Is anyone planning on NOT accompanying their DC to university?

[NotEnoughTime]

Could I have your thoughts and opinions on this please?

[janinlondon]

(Also, if he is sharing a room its handy to have met the other set of parents)

[Baytreemum]

@NotEnoughTime If your DS is going to Hatfield it’s perfectly fine for him to go by train on his own. The kids order an Uber on their phone which picks them and their stuff up and drops them outside college. As soon as they step through the gates, Freps take total charge of them and any parent is totally abandoned! He only needs clothes, phone and laptop - you can pre-order a bedding pack and he can get anything else he needs on Durham - the shops are so close.

[ITonyah]

That all sounds rather expensive baytreemum!

I'm afraid I'd prioritise cost over independence at this stage. Take stuff from home and get driven up!

[Needmoresleep]

I asked before, but why the assumption that this is about "independence".

There are a host of reasons why parents might find it difficult to accompany DC. And a host of reasons why they might want to. If they can they probably will. If they can't it's not the end of the world.

And DC will grow up and become independent, regardless.

[Baytreemum]

@ITonyah- the bedding costs about the same as getting it from the aldi and they don’t “need” much more. Fairy lights etc. are optional! Easier and cheaper to have a uni bedset so you can keep their bed made up at home for when they come back. Durham is really far away for lots of people.

[ITonyah]

Dd took her own bedding and her own stuff for her room, plus old towels and kitchen stuff, I didn't buy lots of new things. It just seemed to make more financial sense to do that and drive up in one go, rather than wasting money on those awful Argos kitchen packs which are terrible value for money. She was happy to do that, we didn't hang out with her flatmates or anything.

[Needmoresleep]

Why Argos? Lidl had some very good kitchen items at the start of the University year. And charity shops are good places for crockery, and ate pleased to take them back at the end of the year.

[SeasonFinale]

When my oldest went I stayed at home because by the time his Dad and him had packed the car there wasn't room for us all.

So we said our goodbyes and I waved them off.

[NotEnoughTime]

Baytreemum I think those packs sound a great idea-I will look into them.

Thanks everyone

[Baytreemum]

@NotEnoughTime - they are offered when the college gets in touch after your place is confirmed. Don’t worry about your DC going alone - it’s considered pretty uncool having parents hanging about - Durham is just for students really!! and facetime is great for chatting, support and catching up on the gossip!

[YinMnBlue]

OP, it will also be an emotional time for your older Ds.

They may come over all cool and independent but they are still in transition. Home is still home: Uni is only for 40 weeks, and as well as feeling empowered and independent that can also be struck by feelings of insecurity. Have they been ousted from the nest etc.

Try not to lay your own emotional upset at his leaving in your Ds.

Do what works for your family in confidence and pride.

My Mum took me, with my stuff, then I did all the intervening trips by train until graduation, when they both came with a van as by that time I had furniture and all sorts!

[ErrolTheDragon]

One parent driving is enough... there usually isn't room for an extra passenger anyway! And that parent doesn't have to hang around (unless the student wants their help, eg a shopping trip) - there are usually older students there to meet, greet and help with baggage afaik.

Back in the day, when sending trunks by train was the norm (whatever happened to that?) on of my DBs drove me to uni for the first time in the other DBs Midget with a suitcase strapped to the back ... perfect as far as I was concerned.

[shiveringwiggles]

I went to uni by myself on the train with four tesco carrier bags full of clothes and my laptop bag (fairly recently). Didn't make a difference when I got there. Everyone is too busy with their own unpacking/parents to notice what everyone else is doing. Don't worry.

[MrKlaw]

as you can see - everyone is different. Practicality suggests some help carrying stuff would be useful so one parent helping makes sense if possible. Only you know how your family works and whether you think a big show at Uni is something they'd appreciate, or you'd all be happy enough with a goodbye dinner the night before and you say your goodbyes the next morning (or something like that)

we both took DS to uni but honestly that was mainly because I was going anyway to drive and lug boxes, and my wife wanted to check out the room and location (its in Bath, she loves Bath). Good job too as it was on the 4th floor of a block with no lift so more people meant fewer trips.

I was my usual annoyingly stoic self treating it all matter of factly, right up until the point we'd dropped everything off and there was that pause from everyone - which was my DS' indication that he didn't need us anymore and we should probably leave. Gave a quick hug at which point I was already tearing up, and then left.

[janinlondon]

As everyone here is saying - do whatever works for your family. When we took DD we were given a half hour slot to move her in and her room in Castle was up over 160 steps. She had a full size cello, a guitar, music stands, a massive mirror for over their fireplace, a floor rug twice the size of her bed, and three sets of towels and bedding.... We were very happy to be given a lovely lunch in the great hall and meet the parents of her room mate for a well earned drink after lugging it all up there. But everyone is different!!!

[CatandtheFiddle]

Yes a thing now as well as 35 odd years ago when my parents dropped me off

Not a thing for me 40 years ago. I was 17, and took stuff on the train. My parents saw university as my time to grow up away from home.

Thank goodness!

[TheoneandObi]

My parents took me and hey I still
managed to grow up! And as the first member of an extended family to go to university I hope
I gave my parents a small thrill.

[FloraGreysteel]

I was not in catered halls!

[Peaseblossom22]

@ErrolTheDragon that sounds so romantic , I have a vision of you in a big straw hat clinging on As you speed across country !

@CatandtheFiddle I went nearly 40 years ago , I think there were only two people in my college who didn’t arrive with at least one parent or a sibling . My parents didn’t hang around ( I had been boarding for 6 years ) but I was still pleased they came .

We took our older son , good job too as we took pics of the room to send to younger siblings , they later came in useful when the university tried to charge him for the damaged carpet which we could prove was damaged when he arrived . So my top tip is take photos !!

[ErrolTheDragon]

I probably had the sense to wear a headscarf.

[Ginfordinner]

There is no way that DD could have taken enough stuff for the first week on a train. Students halld don't have bedding or towels for example. She was in self catering and wouldn't have wanted to spend the first few days getting everything she needed and then missing out on freshers activities.

In terms of hiring a van I would check that you would be able to take one to where the halls are. DD's halls (not Durham) specifically said no vans.

[Lulu1919]

We took our daughter...the car was so loaded up she only just fit in herself.
We had lunch together in her uni city then helped carry all her stuff to her new room in Halls...all her flat mates had parents with them ...we didn't hang around too long and waved goodbye before heading home ...me in tears ha ha but i wouldn't have missed the day for anything .

[Ginfordinner]

We had lunch en route as we were booked in for a 2 pm drop off. DD just wanted me to help her carry stuff into the kitchen. I think DH helped her make up her bed, but she wanted to unpack everything else herself, so we left her to it.

[TimeWastingButFun]

But once he's there, he'll see that loads of other parents are dropping off, tears, etc. So even if it's not wanted before, I'm sure it will be wanted at the moment. Better to embarrass than not to be there !

[TimeWastingButFun]

I'm guessing you're American? still trying to work out that response 🤷‍♀️