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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Paying for DDs flat

97 replies

user1487194234 · 23/12/2019 12:25

My DD is at Uni in our home city ,first year of a vocational course
She has just announced that she wants to move into a flat share
She expects us to pay for this at around 500 a month
I hadn’t budgeted for this
She isn’t even asking she is just assuming we will pay
I tried saying no and she has sulked all weekend
I really don’t know what to do
Her BFF is in a flat and having a ball ,but she is in a different city so that makes sens
But DD seems to think if friend ‘s parents are paying we should too
Any thoughts

OP posts:
BubblesBuddy · 26/12/2019 09:20

The problem these days is that many jobs are 0 hours contracts and most students work for a bit of extra cash, not rent. As the DD isn’t going to get much of a loan, the op must have a reasonable income so one would think a middle ground could be found. It seems utterly ridiculous this wasn’t discussed before now.

Yes, she’s missing out and your student years should be a bit more fun than that. I remember DD saying they didn’t see a couple of live at home students socially because the bus home was too early and not handy for the student area. I just feels a shame that she cannot enjoy her time at university and has probably made a mistake about staying at home. It certainly isn’t growing up and being independent.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 26/12/2019 09:22

I'd give the difference in the cost of board if she lives with you, which realistically is not going to be much more than her food costs. I'd also be encouraging her to look at cheaper options, as that's mortgage money in this part of the world. The most popular student areas do tend to have inflated rents, but very often the next areas down are still commuting distance and offer better value.

Tetran · 26/12/2019 09:23

No. If she wants to live in a flatshare she should start planning for next year, not expecting you to pull £500 out of thin air because although she can easily commute to uni, she feels she is missing out on partying. I had no financial help from parents and the loan was enough along with working during the holidays, and it was the same model as now.

getmeacupoftea · 26/12/2019 09:34

I've never understood why parents feel as though they have to fork out for their kids.
My parents would have laughed in my face had I asked for them to even pay my bus fare fo uni. I thought you had to make your own way in the world. Otherwise, how will you get on as a self-sufficient adult if your parents paid for most things ? This is all baffling to me

soupmaker · 26/12/2019 09:35

From her perspective she can't see why she can't have what her friend has

This is the problem OP. Your DD still thinks like a toddler. Perhaps she could sit down and work out how she, not you, could make something work. Student loan for a start.

flippinehh · 26/12/2019 09:42

Can you sit down together and work out options?

I would try and support her moving as I agree it's a big part of uni life but it comes with costs and she needs to understand what this means in the long term - ie. debts, getting a job etc which is the same for the majority of students.

Those who's parents help will have planned for years in advance. £500 a month is a huge unexpected commitment. At 18 she is able to understand this as most students apply for loans and work out affordability way before they start.

I would get her to be an active participant. List all costs, rent, bills, phone, food, travel etc so she's aware of all outgoings, then see what you can reasonably contribute.

PaprikaPringle · 26/12/2019 09:53

The government expects you to top up based on income, if you earn over £60k this is around £4500 a year

Is this combined parental income? Are private pension contributions taken into account?

MarchingFrogs · 26/12/2019 10:07

I've never understood why parents feel as though they have to fork out for their kids.

Making the assumption that you mean specifically, '... once said kids are actually adults (and - in this particular case - are students)...' rather than that you are a serial absent parent who has always managed to evade paying maintenance, one reason is that there is a framework of outside financial support for students, but the amount of money that those going to university at the normal age that one does is based on the income of their home household. Some of us actually feel that as the level of income we enjoy can make a difference (in England, I am not totally familiar with the Scottish loans system) of c.£4700 pa to the amount that our offspring are allowed to access through the loans system to support themselves while they are studying, it isn't totally unreasonable to make a contribution of, or at least substantially towards, that shortfall.

Other opinions are available, obviouslySmile.

Tetran · 26/12/2019 10:12

@PaprikaPringle that might be the case, but in this instance the DD has somewhere to live which is easily commutable to university. She wants to move out so she can experience the social side (I would say for the experience of learning to live independently, but she isn't going to be if it's all paid for is she), she isn't being hindered study wise by living at home, therefore why should OP pay just because DD wants her to?

anxioussue · 26/12/2019 10:14

I'd say no, it's not essential for her course and is an optional extra which she needs to afford as you are giving her presumably free food and board.

Original poster
user1487194234 · 26/12/2019 10:18

TBF I don't think it's only for the social life,also the experience of being independent living Albeit funded by us!
I could up my hours at work I suppose

OP posts:
PaprikaPringle · 26/12/2019 10:24

@Tetran - not sure why you name checked me. I've not offered an opinion on OP's situation, just hijacked her thread with a question!

daisypond · 26/12/2019 10:28

Can you reapply for a student loan this late in the year once the academic year has started?

Original poster
user1487194234 · 26/12/2019 10:30

Yes I think she can still apply for funding
But it is not going to be enough

OP posts:
iforgotthatyouexisted · 26/12/2019 10:37

I do think that the experience of living away from home and sharing a house/flat is almost as important as the education. People who lived at home definitely didn't have the same uni experience. What would have happened with finances if your daughter had chosen a uni in another city?

I know it seems like a waste of money to pay rent when she could live at home but I do feel it's a bit unfair that she's losing out because she chose a uni close to home.

JoyceJames · 26/12/2019 10:40

@getmeacupoftea my parents would have laughed also, but the difference was that we could access full non repayable grants. Or I did, anyway.

I still think the DD is being entitled, and OP, your boundaries should not be determined by other people sulking. I think that if I were prepared to compromise, I would insist she pays at least half through a job. My DS is doing a course with acknowledged difficulties in working alongside, but even he manages some of the holidays.

getmeacupoftea · 26/12/2019 10:56

@joycejames

I'm still in my 20's, so I've never had access to non repayable student loans. Ive clearly been missing out 😂
Its just for me, especially financially, my parents have never been an option.

daisypond · 26/12/2019 11:08

@getmeacupoftea. But if you were independent of your parents you would likely have received the maximum student loan. Many students don’t receive that.

JoyceJames · 26/12/2019 11:26

@getmeacupoftea you have been!

MarchingFrogs · 26/12/2019 13:07

@user1487194234, assuming that the Scottish system is the same as SFE at least in that respect, your DD can apply for this year's loan now (or at any time up until 9 months after the start of the academic year), then for academic years going forward from the time that applications open. And assuming that you are supporting your DD completely, financially speaking, at the moment and would not suddenly decide to charge her board and lodging if she did claim the loan she is entitled to, she will have this year's money to 'bank' now against rent etc, then next year's instalments. She would still have to get paid employment in the summer holidays, though and /or find a much cheaper flat for third year. But if the loan available to her is reduced in any way according to your household income, presumably you could at least manage to contribute the amount that you are not spending on feeding her at the moment, if she moves out?

EL8888 · 26/12/2019 13:46

Surely she realises you cant always get what you want and everyone's circumstances are different.

I am sceptical that she can't work, l assume that she doesn't want to. I worked 20 odd hours a week during terms of my course (lots more during holidays), did lots of 37.5 hour a week placements and got a 1st.

Oh and yeah my parents also would have laughed had l demanded £500 a month

HellonHeels · 26/12/2019 13:59

Depends on the course if working is feasible. Medical-related courses that have placement hours make working very difficult.

EL8888 · 26/12/2019 14:46

@HellonHeels l did a medical related course and managed it perfectly fine

Ginfordinner · 26/12/2019 15:17

Bully for you EL Hmm

Not every student has boundless energy or is bright enough to get a first.

I find the "I did it so therefore everyone else can" posts unbearably smug and aggravating.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/12/2019 15:35

Dd lives at home and gets about 3k student loan. It would be just over 5k if she moved out. So just over 2k difference.

I did actually tell her if she wanted to move out for 1 year to get the student experience she could and I’d pay her rent but only for one year. She declined the offer.

I’d be annoyed if she’d just arranged it and assumed I’d pay.