Is anyone planning on NOT accompanying their DC to university?

[NotEnoughTime]

Could I have your thoughts and opinions on this please?

My mum did not come to any open days or when I went to view flats or the day I moved up there. She did help me move out (begrudgingly) as I'd had wisdom teeth removed the week my tenancy ended.

It's possible to pay a storage company to store stuff during the holidays.

My parents didn't come. Most overseas students come by themselves!

They're young adults.

Thanks everyone. Really interesting to read the different viewpoints.

Witchend I have a younger DC with SEN. The journey there and back will be dreadful for him. He will find it very hard to understand that his big brother has 'gone'.

I didn't put this in the original post as this is only one of the reasons that is making me think about not going with my older son (sorry for drip feed). However, my oldest DS often has to take a back seat in general life because of his younger brother and his all consuming needs so I want this to be special for him and not all about his younger brother for once if that makes sense.

And before anyone mentions it, no, there is no one we could leave our younger son with.

Also, I never went to University myself so it is good to hear others experiences. It seems that the majority of posters will take their DC and a few won't. I don't think either way is 'right' or 'wrong'.

I agree that so long as one parent or career is there, it’s fine. Lots just had one last year.

DS will be going to Durham in September. DH and I will take him then return home as quickly as possible as I have two other children at home. It will be an 8 hour round trip, so it's a manageable day trip.

There is no way I would consider not doing this. It's a rite of passage. He is not mollycoddled; he went on the Uni open days by himself, or with friends, he didn't want me there. I would think that he would have too many belongings to move in easily by himself. I wouldn't want DH to take him alone as I'd feel jealous that I hadn't seen his room, or the Uni.

DH's parents didn't take him to Uni but he studied in London and I think that is a bit different; less easy to access by car.

Thanks Suki, so many of us on here with DC going to Durham in September!

@NotEnoughTime, just catching tail end of this so apologies to any pp; things I leant from taking firstborn DS a couple of years ago ( and have DT girls going this Autumn grades allowing);
They know you are going to miss them so saying “ I can’t wait to hear all your news on X date” is a nice positive way of getting away when you and they ( probably they!) are ready,rather than stating the obvious.
Leave the sheets on their bed , it’s quite comforting when you get home from drop off and need to cry to be able to sniff ( possibly this is just me?!).
Beware supermarkets for first couple of shops after they’ve gone. The sight of their favourite food might set you off.
Good Luck !

Hi NET. I took my DS on my own as I’m divorced anyway. One parent is absolutely fine! My exH picked him up at end of first year as DS had accumulated too much stuff for my car and exH had a bigger car. By the end of the third year it took both me and my ex to fit all DS’s clobber in our 2 cars!

When I went to uni in the mid 1980s 90% of my friends had parents drop them off for the first day and that dwindled down over the 3 years. One friend had a boarding school style massive trunk sent up by train. They had no storage for it so it filled her room for the next year.

My exH’s parents didn’t own a car so he went to uni in the 1980s by train with just a rucksack and a suitcase. That was quite unusual.

Witchend I have a younger DC with SEN. The journey there and back will be dreadful for him. He will find it very hard to understand that his big brother has 'gone'

Well of course your situation is very different to most!

Thank you very much for the sage advice hobbema-good luck with your twin DD's this September-you should invest in Kleenex!

Thanks Millicent-we might actual hire a little van double decker bus as suggested by a pp to transport DS and all his stuff

I know ITonyah and of course I have to bear it in mind but I still want to make it special for my older DS without it being too traumatic for my younger one.

I'm going to take DS and all his stuff, leave him pretty sharpish and cry all the way home, I expect. We didn't go to open days with him because we all thought that would be the best way for him to make up his own mind. He took a gap year, so we did go with him to an open day in October, once his place was confirmed, to see what it was like and check out boring things like accommodation details. It was lovely.

I think that going for a few days over half term is a great idea, if feasible.

To those with DC goi g to Durham, we cocked up when we dropped DD 4 years ago. The colleges which aren't self catered offer lunch for new students and parents. We didn't know, and tbh thought DD would prefer us to skeedaddle after we'd made her bed and plumbed in her printer. Turns out she was the only kid not to have a parent with her at lunch. And had a wobble as a result. Oooops.

Gosh, isn't the idea of university to escape from parents? All my posessions-for-the-first-term were in a large trunk sent ahead on a train. When DS went away, he went on the train and had to survive a whole week of talking-to-other-people before we brought a carload of computers and other inessential paraphenalia. And as well as being independent of parents, it's also good to be independent of all-that-stuff they know you'll need.

Garlicpress, foilcutter, knitted blankets (handcrafted by Auntie Mabel), spare wok, monopoly-set, fishknives, prepaid-homeaddressed-postcards, spicerack, electricblanket, hamster/tortoise, rollingpin, clothesbasket, toothpasteholder, napkinrings, exercisebike, granny's weddingphoto, cancrusher, alarmclock, applecorer, gardengloves, broom, tierack, footballrattle, breadmaker, happyfamilycards, croquet set, scented candles, shoehorn, flipchart, fanheater, cornplasters, A3-laminator, draughtexcluder, grandpa's wartime binoculars, eggtimer, trouserpress, placemats of Southend Pier, papershredder, iron, set of matching rubberducks, doorwedge, Alpine walkingsticks, fizzydrink-maker, rockingchair, ...

@TheoneandObi there wasn’t one at DD’s college at Durham. DD wouldn’t have wanted us to stay anyway. They had a cake competition ( yes she had to bake a cake the day before and got that into the car too!!) and Henry from GBBO came to judge it- he was a third year.

DD went by train with bedding stuffed into one large suitcase and other stuff in another. (We were away.)

It was fine. I went down a week later with a car load. There was no hurry nor crowds of people so once stuff was deposited we went out to have lunch and to buy kitchen essentials. I was then able to help her put stuff away and leave. She got a chance to update me on her first week. I would do the same again.

I went down a week later with a car load
Not sure why that's any more independent than doing it in the first week

All my posessions-for-the-first-term were in a large trunk sent ahead on a train

Far more expensive to do this than drive in most cases

Gosh, isn't the idea of university to escape from parents?

In the same way that moving into my first flat was a step away from them and to independent living, but I still appreciated their help to move in

All my posessions-for-the-first-term were in a large trunk sent ahead on a train
Sounds a lot more complicated to arrange (as I don't have a trunk, and of course you'd presumably have to get it to and from the stations at both ends of the journey?) than putting things into the car on my drive in bags and boxes we already have.

When DS went away, he went on the train and had to survive a whole week of talking-to-other-people before we brought a carload of computers and other inessential paraphenalia.

Obviously, if that is the way it has to be for some reason then no doubt they will survive, but why would anyone want to do that to their child if they didn't have to?

Not sure why that's any more independent than doing it in the first week

I'm not claiming it was more "independent", whatever that means, as if it is a MN parent competition? I was just suggesting it as an alternative.

A year ago I happened to be in Oxford on the day students arrived and it was incredibly busy, with cars seemingly lined up to drop things off in narrow time slots. I assume other Universities are the same.

Instead we had a lovely mother and daughter day. I also suspect it was cheaper as we were able to leave buying things like pots and pans till DD knew what she needed...there were already about 7 toasters in the flat and not a lot of storage space. There was no time pressure to unload the car. And she was also able to add things she wanted me to bring down.

Also going to Durham hopefully in September ! Ds applied to dh college but was allocated mine ! He’s the youngest , it’s going to be hard

I have 2 DC starting university on the same day this September, one central London and the other a 3hr drive away. Therefore DH and I will share the drop-offs and compare notes later! I quite fancy a trip to London, however I am not sure how much I will enjoy of it if I am a blubbering mess.

Our nest will be emptied in one day. Not sure how we will cope with the quietness but at least the fridge will stay fuller for longer.

OP - this decision will depend on how much stuff your DS needs to take and which college he is allocated. Boys do generally seem to have less stuff, but if he has an instrument for example, it is difficult to do without parental help. If he is in a Bailey college you are allocated a strict time slot to deliver him. If he is joining Castle there are formal welcome lunches for parents in the Great Hall. In any case, the instructions all come after the offer is confirmed, so you needn't worry before that. If you are driving from London or closer it is perfectly do-able in a day, and you get very good at it what with clearing their rooms at the end of every term!!!