to get back. The new Waterside campus is fantastic too.

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