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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Paying for DDs flat

97 replies

user1487194234 · 23/12/2019 12:25

My DD is at Uni in our home city ,first year of a vocational course
She has just announced that she wants to move into a flat share
She expects us to pay for this at around 500 a month
I hadn’t budgeted for this
She isn’t even asking she is just assuming we will pay
I tried saying no and she has sulked all weekend
I really don’t know what to do
Her BFF is in a flat and having a ball ,but she is in a different city so that makes sens
But DD seems to think if friend ‘s parents are paying we should too
Any thoughts

OP posts:
orangeicecream · 23/12/2019 12:27

It would be a not from me too. Can she get a bar/part time job and save for this option next year?

CostcoFan · 23/12/2019 12:34

Did she stay at home university because you told her you could not afford to top up her loan or was it just the best one for her? If she made the choice based on financial reasons it’s fair enough to say the circumstances haven’t changed. If it was course related what would you have done if she had gone away? I can see why she doesn’t want to live at home as a student TBH. Can you agree that you haven’t budgeted for it this year but will help for her to move out next year?

My ds is at our local university but it is one where you have to live in expect in very exceptional circumstances. So he lives a 10 minute cycle from home.

Original poster
user1487194234 · 23/12/2019 12:35

With her course it would be difficult to work in term time
I thought she could work in the summer holiday
We would help her but 500 is a lot of £ and I am irritated that she is just assuming we will pay

OP posts:
Original poster
user1487194234 · 23/12/2019 12:35

It was the best course

OP posts:
CatalogueUniverse · 23/12/2019 12:40

I’d just tell her the current contribution you make is what is available. So if she wants to move out she has to work out how to afford it.

Your running costs of your household would not change much if she moved out. If you were feeling generous you could work out the difference and offer that as a token extra amount.

Mind you I’d also be pointing out that expecting to live like an adult but not pay for it with your own money is ridiculous. Comparing it to her friend’s situation is no different from a child whining “everyone else has one/gets to.”

BacktoMA · 23/12/2019 12:47

My thoughts? Your daughter is an entitled brat, I wouldn't entertain the conversation until she stops making demands.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/12/2019 12:48

Stop trying to say no and actually say no.

She can save like mad this year living rent free at home; and pay for next year's rent with the savings.

onceandneveragain · 23/12/2019 12:50

It depends what was discussed when you initially talked about her going to uni and the expectations she had regarding if she was going to stay at home the whole three years. To be honest, most students do live away from home so have to rent, and, due to the gap between maintenance loan and cost of housing, the expectation by the govt is that most parents will contribute to fund the difference. That is why parental income is taken into account when applying for student loans.

However this contribution would usually not be to the value of £500 p/m!

It all depends what you discussed, if she always agreed that she would stay at home then she is BU to change the goalposts now. However if this was never clarified and you just assumed then she's not being unreasonable to ask - however it is up to her to fund at least part of it by reapplying for a higher maintenance loan based on change of living circs, getting a part time job/paying out of savings etc.

Perhaps she can find somewhere cheaper? Obvs depends on your city but £500 seems a lot for a room in a shared flat? If she wants a flat to herself then no chance, imho!

titchy · 23/12/2019 12:54

Has she looked into how much maintenance loan she'd be entitled to? Does she (do you?) realise she'll get a higher loan if she moves out? How much will she get based on your income?

CostcoFan · 23/12/2019 13:55

I think you need to talk to her about what is realistic. I think a previous poster saying that expecting to live like an adult but not to pay for it being ridiculous is a bit out of step with most students and their parents. For all the talk on mumsnet about not making up loans and the children need to work I think the vast majority of parents do top up the student loan so they have enough to live on, even if they then work to have a lively social life.

Is £500 just the rent? And is that for 12 months or just until the end of the summer term. Another of my dc is very lucky that they only have to pay 10 months rent - the landlord does Airbnb in the summer I think. Does it include bills? Does this in their mind include food as well?

Maybe work out what you can afford to give them, and whether this is from January or next September and then tell them to work out what they can afford with the maximum loan they are entitled too.

Ginfordinner · 23/12/2019 13:58

What maintenance loan is she entitled to? TBH I can see why she wants to flat share. Staying at home is less exciting as a student.

OhTheRoses · 23/12/2019 14:00

How would you have funded it if she'd gone away? Presumably there is less maintenance loan available if she can live at home?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/12/2019 14:02

We wouldn't pay rent if there was the option of ds living at home while studying,no way on God's green earth and I don't know anyone who would find that option either. Just say no.

AJPTaylor · 23/12/2019 14:07

So what would have happened if the course was elsewhere?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/12/2019 17:00

So what would have happened if the course was elsewhere?

It's irrelevant tbh, why should the OP pay out £500 per month unnecessarily?

JKScot4 · 23/12/2019 17:04

Your DD is having a laugh? Who just announces they’re getting a flat and expect their parents to pay?
Every student I know works including my own DD, this they can’t work is a nonsense. At a minimum both weekend days, tell her to get off her entitled arse and earn her rent.

Ginfordinner · 23/12/2019 17:47

Clearly most posters on here are unfamiliar with SFE maintenance loans. This is what they are for.

MarchingFrogs · 23/12/2019 17:47

Maintenance loan rates:
Full-time student, 2019 to 2020 academic year:
Living at home: Up to £7,529.
Living away from home, outside London: Up to £8,944

So not a massive difference, actually. On the other hand, if you are entitled to borrow the maximum, aren't paying an extortionate amount in fares and Mum and Dad aren't charging much for board and lodging, there is the potential for quite a bit of saving. Less, the lower the amount one is able to borrow, of course.

If the OP's DD isn't currently claiming her maintenance loan, she still has plenty of time to make a claim for the current academic year.

strawberry2017 · 23/12/2019 17:57

I agree with PP, tell her no and stick to it, there is no trying to say no. It's either a no or it isn't.
She wants a flat; she pays for it.

cabbageking · 23/12/2019 18:01

Whilst we can help our children financially with sensible choices and where it is prudent. |Uni is about learning to be independent.

She can have the life style she wants by getting a job to pay for it.
She doesn't need this lifestyle it is something she wants.
I wouldn't be paying for her poor choices.
She needs to learn the value of money and appreciate you have done your job raising her.
She learns nothing by you paying for her assumptions. This is just poor behaviour on her part and sulking just reinforces that her behaviour is not acceptable.
She is being unreasonable.

Ginfordinner · 23/12/2019 18:01

From her student maintenance loan.

Frenchw1fe · 23/12/2019 18:06

Just say NO.
It will start with the rent but then there will be something else and something else.

And never agree to be a guarantor. My friend has a landlord hounding her for her dd's rent. And shes legally liable.

AJPTaylor · 24/12/2019 04:47

So how much maintenance loan does she have?
Dd1 went to uni in London. We were very clear indeed that was her choice. Her loan went entirely on rent with us topping up and giving her a small amount to live on years 1 and 2 which we changed to 400 a month in Year 3.
In your shoes I would suggest to dd that she can look into a flat share next year if she can fund it from her loan. But what she can't do is have her cake and eat it.

AJPTaylor · 24/12/2019 04:50

And I say that because she had friends both in and out of London who paid their rent and let them have their maintenance loan to piss up the wall.

PixieDustt · 24/12/2019 04:53

Your DD is having a laugh? Who just announces they’re getting a flat and expect their parents to pay?
Every student I know works including my own DD, this they can’t work is a nonsense. At a minimum both weekend days, tell her to get off her entitled arse and earn her rent.

^ This Xmas Grin