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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Is anyone planning on NOT accompanying their DC to university?

166 replies

NotEnoughTime · 30/05/2020 18:14

Could I have your thoughts and opinions on this please?

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 30/05/2020 20:19

My Mum didn’t come, wasn’t room in the car! Just my Dad. One parent is fine.

MrsAvocet · 30/05/2020 20:21

My DD has graduated now but we took her on day 1 and dropped her off. We only stayed an hour or so though and didn't go back after that until she graduated. She did have her own car though so once she had moved in there was no need for us to go. I was surprised to find that she was the only one in her flat whose parents didn't stay at least overnight in the area on day 1. Personally I think that is likely to make it harder for a new student to settle, not easier.

ITonyah · 30/05/2020 20:21

I did all open days as dd wanted me to, I remember thise trips away very fondly. Went to move her in and visit once or twice a term.

Leaving her in the first day wasn't as emotional as I'd thought. Watching her leave this time after having her back for a few months is going to be bloody tough.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 30/05/2020 20:22

That;s a good idea re the Argos HP-thank you.

I doubt there will be much room left in our car either with all his stuff! Megan

OP posts:
ITonyah · 30/05/2020 20:24

I was surprised to find that she was the only one in her flat whose parents didn't stay at least overnight in the area on day 1. Personally I think that is likely to make it harder for a new student to settle, not easier

Maybe they had a long drive?

I think when your kids are young adults its time to stop judging them and their parents.

DwayneBenzie · 30/05/2020 20:53

Would you like to go, OP? It sounds as though you would prefer not to.

BackforGood · 30/05/2020 21:09

Now we've established that you mean for just one parent to take him, then no, that's not only perfectly reasonable, but is actually very sensible. There's generally not that much room in the car Smile

If you were thinking of neither of you going, then I think that would be unreasonable, if you were able to and choosing not to.

I mean, I will be going, as I'm nosey, and want to see where she will be living. Also, I didn't do the Open Day of the place she wants to go, with her - dh took her to that one, so I want to go to take her.

ChippyMinton · 30/05/2020 21:40

I hadn’t given it a thought, apart from pencilling in some leave for the week I expect to drop DC at uni. I expect DH and I will both go - DC famously travels light so should be room in the car unless they take a bike - unload then leave them to it. None of us can bear a fuss, and they are well used to going off independently.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 30/05/2020 22:06

Yes.....and no Dwayne Confused

I will ask my DS nearer the time what he would prefer and make my mind up then.

Thanks all Smile

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/05/2020 22:11

I’ve done this x3, wouldn’t have missed it. It also helped me to picture them in their room/flat and actually know what their environment looked like.

TheoneandObi · 30/05/2020 22:14

We dropped DD at Durham (we live in west cornwall so a train ride takes over 13 hours and a drive around 9 hours). However she went to most open days on her own.
Even now she trains down to Exeter and we drive up to pick her up from there. We are such a long way away!

Jessicabrassica · 30/05/2020 22:18

Mum and I went by train (7hr trip). We had friends near by so stayed there the night before and they drove us across to halls the next day. They collected mum a couple of hours later. I travelled (as I did every term) with a 70l rucksack and the rest of my stuff went up in a trunk. My filled trunk was stored in hall or a friend's garage over the summers and in my final year I hired a van and drove 4 years of mine, my boyfriend's and a mate's collected stuff home.

My parents came up for a weeks holiday, staying somewhere local in my first year and my third year. Otherwise they didn't come up. I had friends who had parents who drove them and all their stuff up and back each term.

Mustbetimeforachange · 30/05/2020 22:22

One parent is enough. My mum dropped me on my own as my dad was away on business. We have both dropped all of ours but as long as someone is with them it will be fine. We made up the bed & emptied a few boxes just to get them out of the way, fed them lunch & scarpered. I remember being desperate for my mum to go as I wanted to get on with my new life. I've always kept that in the back.of my mind.

KenDodd · 30/05/2020 22:34

God is this a thing?
I thought they just did all this stuff themselves, open days, moving etc. My eldest has a mid September birthday, she'll be 19, a fully grown adult.

ITonyah · 30/05/2020 22:38

You do you ken

I've never met anyone in RL who thinks of their 19 year old as a fully grown adult.

KenDodd · 30/05/2020 22:42

Well maybe they should because that's what they are.

lymphopenia · 30/05/2020 22:43

My mum didn't drop me off at uni, just me dad did. Never even thought about it until this threadSmile if you think you'll be really upset then I agree it might be easier to stay home

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/05/2020 22:45

@KenDodd

God is this a thing? I thought they just did all this stuff themselves, open days, moving etc. My eldest has a mid September birthday, she'll be 19, a fully grown adult.
Yes a thing now as well as 35 odd years ago when my parents dropped me off. Very glad I was too, with a carfull of stuff. You don’t stop being a parent when your offspring reaches 18 years of age, Well, I don’t.
Benjispruce · 30/05/2020 22:46

OP my DD has just finished first year at Durham . Everyone gets dropped off by parents/carers. Your car will be packed! You get to settle them into their room, make their bed up etc and say goodbye in the room so don’t worry about tears as everyone is in the same boat. I certainly shed a few!

ITonyah · 30/05/2020 22:48

kendodd you could send them off in their own car filled with stuff if they can drive and keep a car at their uni.

Or maybe pay a courier to take it up if your dd is going on the train.

BackforGood · 30/05/2020 22:48

I'm mid 50s KenDodd, so probably qualify as being a fully grown adult, but I still think it is nice to have someone alongside me when I'm doing something important in my life.

My dd that goes this time will be 19 when she goes, but she is lucky enough to have parents that are happy to give her some support as she takes that step.
We won't stay, but will deliver her and her stuff, and let her get on with it for a while.

Gottheteeshirtandlostit · 30/05/2020 22:49

ITonyah - I think of my 19 year old as a fully grown adult. If 19 isn't fully grown, then when is?

ITonyah · 30/05/2020 22:50

I went to 7 open days with dd1, all over the country. I saw very few teens without parents.

yearinyearout · 30/05/2020 22:55

@KenDodd most unis don't have parking for students, so unless you want to send all their stuff by courier it's kind of necessary. I've moved my two more times than I care to remember, and it's no different to when I helped my friend or MIL move house. It's just being helpful!

BeepOpsiePie · 30/05/2020 23:01

My ideal would be:

Go for a family meal together the night before
Drive them and give as much help unpacking etc as they want me to
Go for lunch together somewhere nearby after saying bye to DC
Maybe stay in a hotel nearby if it's completely at the other end of the country

My mum wanted to do the first two with me but her mum died the day before I went to uni so in the end it was just a fairly quick drop off Sad